Cell Phone Ban

[SamiHami]

IMO, it would be unspeakably rude to essentially tell guests "we don't trust you to behave like adults so we're going to ban your phone usage".

I can understand the irritation with phones, but, really, requests can be politely made, orders cannot be politely given.

(and there have been times in the last few years where a contact number wouldn't have cut it--I was the contact person for 2 relatives in hospice care, i was the 'emergency contact' for family that was travelling in a relatively risky overseas location, etc--and the important people knew I was reachable 24-7 for these purposes.  Contact everyone and saying "oh, everyone please know that next Saturday between 8 am and 2 pm, you should reach me at this number instead" would have been an hassle of epic proportions. 
People handled these things before cell phones but, honestly, I've currently planned my life around having the phone on and available--I'd have done my planning differently if the phone wasn't available.)

I don't see why it would be a hassle of epic proportion; all you'd need to do is put an outgoing message saying "Dawbs is unavailable until 2 pm. If this is an emergency and you need immediate attention, please call {number of venue}."

Really, I think people place way, way too much importance on their "need" for their cell phones and not enough on real human interactions. No one should have to be told to not use a cell phone at a social event; they should know it to begin with. But, since they don't, I don't see any reason that the word shouldn't be put out that the wedding and reception are a cell-phone free event and that no photos be taken by guests. If one must have a picture of great-aunt Marjorie, then I see no reason why they cannot wait until afterward (or before) to do it. They don't need to take the picture during the actual event. It's just not that difficult.

ETA: I wonder if it is time to update invitations, to include a line at the bottom stating "no cell phones, please?" And while I don't think anyone should police the guests, I could see ushers gently reminding someone if they happen to notice them using a cell phone.

[rose red]

I would turn down this invitation.  My elderly mother doesn't speak English so how is she going to communite to the person in charge of the phone who she needs if there is an emergency?  I'm sure others have reasons they need their phone other than "I can't live without it."

As for pictures, even before cell phones, people simply bring a good old fashioned camera to weddings.  If you don't want pictures, I agree to just make an announcement.

[SamiHami]

I would think turning down an invitation would be better than going against the hosts' wishes to have a cell phone free event. There's nothing wrong with being unable to attend-but there is something wrong with trying to change the terms of the invitation.

[lowspark]

I completely understand (and agree with) the request that cell phones be silenced and put away during the ceremony. But as far as "no picture" taking... I don't get that. People have been taking their own snapshots at weddings since forever. I remember people having their own cameras and shooting photos at my wedding way back in 1980!

I can see requesting "no flash photography" or "please don't post pix on social media" but "don't take any pictures" is going to go over like a lead balloon.

[Yvaine]

I think it's terribly sad that we simply have to accept the proliferation of smartphone usage, to the exclusion of all else.

My way of thinking is:  if you're at an event, or in a social situation where it would be considered rude to suddenly whip out a book and start reading, then it's ALSO rude to play on your phone.  And you kids get off my lawn!

But it's also their camera, and like lowspark mentions, people have been taking snapshots at weddings (and indeed all sorts of parties) forever. If the hosts want no photography, that's one thing, but it's not rude to take a photo with a phone if it's not rude to take one with a camera, IMO.

That and it's a lifeline for emergencies.

Nobody is saying it's acceptable to sit and play Angry Birds all through somebody's wedding. People are saying there are reasons one might want one's phone other than "playing on it."

[wolfie]

I would not leave my cell phone at home for a request like this. Mostly because I would forget about the request and shove it in my purse as I was leaving the house without thinking about it.

I think the request was ridiculous and I would probably be rolling my eyes at the people for a really long time.

[Hmmmmm]

I saw this on GMA this morning and thought it might be of interest to those in this discussion.
http://gma.yahoo.com/video/viral-short-film-makes-point-121715197.html

[auntmeegs]

What is their reason for wanting to ban cell phones?  Personally I find it ridiculous no matter what their reason, but I'm just curious. 

[Hillia]

What is their reason for wanting to ban cell phones?  Personally I find it ridiculous no matter what their reason, but I'm just curious.

I'm guessing they'd prefer that their guests actually pay attention to the ceremony and socialize with each other at the reception, rather than texting, playing games, checking voicemail, making dinner reservations for the next night, and posting pictures of the wedding/reception to Facebook instead of letting the HC post their own pictures first.  It's sad that adults don't realize that these things are rude, but there it is.  I agree that you can't tell people not to bring cell phones, but I'd be thinking long and hard about whether I wanted to invite people likely to do these things in the first place.  If my celebration means that little to you, you won't miss the invite.

[Judah]

You can ask people to silence their phones during the ceremony and to not take pictures or video during the ceremony, and you can ask people not to post pictures of the bride and groom on social media sites, but I don't think you can ban cell phones outright. All you can do is expect people to act like adults and be disappointed when they don't. Any mention of banning cell phones before the wedding would come off as chastising and that would be rude.

[dawbs]

IMO, it would be unspeakably rude to essentially tell guests "we don't trust you to behave like adults so we're going to ban your phone usage".

I can understand the irritation with phones, but, really, requests can be politely made, orders cannot be politely given.

(and there have been times in the last few years where a contact number wouldn't have cut it--I was the contact person for 2 relatives in hospice care, i was the 'emergency contact' for family that was travelling in a relatively risky overseas location, etc--and the important people knew I was reachable 24-7 for these purposes.  Contact everyone and saying "oh, everyone please know that next Saturday between 8 am and 2 pm, you should reach me at this number instead" would have been an hassle of epic proportions. 
People handled these things before cell phones but, honestly, I've currently planned my life around having the phone on and available--I'd have done my planning differently if the phone wasn't available.)

I don't see why it would be a hassle of epic proportion; all you'd need to do is put an outgoing message saying "Dawbs is unavailable until 2 pm. If this is an emergency and you need immediate attention, please call {number of venue}."

*snip*

Because it's not always that simple.
The person calling from overseas, if it was an emergency, would probably be the individual--for whom English is a second language (we communicate OK, but not through messages)--and figuring out the hassle of international calling from a developing country where one doesn't know the language is going to be nigh impossible when we're working with translating numbers.

And part 2 is that I'm not going to count on a 3rd party individual to be able to tell me whether my grandfather is 'kinda' doing poorly or 'very much' doing poorly.  I'm not going to risk missing a call from my grandmother who found phones difficult on a good day and who had difficulty hearing messages.  I'm not going to risk there being a delay in messages being given to me, a delay in me being able to make a call back or there being a miscommunication within the message.

Like I said, if I lived in a world without cell phones, at the time when things were that hectic, I would have made alternate plans--and I would have (and, as a matter of fact, even with cell phones, did) turn down a lot of invitations.   But the plans have been made assuming cell phone availability; I'm not going to risk not being available, given the circumstances.

And the implication that all cell phones have to be banned because some people will play angrybirds during the ceremony is rather like saying no alcohol should be served at weddings because Uncle Phil has a tendency to get drunk.

[Venus193]

Cell phones should definitely be silenced during wedding ceremonies.  A doctor should have his on "vibrate" and sit near an exit in case of emergency.

As for people playing Angry Birds during receptions and such I consider that to be pathetic.  There was a thread a few years ago about someone's child watching movies on a portable DVD player at a reception table that blew my mind.  People are not learning how to socialize properly anymore.

[Twik]

It's like being Canute and ordering the waves not to come in. It's just not going to work.

The people who are addicted to phones are going to either bring them anyway, or not come at all. People without phone cameras will bring digitals, and post pictures of the couple on FB before the couple leaves the reception themselves. People will be apologizing to the couple all night long about "forgetting," but still using the thing.

If your nearest and dearest are going to play Angry Birds during the father and daughter dance, that's what you live with if you're stuck with those types of nearest and dearest. If they're not *quite* so near or dear, I'd consider leaving them off the guest list if they can't be relied upon to behave civilly.

[Yvaine]

As for people playing Angry Birds during receptions and such I consider that to be pathetic. 

I actually brought up Angry Birds as a silly and hyperbolic example of behavior I was pretty sure we could all agree was bad. It wasn't an actual example of something I've seen people do in real life. I mean, I'm sure it happens occasionally, but my point was that there are legitimate reasons to have a phone on hand that aren't game playing (like using it to take snapshots, which IMO is okay as long as the hosts haven't requested no photos. If the hosts do request no photos, that is of course different).

[auntmeegs]

What is their reason for wanting to ban cell phones?  Personally I find it ridiculous no matter what their reason, but I'm just curious.

I'm guessing they'd prefer that their guests actually pay attention to the ceremony and socialize with each other at the reception, rather than texting, playing games, checking voicemail, making dinner reservations for the next night, and posting pictures of the wedding/reception to Facebook instead of letting the HC post their own pictures first.  It's sad that adults don't realize that these things are rude, but there it is.  I agree that you can't tell people not to bring cell phones, but I'd be thinking long and hard about whether I wanted to invite people likely to do these things in the first place.  If my celebration means that little to you, you won't miss the invite.

Right, I agree that these are all potential reasons, but I am curious to know this couple’s reason.  Because if its that they don’t want pictures of themselves and the wedding party put on Facebook, they could make some kind of announcement to that effect and I don’t think that would be rude at all.  Telling your guests flat out that they cannot bring their cell phones is, however, very rude.