Author Topic: Why didn't I congratulate you?  (Read 10113 times)

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FoxPaws

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #15 on: September 04, 2013, 08:53:47 PM »
Since I'm not the one who had to deal with this person directly (my sympathies to you, lellah) I can afford to feel sorry for her.

How pathetic that she needs to demand social niceties from random service providers. Something is missing in this woman's life...and it isn't just well wishes from  total strangers.
I am so a lady. And if you say I'm not, I'll slug you. - Cindy Brady

Winterlight

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #16 on: September 04, 2013, 09:10:33 PM »
My mother raised me to say "congratulations" to a groom but not to a bride.  One used "best wishes" or some other platitude to the bride.  Mom said that to say "congratulations" to a bride was an insult.

Therefore, based on my mother's criteria, the OP was actually being properly polite.

This is correct. Congratulations was said to imply that the bride had bagged a man.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

MrTango

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #17 on: September 04, 2013, 09:12:39 PM »
My mother raised me to say "congratulations" to a groom but not to a bride.  One used "best wishes" or some other platitude to the bride.  Mom said that to say "congratulations" to a bride was an insult.

Therefore, based on my mother's criteria, the OP was actually being properly polite.

This is correct. Congratulations was said to imply that the bride had bagged a man.

That seems like a rather sexist notion.

Danika

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #18 on: September 04, 2013, 09:23:50 PM »
My mother raised me to say "congratulations" to a groom but not to a bride.  One used "best wishes" or some other platitude to the bride.  Mom said that to say "congratulations" to a bride was an insult.

Therefore, based on my mother's criteria, the OP was actually being properly polite.

This is correct. Congratulations was said to imply that the bride had bagged a man.

That seems like a rather sexist notion.

I agree. Which is why, despite the fact that I've heard the ancient etiquette rule against wishing a bride congratulations, I say it to both grooms and brides alike.

OP, I think the woman was a rude SS. Especially to call you the b word. Did she say that purposely within your earshot?

If you had noticed, it would have been nice for you to say "oh, congrats" but you didn't have to, and she surely shouldn't have confronted you about it.

Marguette

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #19 on: September 04, 2013, 09:48:43 PM »
But don’t congratulate the next client who goes through the same process as this lady, or they will like as not lay into you for getting personal in what should be only a business transaction!

veronaz

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #20 on: September 04, 2013, 09:55:59 PM »
Imagine what her DH will endure if he ever forgets their anniversary.

Allyson

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #21 on: September 04, 2013, 10:41:48 PM »
Imagine what her DH will endure if he ever forgets their anniversary.

I snorted out loud at that!

Also, wow, the things you learn. I had never ever heard saying 'congratulations' to a bride was rude, and that one was only supposed to say it to the groom! I would never have guessed that or figured out why.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #22 on: September 04, 2013, 11:19:58 PM »
My mother raised me to say "congratulations" to a groom but not to a bride.  One used "best wishes" or some other platitude to the bride.  Mom said that to say "congratulations" to a bride was an insult.

Therefore, based on my mother's criteria, the OP was actually being properly polite.

This is correct. Congratulations was said to imply that the bride had bagged a man.

That seems like a rather sexist notion.

Yes, it is. However, that idea is still prevalent in many quaters.

nuit93

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #23 on: September 05, 2013, 12:05:18 AM »
People change their names for all sorts of reasons-marriage, divorce, gender change (a longtime friend and coworker of mine is transitioning and our workplace has been really great about it), or just plain not liking their given name.

I think the lady overreacted.

BarensMom

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #24 on: September 05, 2013, 01:27:53 AM »
My mother raised me to say "congratulations" to a groom but not to a bride.  One used "best wishes" or some other platitude to the bride.  Mom said that to say "congratulations" to a bride was an insult.

Therefore, based on my mother's criteria, the OP was actually being properly polite.

This is correct. Congratulations was said to imply that the bride had bagged a man.

That seems like a rather sexist notion.

Yes, it is. However, that idea is still prevalent in many quaters.

Momma was from the Old South.

greencat

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #25 on: September 05, 2013, 03:32:17 AM »
I actually usually wish callers a happy birthday when I have to verify their DOB for a process and it's sometime within the last week or within the next week.  Likewise, I frequently congratulate them if they mention some major life event like a wedding or birth of a child.  I specifically do it because I feel like it helps remind people that they are talking to a real human being and not a robot and it makes them treat me a bit better.  It's more social engineering than honest sentiment, but it makes everyone involved happy. 

camlan

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #26 on: September 05, 2013, 07:28:09 AM »
My mother raised me to say "congratulations" to a groom but not to a bride.  One used "best wishes" or some other platitude to the bride.  Mom said that to say "congratulations" to a bride was an insult.

Therefore, based on my mother's criteria, the OP was actually being properly polite.

This is correct. Congratulations was said to imply that the bride had bagged a man.

That seems like a rather sexist notion.

The explanation I heard about "congratulations" was that for a very long time, from at least the medieval ages on, when a woman got married, all her property and money became her husband's. So you congratulated him on marrying so well, if his bride brought substantial property to the marriage. On the other hand, all you could wish the bride was "best wishes" in the hopes that her husband wouldn't squander what had been her dowry.

This could be apocryphal.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


GrammarNerd

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #27 on: September 05, 2013, 09:51:57 AM »
What did your boss say after she "reported" you?

*inviteseller

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #28 on: September 05, 2013, 10:26:41 AM »
You need to post this one on customers suck!  This woman just thinks she is so special and is upset that the world doesn't share the same view.

PrettySticks

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Re: Why didn't I congratulate you?
« Reply #29 on: September 05, 2013, 11:28:01 AM »
This is so timely to me, because when I got married a couple of months ago and was changing my name everywhere, every place I called they would automatically say "Congratulations!"  And because I have kind of a twisted sense of humor I would think (but never say, don't worry!) "How do they know this is a good thing?  Maybe it's a shotgun wedding!  Maybe my boyfriend lost me in a bet!  Maybe my father traded me for meth money!"  Thankfully, it's none of those things.  But because every single credit card/bank card/document/what-have-you had a completely different method for changing my name, I would typically start these calls with "So I just got married, and I need to change the name on my card...?" at which point I would get the "Congratulations!"  But in a couple of instances, I just started with "I need to change my name" and I still got a congrats.  I found that super amusing - what if it was a divorce, or something else?  (Running from the law, maybe?)

Anyway, I certainly didn't care that someone congratulated me, but I wouldn't have taken offense if they hadn't.  In fact, I would have found that more normal.  In short: this client was a nutter.