Ther thing with my ILs is that they have a very nice house: wood floors, expensive rugs, white funiture, knick knacks every where that they refuse to put up. I have two small children who are fairly difficult for different reasons, and it's all I can do to follow them around and make sure they don't destroy the house, because there's very little for them to do there. Even though I bring their own toys, they're not as exciting as handling the pretty, expensive knick knacks everywhere.
So I don't feel even slightly bad about not helping clean up after meals there. I can't chase kids and help in the kitchen. Also, PIL like to leap out of their chairs and start cleaning practically while still chewing their last bite of food. We're eiher trying to finish eating ourselves or get the kids finished and cleaned up. I literally can't beat them to the kitchen.
Plus, ILs are very particular about how exactly things should be done. I once put a stand mixer away after having used it and MIL got it back out, very pointedly wiped it over more thoroughly than I had done and put it way again.
So I guess it could look to an outsider like I was being lazy and not even attempting to help, but it's just easier for everyone, probably, if I don't try. And I don't feel bad about it.