Author Topic: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?  (Read 12764 times)

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AnaMaria

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Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« on: September 04, 2013, 10:01:17 PM »
A while back I attended the wedding of a lifelong friend- not an exceptionally close friend, just someone I'd grown up with.   Her bridesmaids were three friends from college (whom I had never met) and her older sister was the matron of honor.  I had no expectations of being asked to be part of the wedding and was honored that she had included me in her guest list.

 I was broke, so I had to go to my closet to find something to wear.  I chose a dress I had purchased while studying abroad in France: a simple but elegant black, woven, tea-length dress with spaghetti straps a few cream-colored flowers embroidered on one side of the skirt.  I figured it was classy enough for the church ceremony but also comfortable and durable enough for the outdoor reception that was to follow. 

The ceremony was beautiful and the bride looked stunning.  Afterwards, when I came through the receiving line, she greeted me happily and introduced me to her new husband, and her parents and sister all told me how good it was to see me again.  My parents and I headed to the reception - where several guests approached me and asked, "Where you TRYING to match the bridesmaids?" in that sickly-sweet tone that is full of underlying accusations.  It was then that I realized my dress was black and cream, and the bridesmaids dresses were black and ivory.  They looked NOTHING alike- the bridesmaid dresses were made of a silky fabric with a sheen, strapless, with a knee-length bubble-skirt and a removable ivory sash- but the coloring was very similar.  Well, NOW I remembered at the bridal shower several months earlier (the bride's and MOB's work schedules wouldn't allow for a shower closer to the wedding) that she had mentioned her colors were black and ivory, but I hadn't remembered that until now. 

I don't know why people would think I was deliberately trying to match the bridesmaids!  Did they think I was mad at the bride for not asking me to be part of the bridal party?  If the bridesmaid dresses had been more distinctive or if my dress had looked like something from a bridal shop (I don't see much woven linen with embroidery in bridal shops!), it might have been one thing, but to have such neutral colors and obviously different dresses??   I wish I had known the "Why would I want do that?" line!

It didn't appear that the bride and groom cared about my dress color, and, as it was their day and no one else's, I guess that should be all that matters.  However, in the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder if I committed some sort of wedding faux paus.  I know you aren't supposed to wear white and there is controversy over bright red, but is it so horrible to (unintentionally) wear the same colors as the bridesmaids, especially when it is such a neutral color? 

Venus193

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2013, 10:48:50 PM »
You forgot that this color scheme was mentioned.  The dress you wore doesn't sound like a standard bridesmaid style; therefore no faux pas.

Library Dragon

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2013, 11:06:34 PM »
No faux paus. I've unknowingly  shown up in bridal party colors and no one batted an eye.  It happens. The others were off for commenting.

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Danika

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2013, 11:23:37 PM »
Might they not have meant it as a put-down but were just making an observation? I know that I might have made a similar comment to someone, not being serious, just saying it as a conversation-starter or chit-chat to fill silence and meaning it like a "Oh, look at how clever and observant I am. I just noticed that you match the color scheme."

amylouky

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2013, 11:25:37 PM »
Considering that the "little black dress" is pretty much a standard for weddings and other social occasions, I think anyone who picks black as their wedding color has to expect that some guests will match the bridesmaids. And I say that as someone who had black and white bridesmaids dresses.

Isometric

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2013, 11:34:50 PM »
You're fine! This has happened before at weddings I've been at, and although people do comment, IME it's never meant to be malicious or implying anything.

I don't know why, if someone did want to be a bridesmaid, they would try to match. It would look very desperate!

AnaMaria

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2013, 06:48:08 PM »
Thanks for the reassurance, everyone!!

To clarify, there were plenty of other people saying things like, "Hey, look, you match the wedding colors!"  THAT sounded like casual conversation to me; it was the few who flat out asked if I was TRYING to match the bridesmaids that got under my skin.  As if I had gone shopping for this dress with the mindset of, "Oh, I want to look like I was supposed to in the wedding party!" 

Millionaire Maria

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2013, 03:31:33 PM »
My brother and SIL's wedding invitation came in the mail and I noticed the colors were ivory and sage. So I went out and bought a purple dress. Turns out, it was pretty much the exact same color as the bridesmaids' dresses. I felt even more self conscience, because my other two brothers were groomsmen and I was the only member of our family not in the bridal party. I sincerely hope no one thought I was trying to make a statement.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

whatsanenigma

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #8 on: September 06, 2013, 04:07:49 PM »
My brother and SIL's wedding invitation came in the mail and I noticed the colors were ivory and sage. So I went out and bought a purple dress. Turns out, it was pretty much the exact same color as the bridesmaids' dresses. I felt even more self conscience, because my other two brothers were groomsmen and I was the only member of our family not in the bridal party. I sincerely hope no one thought I was trying to make a statement.

You bought a purple dress that ended up matching "sage" dresses? When I think of "sage", I think of a grayish green.  Did the bride change her mind about her wedding colors or something?  Or maybe "sage" doesn't mean what she thinks it does.  Very weird to me.

Millionaire Maria

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #9 on: September 06, 2013, 04:46:46 PM »
My brother and SIL's wedding invitation came in the mail and I noticed the colors were ivory and sage. So I went out and bought a purple dress. Turns out, it was pretty much the exact same color as the bridesmaids' dresses. I felt even more self conscience, because my other two brothers were groomsmen and I was the only member of our family not in the bridal party. I sincerely hope no one thought I was trying to make a statement.

You bought a purple dress that ended up matching "sage" dresses? When I think of "sage", I think of a grayish green.  Did the bride change her mind about her wedding colors or something?  Or maybe "sage" doesn't mean what she thinks it does.  Very weird to me.

She used the sage and ivory theme on everything accept the bridesmaids' dresses.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

whatsanenigma

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #10 on: September 06, 2013, 04:59:46 PM »
My brother and SIL's wedding invitation came in the mail and I noticed the colors were ivory and sage. So I went out and bought a purple dress. Turns out, it was pretty much the exact same color as the bridesmaids' dresses. I felt even more self conscience, because my other two brothers were groomsmen and I was the only member of our family not in the bridal party. I sincerely hope no one thought I was trying to make a statement.

You bought a purple dress that ended up matching "sage" dresses? When I think of "sage", I think of a grayish green.  Did the bride change her mind about her wedding colors or something?  Or maybe "sage" doesn't mean what she thinks it does.  Very weird to me.

She used the sage and ivory theme on everything accept the bridesmaids' dresses.

Okay, well, that's...an interesting interpretation of what "wedding colors" means.  It sounds like it was a beautiful wedding, though-those three colors sound pretty together-but I do wish it had been less awkward for you!

Millionaire Maria

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #11 on: September 06, 2013, 05:15:40 PM »
My brother and SIL's wedding invitation came in the mail and I noticed the colors were ivory and sage. So I went out and bought a purple dress. Turns out, it was pretty much the exact same color as the bridesmaids' dresses. I felt even more self conscience, because my other two brothers were groomsmen and I was the only member of our family not in the bridal party. I sincerely hope no one thought I was trying to make a statement.

You bought a purple dress that ended up matching "sage" dresses? When I think of "sage", I think of a grayish green.  Did the bride change her mind about her wedding colors or something?  Or maybe "sage" doesn't mean what she thinks it does.  Very weird to me.

She used the sage and ivory theme on everything accept the bridesmaids' dresses.

Okay, well, that's...an interesting interpretation of what "wedding colors" means.  It sounds like it was a beautiful wedding, though-those three colors sound pretty together-but I do wish it had been less awkward for you!

I think I may have been unclear in my first post. I noticed that the colors on the invitation were ivory and sage. I thought I was in the clear to wear purple, because there was no indication that she would be using that color.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

earthgirl

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2013, 11:33:29 AM »
When I had been dating DH for about six months, we went to a destination wedding of one of his friends.  I had only met this friend once, the week before the wedding, and I don't think DH had seen her at all while we were dating prior to that time.  Once we got to the destination, the island where the bride had grown up, it became clear that the only wedding guests were family members of the bride and groom, the bridal party (all but one of whom were family members), and me and DH.  Though I enjoyed being on a tropical island and the bride's family was lovely, I felt really out of place attending the wedding festivities of someone I hardly knew, especially when everything was in such an intimate setting (everything, including ceremony and reception, was at family member's houses or the family business).
 
Even worse, the dress I had brought with me was the exact shade of her bridesmaid's dresses.  Different material and design, but the same color.  I realized it the day prior to the wedding (I saw a bridesmaid's dress hanging on a door at the rehearsal dinner) but didn't have anything else I could wear.  I was self-conscious the whole time, thinking that perhaps people would think I was trying to insert myself into the bridal party.  A couple of the bride's family members commented on it but none of the comments seemed hostile at all. 

After spending that long weekend with her and getting to know her better, I realized that the bride was about as laid back as you can get (at least as far as weddings are concerned), and I doubt the color of my dress was even on her radar.

BeagleMommy

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #13 on: September 13, 2013, 10:13:45 AM »
I had what was called a "rainbow" wedding.  Each bridesmaid wore a different color pastel gown (the gowns were identical except for color).  Therefore, the chances of someone showing up wearing one of my bridesmaids colors were pretty good.

OP, you were fine.  Anyone who made a snide comment was probably just looking to be mean.

laceandbits

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Re: Don't outshine the bride...smaids?
« Reply #14 on: September 13, 2013, 10:35:45 AM »
Interesting post. In the UK the no-no colours for a wedding are white (the bride's colour) and black (funerals, mourning, therefore bad luck for the marriage), not red. 

When I started reading your post I thought you were going to get hassled for the black dress, although with the embroidery it sounded good to me, so I was astonished that the bridesmaids were dressed in black!!!  Who would voluntarily jinx their marriage like that? :-)