Author Topic: Cell Phone Ban  (Read 10595 times)

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EMuir

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #45 on: September 04, 2013, 06:32:24 PM »
I am not leaving my $500 smartphone with anyone at a coat check, just like I would not leave my wallet at a coat check.

The blog by that photographer was interesting, but I think she's out of luck if she wants perfection at any photo shoot.  The happy couples should expect that she will do the best she can, and she needs to be assertive enough to say "I'm the official photographer, please excuse me" and TAKE the best position for the shot. I understand people can leap up in front, but that might best be solved by thanking the photographer BEFORE the wedding and pointing her out, maybe asking people to kindly give her priority.  That's what a friend did at her wedding and it worked just fine.

The wedding reception should definitely be a time for most people to put down the smartphones, but frankly I can easily play a game and listen to the ceremony, and in fact will be more attentive to what's going on than if I'm forced to stare at the bride and groom.  The perception is that the phone is the only thing a person can pay attention to, so it seems rude, but it really isn't.  Still, due to perception, no phones (or paperback books) during the ceremony is just common courtesy.

At the dinner/reception/dance?  Not everyone invited to a wedding is an extrovert.  Maybe you get seated beside people you don't particularly like.  Maybe you need a quick break from socializing so you check email.  At such events I'd probably beg off very early or not attend the after-ceremony part at all, but due to being able to retreat to the smartphone for a breather, I can make it through the evening and socialize a little bit with everyone, in short bursts.

Not to mention that texting would be preferable to talking during the dance, when music is so loud.  At a friend's wedding 20 years ago, a bunch of us wanted to talk but the music was too loud, so we found an area just outside the hall to sit and visit.  The groom came out and visited with us for a bit too.  I suppose we could have sat inside the hall and just nodded to one another all night, since none of us enjoyed dancing.  If we'd had smartphones, we could have all texted to each other in the hall, allowing us to stay in there.





Allyson

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #46 on: September 04, 2013, 10:30:42 PM »

At the dinner/reception/dance?  Not everyone invited to a wedding is an extrovert.  Maybe you get seated beside people you don't particularly like.  Maybe you need a quick break from socializing so you check email.  At such events I'd probably beg off very early or not attend the after-ceremony part at all, but due to being able to retreat to the smartphone for a breather, I can make it through the evening and socialize a little bit with everyone, in short bursts.


Absolutely this. I think for the ceremony, it's not unreasonable to say 'please turn off your phones'. But I don't really see the problem with someone having a phone on them during the rest of it. I realize some people really loathe this sort of thing, so it's YMMV, but...if someone's sat at a table with people they barely know, or in some other awkward circumstance, I don't see why it's disrespectful for them to go on their phone. At that point in the night, they aren't being expected to participate/watch fully like they were with the ceremony, and it beats staring blankly into space, I think.

WillyNilly

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #47 on: September 04, 2013, 11:02:01 PM »
The last wedding I went to, just about 2 months ago, my DH was feeling a bit ill. Not sick enough to not attend, but enough that twice during the reception (with loud music and colored lights supplied by the DJ, etc) he stepped out of the room to the hallway, just to take a bit of a break for 10 minutes. Having his smartphone with him let him sit in relative silence for a while and just read his email/Facebook/play Words with Friends. And me having mine, I was able to send him a quick text when the next course was served, or speeches starting so he could slip back in with out me having to go find him.

At that same wedding a friend took a photo of the bride with another friend on a cell phone, which I photo-bombed and ended up making for a hilarious picture. Its never been distributed, it just lives on the person's phone, although its been shown around among friends and really the casual nature of a quick cell photo made the moment possible.

shhh its me

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #48 on: September 04, 2013, 11:17:35 PM »
   Ive heard "there is a photographer please let them work , don't stand in the aisle and no flash photography." but that normally included a polite version "there will be chance for you to take some picture just let us tell you when." 

implying people should turn off their phones for the entire evening though seems a bit much asking people to leave them at home is a bit ridiculous.   Phones aren't just phones anymore , they're watches , flashlights , cameras , computers , encyclopedias, photo albums , address-books , weather alerts ,  GPS maps and directions , home/child monitoring/alarm systems ,  alarm clocks and phones.  People brought cameras to wedding before cell phones and their were pay phones everywhere so people used to step out to check on their kids or call their SOs or check in at work ect.  People showed off pictures from their wallets and exchanged addresses. I'm sure at some point someone jotted down a favorite recipe or directions to the airport on napkins. I've seen people do bar tricks with toothpicks and glasses and coins. People are doing what they always did its just many people are using the exact same thing to to 100 different things. 

I will say if you need a break from socializing and want use your phone , you should do it at an empty table, off to the side or in the "lobby" of the reception area.  Don't put up the "do not interact with me" wall and force people to either sit silently with you or leave the table. I think there is an obligation to be available to interact with your table-mates. I'm not saying "excuse me I;m just going to check on the kids/email/get better directions home"  or finding a photo to share with the table ect.and using your phone for a minute or two is rude but tuning out to play a game or having a text long text conversation while ignoring the people your sitting with I think is rude. IF you going to be on the phone more the a minute or two move away.

Yvaine

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #49 on: September 04, 2013, 11:37:58 PM »
Phones aren't just phones anymore , they're watches , flashlights , cameras , computers , encyclopedias, photo albums , address-books , weather alerts ,  GPS maps and directions , home/child monitoring/alarm systems ,  alarm clocks and phones.  People brought cameras to wedding before cell phones and their were pay phones everywhere so people used to step out to check on their kids or call their SOs or check in at work ect.  People showed off pictures from their wallets and exchanged addresses. I'm sure at some point someone jotted down a favorite recipe or directions to the airport on napkins. I've seen people do bar tricks with toothpicks and glasses and coins. People are doing what they always did its just many people are using the exact same thing to to 100 different things. 

This.

rose red

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #50 on: September 05, 2013, 09:00:24 AM »
That's a good point about pay phones during the pre-cell phone days.  People were never really out of touch with their family/babysitters since they can check in on them every hour or so.  Ban cell phones nowadays they they would be cut off.

Venus193

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #51 on: September 05, 2013, 09:14:53 AM »
I don't think parents called babysitters from pay phones like they call from cell phones.  It would have been much harder to be a helicopter parent.

rose red

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #52 on: September 05, 2013, 09:52:39 AM »
I don't think parents called babysitters from pay phones like they call from cell phones.  It would have been much harder to be a helicopter parent.

Maybe they didn't, but they could, even if just calling once.  And there were always at least one nervous nellie parent in the group throughout history ;).

Shoo

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #53 on: September 05, 2013, 10:13:38 AM »
I completely understand (and agree with) the request that cell phones be silenced and put away during the ceremony. But as far as "no picture" taking... I don't get that. People have been taking their own snapshots at weddings since forever. I remember people having their own cameras and shooting photos at my wedding way back in 1980!

I can see requesting "no flash photography" or "please don't post pix on social media" but "don't take any pictures" is going to go over like a lead balloon.

I used to agree with you, until I saw this (covers both smartphones and "guest" photographers):
http://coreyann.com/blog/corey-talks/corey-talks-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding

Something about this really bugs me. I think it's the idea that not only can the B&G request your presence at their marriage ceremony, they can also tell you how you should be "taking it in."  You need to give them your undivided, focused attention.  Really get in the moment with them.  Because, you know, you can't just sit there and watch passively.  You have to really get into it. 

That makes me go blech.

I totally agree with this. It seems very self-centered. I can totally get behind asking people to refrain from behaviors that will distract other guests (and the hosts). No flash photography? Sure. Stay in your seat? Yes. Silence your device? Yup. Don't bring anything that might distract YOU from being fully engaged 100% of the time? Nope. Yes, a marriage is a major life event and is likely the biggest, most important thing to happen to the HC in that year. However, it's unreasonable to expect your guests to consider it that important themselves.

If I saw this sort of sentiment expressed on an invitation, I would wonder whether I'd be scolded for discussing anything other than the HC or wedding during the reception. Would I be allowed to catch up with mutual friends? Or would that constitute "not being present and taking it in"?

OTOH, if I invite you to a major, life changing event, which I have spent considerable time, effort, and money planning, I don't think it's too much to ask the guests to at least pretend they care about what's going on.  No, I don't expect guests to care as  much as I do, or to achieve some higher level of consciousness, but if you'd just as soon surf the net or text, you can do that at Starbucks and save us both the annoyance.

Yes, but I am an adult and I can figure this out for myself.  If you have people in your life who you feel like you need to tell this to, then perhaps those people should not be invited to your wedding.

wolfie

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #54 on: September 05, 2013, 10:17:02 AM »
I completely understand (and agree with) the request that cell phones be silenced and put away during the ceremony. But as far as "no picture" taking... I don't get that. People have been taking their own snapshots at weddings since forever. I remember people having their own cameras and shooting photos at my wedding way back in 1980!

I can see requesting "no flash photography" or "please don't post pix on social media" but "don't take any pictures" is going to go over like a lead balloon.

I used to agree with you, until I saw this (covers both smartphones and "guest" photographers):
http://coreyann.com/blog/corey-talks/corey-talks-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding

Something about this really bugs me. I think it's the idea that not only can the B&G request your presence at their marriage ceremony, they can also tell you how you should be "taking it in."  You need to give them your undivided, focused attention.  Really get in the moment with them.  Because, you know, you can't just sit there and watch passively.  You have to really get into it. 

That makes me go blech.

I totally agree with this. It seems very self-centered. I can totally get behind asking people to refrain from behaviors that will distract other guests (and the hosts). No flash photography? Sure. Stay in your seat? Yes. Silence your device? Yup. Don't bring anything that might distract YOU from being fully engaged 100% of the time? Nope. Yes, a marriage is a major life event and is likely the biggest, most important thing to happen to the HC in that year. However, it's unreasonable to expect your guests to consider it that important themselves.

If I saw this sort of sentiment expressed on an invitation, I would wonder whether I'd be scolded for discussing anything other than the HC or wedding during the reception. Would I be allowed to catch up with mutual friends? Or would that constitute "not being present and taking it in"?

OTOH, if I invite you to a major, life changing event, which I have spent considerable time, effort, and money planning, I don't think it's too much to ask the guests to at least pretend they care about what's going on.  No, I don't expect guests to care as  much as I do, or to achieve some higher level of consciousness, but if you'd just as soon surf the net or text, you can do that at Starbucks and save us both the annoyance.

Yes, but I am an adult and I can figure this out for myself.  If you have people in your life who you feel like you need to tell this to, then perhaps those people should not be invited to your wedding.

Or maybe you should talk to them directly instead of throwing out a directive and hoping the ones it applies to will realize that it means them. That usually doesn't work to well - you insult the people who know better and the people who don't assume it doesn't apply to them.

dawbs

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #55 on: September 05, 2013, 10:26:59 AM »
I don't think parents called babysitters from pay phones like they call from cell phones.  It would have been much harder to be a helicopter parent.

Back in the day, when I was babysitting, I usually got one phone call per night from the parents for a dinner date, maybe 2 if it was a LATE date.
Now, in the days of cell phones, I don't call the person who is watching my child during my date night--I, every hour or so, check to see if there are messages or missed calls (because sometimes phones don't ring) and I have the phone on vibrate and I rest assured that the person watching my child knows how to get ahold of me if they need to.

In many ways, cell phones let people helicopter *less*.

ladyknight1

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #56 on: September 05, 2013, 10:30:12 AM »
I would agree with dawbs. Also, if my child is with someone and they need to reach me, I would much prefer they text or call instead of waiting for me to call.

Pen^2

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #57 on: September 05, 2013, 11:24:47 AM »
When I was at school, my sister was, for a brief time, very gravely ill. As in, for a few days there, I didn't know if I'd ever see her again. Our school (like most) had a no-phones policy for students. I asked the appropriate staff member if I could have my phone on my person, on silent, so that if there was an emergency involving my sister, I could ask to be excused to the toilet and be able to respond properly to what might be the last moments of a dying girl. The staff member told me that I'd just have to wait until I got home each day to find out if my sister was still alive or not.

And so I broke a school rule for the first and only time. I kept my phone, on vibrate (this was before vibrate was audible), inside my school blazer pocket in a position that didn't bulge or show. I'd check it in the bathroom between classes only, so it didn't distract me during lessons, and no harm was done.

If I was in the same position at a wedding, I would still keep my phone on me. There are people with children with medical conditions who have very legitimate reasons to want to be able to be immediately contacted if an emergency arises. Or whatever other reasonable things that might be going on. Phones are wonderful: they let us go out and celebrate a wedding when otherwise we'd be unable to attend. To take that away would mean fewer people can attend.

You can't exactly quiz each person on whether or not they have a good enough reason to have their phone with them. It'd be ridiculous, and what is reasonable to one person isn't to another anyway. It might not seem possible to one person for someone to be using their phone and enjoying the ceremony, but to another, not having the phone there would make it impossible to enjoy. Some people are just going to have their phones on them and that's all there is to it. I think a general, "Please turn off your phones for the ceremony, and no flash photography--there'll be a time for that later," works fine.

Hillia

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #58 on: September 05, 2013, 11:54:36 AM »
I get that yes, there are circumstances that require people to have their phones available at all times.  I just think it's sad that there are a few who can't be disconnected from text, IM, games, websurfing, email for a few hours at what is an important event in the lives of someone who is supposedly important to them.  If I looked out and saw someone's head bent over their phone during the ceremony, I would be seriously reconsidering my friendship.  I'm not crazy about phones at the reception...but at the ceremony there is honestly no excuse at all (barring real emergencies, which would also involve a speedy and quiet exit).

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rose red

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Re: Cell Phone Ban
« Reply #59 on: September 05, 2013, 01:58:01 PM »
But why assume the worst before anything has happened?  I know my friends' phone and other personality habits and if I have a concern, I would talk to them directly.  A general mass message is insulting