Pen, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Nothing you post about your parents surprises me anymore, unfortunately. I'm sorry to delve into past trauma, but would it be OK if I asked:
1) Did you end up inviting the responsible parties to the wedding? (Did they attend?)
2) Did your parents acknowledge the assault at all or was it a case of the "yeah, buts" as in, "Yeah, they hurt you horribly, but they have to be included in one of the most important days of your life because we'll be embarrassed otherwise."
Sorry for the late reply. And it's fine to ask. In response:
1) No. As I said, it was not up for negotiation. I am not ever again willingly spending time with someone who assaulted me and showed no remorse or gave any indication that it wouldn't happen again. We had a registry office thing, so the time and date were not made publicly available and they had security who were very helpful when we explained things to them anyway as a precaution. If unwanted people had shown up unexpectedly, there or anywhere else, we would have called the police. If someone knows you don't want anything to do with them and they actually want to change that, they don't do it by showing up uninvited and imposing themselves upon you. I'd assume the worst for safety's sake, if nothing else.
2) I was told twice, "Get over it." Once I was told, "Sweep it under the rug." I received a very unpleasant email which explained why, "Family comes first," means that despite what I did to the attacker (how dare
I make someone attack me and then call the police!), I need to still do what they want because what the family wants trumps my silly notions of safety. There was never even a, "They hurt you but <justification>" because they never even mentioned that I was hurt at all, even when I first spoke to them about it. I recall, not an hour after the attack, being curled up in the foetal position crying on the floor while my father berated me for having the audacity to be upset. Not once did they ask if I was alright, or how I was doing, or anything. What my parents did hurt me a great deal more than anything else. I don't think they even realise that, even though myself and several other people made it very clear to them. Nothing was acknowledged and nothing was apologised for, unless you count the, "I'm sorry you're so stupid," I got at one point.
Safety is not something that should ever be compromised on, no matter what. There are no excuses. Not acknowledging Hector's horrendous behaviour is a disgustingly low thing to do. He's not attacking anyone (that we know of) but hitting on children
is in the same category of inhuman and intolerable. I'm interested in how the OP ended up handling this. Anything worth updating, OP?