Don't outshine the bride...smaids?

[Judah]

Interesting post. In the UK the no-no colours for a wedding are white (the bride's colour) and black (funerals, mourning, therefore bad luck for the marriage), not red. 

When I started reading your post I thought you were going to get hassled for the black dress, although with the embroidery it sounded good to me, so I was astonished that the bridesmaids were dressed in black!!!  Who would voluntarily jinx their marriage like that? :-)

Well, not everyone believes in "jinxing" or bad luck.  Black weddings are pretty common in the U.S., but not as common as a guest wearing black.

[jilly]

Interesting post. In the UK the no-no colours for a wedding are white (the bride's colour) and black (funerals, mourning, therefore bad luck for the marriage), not red. 

When I started reading your post I thought you were going to get hassled for the black dress, although with the embroidery it sounded good to me, so I was astonished that the bridesmaids were dressed in black!!!  Who would voluntarily jinx their marriage like that? :-)

This is changing though, I'm in the UK, I have been a bridesmaid in black, attended a wedding where the MOB wore a little (but not too little) black dress and when I was looking for my wedding dress Black bridal gowns were the latest thing.

[CakeEater]

I was a bridesmaid for a good friend of mine. The others were going to be her sister and the groom's two sisters. Groom's younger sister threw a bit of a drama attack not long before the wedding and pulled out of her role. All fine - no hard feelings.

Because the five of us were living in very different areas at the time, my friend the bride went with all of us just buying a shiny blue dress of any description and any shade. She just wanted them blue and shiny.

Groom's younger sister who had pulled out of being a bridesmaid wore a shiny blue dress. I guess she had bought it before the drama attack and still decided to wear it. I must admit that I privately wondered whether she had worn it as some kind of statement.

But in the absence of any back story, I can't imagine asking a guest if they were trying to match the bridesmaids. What were these guests expecting? That you'd break down and confess to them your longing to be a bridesmaid? Grab one of the flower arrangements and follow the bride around the reception?

[Katana_Geldar]

Why not red? My bridesmaids wore red dresses, and we had red nd white flowers with red ties for the boys.

I still remember a shop assistant being aghast at my choice of colours, saying that I would be washed out. I wasn't

As for not matching bridesmaids, the only ones who need to worry about that are MOB and MOG.

[Asharah]

Why not red? My bridesmaids wore red dresses, and we had red nd white flowers with red ties for the boys.

I still remember a shop assistant being aghast at my choice of colours, saying that I would be washed out. I wasn't

As for not matching bridesmaids, the only ones who need to worry about that are MOB and MOG.

Actually when my sisters got married, my mom wore the same color as the bridesmaids.

[weeblewobble]

A while back I attended the wedding of a lifelong friend- not an exceptionally close friend, just someone I'd grown up with.   Her bridesmaids were three friends from college (whom I had never met) and her older sister was the matron of honor.  I had no expectations of being asked to be part of the wedding and was honored that she had included me in her guest list.

 I was broke, so I had to go to my closet to find something to wear.  I chose a dress I had purchased while studying abroad in France: a simple but elegant black, woven, tea-length dress with spaghetti straps a few cream-colored flowers embroidered on one side of the skirt.  I figured it was classy enough for the church ceremony but also comfortable and durable enough for the outdoor reception that was to follow. 

The ceremony was beautiful and the bride looked stunning.  Afterwards, when I came through the receiving line, she greeted me happily and introduced me to her new husband, and her parents and sister all told me how good it was to see me again.  My parents and I headed to the reception - where several guests approached me and asked, "Where you TRYING to match the bridesmaids?" in that sickly-sweet tone that is full of underlying accusations.  It was then that I realized my dress was black and cream, and the bridesmaids dresses were black and ivory.  They looked NOTHING alike- the bridesmaid dresses were made of a silky fabric with a sheen, strapless, with a knee-length bubble-skirt and a removable ivory sash- but the coloring was very similar.  Well, NOW I remembered at the bridal shower several months earlier (the bride's and MOB's work schedules wouldn't allow for a shower closer to the wedding) that she had mentioned her colors were black and ivory, but I hadn't remembered that until now. 

I don't know why people would think I was deliberately trying to match the bridesmaids!  Did they think I was mad at the bride for not asking me to be part of the bridal party?  If the bridesmaid dresses had been more distinctive or if my dress had looked like something from a bridal shop (I don't see much woven linen with embroidery in bridal shops!), it might have been one thing, but to have such neutral colors and obviously different dresses??   I wish I had known the "Why would I want do that?" line!

It didn't appear that the bride and groom cared about my dress color, and, as it was their day and no one else's, I guess that should be all that matters.  However, in the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder if I committed some sort of wedding faux paus.  I know you aren't supposed to wear white and there is controversy over bright red, but is it so horrible to (unintentionally) wear the same colors as the bridesmaids, especially when it is such a neutral color?

As my mom would say some people would find something to complain about if you hung em with a new rope.  You know you didn't do it intentionally.  The bride knows you didn't do it intentionally.  Why should anyone else's opinion matter?

And if it makes you feel better, I did the same thing at my BIL's wedding.  I asked my soon to be SIL what color she wanted me to wear (I was serving at the reception) and she said, something in the lilac family.  I went out and found an adorable lilac dress.  I showed up to the wedding and it was the exact color of the bridesmaids' dresses.  What's worse, the bridemaids' dresses had silver embroidery along the hem and the one I picked had silver embroidery down the split in the skirt.  It really looked like I was trying to match the bridesmaids.  I was afraid the bride would be upset with me, but she loved it and thought it was a great, happy coincidence.

But several relatives/guests did ask if I'd matched up on purpose or if I was mad that I wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid.  For the "are you mad?" questions, I just smiled and said, "What a silly question."

[Piratelvr1121]

I was in a wedding once where the bride told her two attendants (myself and one other girl) to just buy a pastel dress that we'd be glad to wear again.  Well finding a pastel dress in September wasn't easy but I did find a pretty purple one.

I think in situations like that it would be very easy to end up looking like a bridesmaid!

[MommyPenguin]

Speaking of black weddings, my much-older cousin's wedding *required* all guests to wear black!  My mom thought it was totally weird.  Plus she had to buy a dress.  And I think she made or helped make my cousin's dress?  Which, if I remember correctly, was dark purple.  (I do love that cousin, though, and my memories are of what my mother told me when I was a young child who was not going to the wedding, so I could be mistaken.)

[lowspark]

Why not red? My bridesmaids wore red dresses, and we had red nd white flowers with red ties for the boys.

I still remember a shop assistant being aghast at my choice of colours, saying that I would be washed out. I wasn't

As for not matching bridesmaids, the only ones who need to worry about that are MOB and MOG.

When my son got married my future DIL requested that the MOB & MOG match the bridesmaids. All of us were asked to find navy blue dresses. We all wore different styles but navy blue was the color for all females in the wedding party except, of course, the bride.

There really aren't a lot of "rules" anymore about colors and who wears what, etc. It's just according to what the bride & groom want.

[AnaMaria]

Why not red? My bridesmaids wore red dresses, and we had red nd white flowers with red ties for the boys.

I still remember a shop assistant being aghast at my choice of colours, saying that I would be washed out. I wasn't

As for not matching bridesmaids, the only ones who need to worry about that are MOB and MOG.

Like I said, it's "controversial," but I think it's more of an etiquette boo-boo if you're closely involved with the wedding AND you know red will clash with the wedding colors, since it will stand out SO much in pictures.  If the bride WANTS red, then, heck, everyone should red it up!   As far as black, I had a good friend get married recently in a traditional, Catholic ceremony, and her dress was white with black lace overlay, and the bridesmaids all wore black cocktail dresses.  I did a double-take when I saw her- I'd NEVER seen a "traditional" wedding dress with black lace- but it was actually quite stunning!  She has darker coloring, so it complemented her features nicely!

[laud_shy_girl]

I got told off by my sister when this situation happened to me. The main difference is, I was the bride. 

My colours were royal blue and silver. The BM had a very simple strapless, just below the knee, dress with a white sash and silver sandals.

My sister demanded to know if others could ware blue.

I did not care and told her this, thinking she wanted to ware blue. Her friend (Sis asked if her 2 best friends could come so she would have some one to sit with ) came in a dress in exactly the same colour with a silver sash and silver shoes. it was a v neck but the length and style were so similar, every one assumed she was a BM.

The first time I saw her she apologized and mentioned people were assuming she was a BM.
I told her she was fine (sister started to berate me) and I told her if she was waring it then I had picked something fashionable enough that my BM might actually ware theirs again. I also told her that as she had such good taste in wedding finery she could be an honorary BM if she liked but that all I cared about was that she was there and had fun.

I felt terrible because she was clearly embarrassed. A few people asked me about it and I stuck with the "well if L is waring it then that just proves I have good taste in dresses" and "I'm not surprised I did go for an 'in season' colour."

For months after I got my sister telling me "but you said it was ok to ware blue" in a very nasty way, like I had some how set L up to look silly and/or been angry about it.

sigh, and people wonder why I did not have sister as a BM. 

[NyaChan]

That was a kind way of handling it in the moment - so was your sister asking because she knew her friend's dress looked like your bridesmaids' dresses?  If so, I would have hoped she would have given the poor girl a heads up!

[jmarvellous]

I think it's really nice when people just happen to wear things that 'go' with the wedding. I mean, aside from people wearing wedding-dress-like dresses, it looks great. A black tea-length dress is fine for the wedding described in the OP.

Never heard of anyone complaining, "All the groomsmen wore black suits and blue bowties, and then the groom's colleague wore a black suit with a blue tie, too! I bet he was trying to look like a part of the wedding party!"

At our wedding, we didn't have a wedding party, but we did encourage people, if they asked, to dress along the same lines as our vaguely outlined colors (basically, purple, particularly lavender, with greens and neutrals) if they wanted, and dressy/churchy summer clothes.

Given that starting point and the fact that basically only moms, BFFs, and sibs asked at all, everyone looked GREAT in our family and friends portraits. No glaring reds, ball gowns, or T-shirts. Lots of purples, blues, peaches and greens, ties on guys and mid-calf to cocktail-length dresses on the women.

[Jones]

At my sister's wedding in May of this year, I was told to wear dark purple or yellow as she'd like the family to match. No further details regarding dress code. Also my mom was making dresses for all nieces, and they'd budgeted to buy purple ties for all nephews/family males (who were only required to wear a white shirt). I wore a deep purple and white semi formal. Gorgeous dress that fit great 2 weeks before the wedding but was a bit big the day of the wedding. Quite embarrassing when it turned out all the bridesmaids had on purple skirts with yellow tops, and most of the sisters/sisters in law were wearing either the same or something quite similar. I had no yellow on whatsoever. My husband and I managed to hide out in the church kitchen a good portion of the reception, assembling snacks and mixing dips. At least my kids were dressed appropriately!

No one accused me of trying to make a statement though my own brain berated me for outshining the bridesmaids.

[Emmy]

Were the guests making comments people that you knew?  Their comments are very rude and odd and it would be even creepier if they were strangers.  I can see a friendly comment about you 'matching' the bridal party, but accusing you of doing it on purpose is way over the top.  Either way, I don't think you did anything wrong.  Many people don't even know the color scheme of a wedding prior to attending it. 

If somebody knew a bridal party's color and style of dress and deliberately went out and bought the same one that would be odd, but simply wearing the same color (especially a common one such as black/white) wouldn't even be a blip on my radar.