Cell Phone Ban

[earthgirl]

But the bride wants to ban people even bringing phones with them to the wedding. I don't carry mine because I can't be disconnected from texting and email, but because I always carry it with me. If I'm leaving my house, I'm carrying my phone. Cars break down, I get lost and need the GPS, I may be coordinating meeting someone somewhere. And when I get to where I'm going, I'm not going to leave my expensive smart phone in my car. I'm carrying it with me. In any case, how is she going to enforce this ban? Searching bags?

I think this ban is extremely unreasonable and as someone else said earlier, rude people who play cell phone games during a wedding will find another way to not pay attention if they don't have a cell phone.

POD this -- I don't like to drive anywhere without my cell phone because I have broken down on the side of a highway at night and had to call for help -- if I didn't have my phone with me, I would have had to wait for someone to stop and help me which is not a situation I want to be in. 

I'll readily admit that my smartphone could at some times be considered an extension of my arm.  I've never had a problem putting it on silent and putting it away for weddings, family functions, dinners, etc.  But I don't like to go anywhere without it, even if it's just sitting in my purse on silent.  Could I leave it in the car when I go into an event?  I guess so, but don't see the point.

[rigs32]

A few thoughts:

1) If we were talking about JUST the ceremony, I can maybe see the point.  But with weddings be an all-day affair, you're asking people to be disconnected for hours and hours.  I assume some would decline the invite if the ban was serious.

2) It's not only doctors that have emergencies.  I have a job that sometimes I must be in contact with others.  I can't always plan ahead so I might not know until the day before.  Would you prefer I cancel at the last minute or discreetly use my phone as needed?

3) Someone always dislikes a particular technology.  Just because you hate cell phones doesn't make mine rude.   My city is strange in that we still have a lot of pay phones, but they are all in the city.  Many people who get married do so in the suburbs.

Frankly, I have played with my cell phone in a church during a wedding.  It's a coping mechanism for me.  I'm not Christian and if an officiant gives a sermon that makes me uncomfortable, I will distract myself with my phone so as to not feel angry or uncomfortable.  And I will take photos with my phone - I turn the flash off and it makes no noise.  A lot of regular cameras make noise every time the shutter closes and people don't always turn the flash off.

[Surianne]

I would love to attend an event without cell phones, and I don't see anything rude about requesting this, as long as another method is provided for emergency contact if someone does need to be reachable 24/7.  I'd really like to see this idea catch on. 

I find it very distracting to be surrounded by the constant flashes from photos, typing sounds, ringtones, and vibration noise every time a text comes in even if the ringtone is turned off.  I also find it rude for someone to pull out their phone in the middle of a conversation with me. 

I do understand the introvert argument -- I'm one too.  I solve it by going for a quick walk outside or chilling out in the bathroom for a bit.  I think pulling out a cell phone and surfing the internet at a wedding reception, so that you can avoid talking to people at your table, is extremely rude.

[Yvaine]

At a school event tonight, I heard cell phones ringing while the principal was talking, saw people checking their phones, and taking calls without leaving the area.  Every place I go from stores, to restaurants, to the bus...people in my town I guess, are addicted to their phones.

Why in the world do you care whether people use their cell phones on the bus?

Because of becoming a captive audience to their private lives when they shout on the phone.

Public transportation is noisy enough in a city like mine without having to deal with that.  I dread the day when reception arrives to the full subway line.

Shouting is always rude (baring emergencies of course), but having a normal volume conversation is not rude no matter whether it's in person or on the phone. The topic matter may be, but that's regardless of the media.

Yup. And I can't see any reason it would be rude to play a game (with volume down or earbuds in) or surf the internet on one's phone on the bus. The bus is BORING. People playing games, reading books (and heck, they might be reading a book on their phone) or surfing the internet on the bus is par for the course.

[shhh its me]

I would love to attend an event without cell phones, and I don't see anything rude about requesting this, as long as another method is provided for emergency contact if someone does need to be reachable 24/7.  I'd really like to see this idea catch on. 

I find it very distracting to be surrounded by the constant flashes from photos, typing sounds, ringtones, and vibration noise every time a text comes in even if the ringtone is turned off.  I also find it rude for someone to pull out their phone in the middle of a conversation with me. 

I do understand the introvert argument -- I'm one too.  I solve it by going for a quick walk outside or chilling out in the bathroom for a bit.  I think pulling out a cell phone and surfing the internet at a wedding reception, so that you can avoid talking to people at your table, is extremely rude.

I'm trying to think of any other item in history that wedding host might have"Banned" rather then just speak to the potential offend guest personally.  I'm thinking mom talk to Aunt Mary I don't want them sneaking beers/their skateboards/turning a table into a card tournament  like they did at other event. Jumping off from that example telling all the guests " all paying cards are banned "  I think would be bizarre and some people might take offense at being told to not do something they would never think of doing.  I cant think of anything else that has the same potential for rudeness that has become such an important part of our lives.

The leave this as an emergency number, I'm not sure people actually know how to do that anymore.  Using a made up emergency. The baby fell out of the crib. Cell phone babysitter calls parents and they proceed to call ambulance/go home/ determine the baby is ok go on with evening.

Call venue. "I need to speak with Mrs Smith."  (if the venue is not prepped that they will be receive emergency calls and/or has not prepped every person answering the phone) There is no Mrs Smith here (of course no one named Mrs Smith works there) "The baby fell they told me they would be there." , "I'm sorry but you have the wrong number."  on and on .... There are people under 20 who have never called a person other then directly on their cell or home phone. Who've not seen anyone call a business even in a movie and say "Hello there has been an emergency I need to speak to Mrs Smith , she is a guest at the Jones wedding/she's having dinner with some friends. I must speak with her urgently "   This kind of calling etiquette isn't taught anymore there hasn't been a need in 15 years.  I  think the confused babysitter and receptionist would be likely to figure it out after a bit of confusion. More troubling to me,  there are 20 people who if they were in a car accident that evening I would leave your wedding to go to the hospital. 20 years ago these people may not have been able to get a hold of me , now they can and I want them to. 

Flashes going off , I think once cameras became affordable and compact people took them to weddings. I recall a trend where the hosts would provide a disposable cameras at each table.  I think there are more of them. Film was expensive so picture were limited by cost a bit and I didn't used to take my digital camera or before that film? camera(is analog the right word?) with me unless everywhere even to weddings it was too much to carry and remember.  Now there may be 80 -100 with virtually picture and video taking capacity. So I understand your point and the pp who talked about looking into a sea of phones( the guests using the zoom to see better , so they were really actively engaged in the event not tuning out.)  creating a barrier.  5 guests using a roll of film with flash wasn't rude though. I'm not sure 80 guests taking 10 or even 20  pics each is rude either but annoying sure.

[QueenfaninCA]

I would love to attend an event without cell phones, and I don't see anything rude about requesting this, as long as another method is provided for emergency contact if someone does need to be reachable 24/7.  I'd really like to see this idea catch on. 

Sorry, no. I'm not driving anywhere without my cell phone for safety reasons and for sure I'll not leave my smart phone in the car.

And seriously, how are they even going to get someone who gets an emergency call on the phone? Since the advent of cell phones more people are on call for their job so it's much more likely than 20 years ago that people will call the venue asking for someone. Some people (like my husband) when they get a call, very likely will also need internet access to check on a number of things. A smartphone provides that. A venue probably not, so we'd have to leave if he gets a call (for something he could resolve in five minutes with his smartphone while standing in a hallway or otherwise out of the way reasonably quiet area).

[rose red]

Just a thought.  For big weddings, isn't answering personal cell phones for an emergency less disruptive than quieting the entire room to make an announcement?  An announcement over the intercom is also disruptive or can be missed over the noise of chatter and music.

I don't think anybody should play games, surf the net, or text their bff all night long, but banning cell phones is just not reasonable nowadays.

[Surianne]

Just a thought.  For big weddings, isn't answering personal cell phones for an emergency less disruptive than quieting the entire room to make an announcement?  An announcement over the intercom is also disruptive or can be missed over the noise of chatter and music.

I don't think anybody should play games or text their bff all night long, but banning cell phones is just not reasonable nowadays.

I'd think it was up to the couple to determine which they'd find more disruptive.  As a guest, I personally would find a single announcement in the case of an emergency much less disruptive than some of the behaviours associated with cell phones that posters here have described. 

[rose red]

Just a thought.  For big weddings, isn't answering personal cell phones for an emergency less disruptive than quieting the entire room to make an announcement?  An announcement over the intercom is also disruptive or can be missed over the noise of chatter and music.

I don't think anybody should play games or text their bff all night long, but banning cell phones is just not reasonable nowadays.

I'd think it was up to the couple to determine which they'd find more disruptive.  As a guest, I personally would find a single announcement in the case of an emergency much less disruptive than some of the behaviours associated with cell phones that posters here have described.

YMMV.  If I get annoyed by talking or texting (and I have) by my companion, I simply walk away and talk to someone else.  As for taking pictures, banning cell phones only bring out real cameras.  But it's the host's right to decide, and it's the guest's right on how to RSVP.  I rarely use my phone to the point of getting upset by my bill vs. usage, but no way will I leave it at home.  A message on the invitation feels like an insult due to a few bad apples spoiling it for all of us who know how to behave.

[Venus193]

I don't think anyone here questions the convenience, the speed, or the safety issues about cell phones.  What I think is bothering the OP's friend is the distraction factor.

I do not consider it egotistical for a bridal couple to expect their guests to pay attention to the ceremony and to socialize.  This is a reasonable expectation.  If it's an all-day affair, stepping out to check the phone for a few minutes every two or three hours is not unreasonable. 

However...

If someone whips out a cell phone or tablet to surf the net, watch videos, or play games because he's booooooooored, tough noogies.  Sometimes you endure boredom for the sake of maintaining relationship harmony.  What is wrong with conversing with other guests?  Are people forgetting how to do that or how important it is to know how?

[Judah]

If someone whips out a cell phone or tablet to surf the net, watch videos, or play games because he's booooooooored, tough noogies.  Sometimes you endure boredom for the sake of maintaining relationship harmony.  What is wrong with conversing with other guests?  Are people forgetting how to do that or how important it is to know how?

I agree, but I don't think anyone is saying otherwise. All I'm saying is that I've never seen this behavior at any event I've attended, so I don't see the need to even bring it up. And even if this kind of behavior was common, it's still rude to essentially chastise adults on their poor behavior before they've had the chance to exhibit said poor behavior.  Tread adults like adults and expect them to behave like adults and they probably will.

[Surianne]

If someone whips out a cell phone or tablet to surf the net, watch videos, or play games because he's booooooooored, tough noogies.  Sometimes you endure boredom for the sake of maintaining relationship harmony.  What is wrong with conversing with other guests?  Are people forgetting how to do that or how important it is to know how?

I agree, but I don't think anyone is saying otherwise. All I'm saying is that I've never seen this behavior at any event I've attended, so I don't see the need to even bring it up. And even if this kind of behavior was common, it's still rude to essentially chastise adults on their poor behavior before they've had the chance to exhibit said poor behavior.  Tread adults like adults and expect them to behave like adults and they probably will.

I think it's coming from some posters earlier who explained that they play with their cell phone at weddings because keeping up conversation is uncomfortable.  That's what I find rude, personally, though I understand that other people are more easily able to ignore it.

[Judah]

If someone whips out a cell phone or tablet to surf the net, watch videos, or play games because he's booooooooored, tough noogies.  Sometimes you endure boredom for the sake of maintaining relationship harmony.  What is wrong with conversing with other guests?  Are people forgetting how to do that or how important it is to know how?

I agree, but I don't think anyone is saying otherwise. All I'm saying is that I've never seen this behavior at any event I've attended, so I don't see the need to even bring it up. And even if this kind of behavior was common, it's still rude to essentially chastise adults on their poor behavior before they've had the chance to exhibit said poor behavior.  Treat adults like adults and expect them to behave like adults and they probably will.

I think it's coming from some posters earlier who explained that they play with their cell phone at weddings because keeping up conversation is uncomfortable.  That's what I find rude, personally, though I understand that other people are more easily able to ignore it.

No, I agree, that's rude.

[miranova]

Yeah sorry, I'm not leaving my phone at home.  Just yesterday I forgot my phone and went back to get it.  And that was the day I got an emergency text about my son falling off his bike on the way to school and needing an x-ray.  Sure, EVENTUALLY someone would have called my workplace, and they would have had to track me down (it's a big building).  But that would have taken a lot of time, and my son would have been waiting for me.  If at a wedding, I will GLADLY turn my phone to silent for the entire ceremony and reception.  But I WILL check it occasionally to make sure there are no emergencies.  I'll do it as discreetly as possible (in the bathroom etc) but I actually don't think it would be a horrible crime to check it quickly while the bride and groom are occupied elsewhere.  Weddings/receptions can last most of a day.  It is completely unreasonable to expect that guests will not even check in on their children (or at least see if they have any missed calls) for that entire time.

[sammycat]

Yeah sorry, I'm not leaving my phone at home.  Snip

 If at a wedding, I will GLADLY turn my phone to silent for the entire ceremony and reception.  But I WILL check it occasionally to make sure there are no emergencies.  I'll do it as discreetly as possible (in the bathroom etc) but I actually don't think it would be a horrible crime to check it quickly while the bride and groom are occupied elsewhere.  Weddings/receptions can last most of a day.  It is completely unreasonable to expect that guests will not even check in on their children (or at least see if they have any missed calls) for that entire time.

This is my stance too.