Author Topic: UPDATED 3.28.14 Rude RSVP Enclosure?  (Read 7759 times)

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Harriet Jones

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Re: UPDATED 3.27.14 Rude RSVP Enclosure?
« Reply #45 on: March 27, 2014, 01:00:35 PM »
At the Auburn online bookstore, I found one for $25 (not including shipping).   Not too bad for a tie, but it's still an inconvenient request, if you have to acquire one at short notice.

This is the first time I've ever heard pall bearers having to match, like the groomsmen in a wedding party. I hope this isn't a trend.

gramma dishes

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Re: UPDATED 3.27.14 Rude RSVP Enclosure?
« Reply #46 on: March 27, 2014, 01:06:14 PM »
At the Auburn online bookstore, I found one for $25 (not including shipping).   Not too bad for a tie, but it's still an inconvenient request, if you have to acquire one at short notice.

This is the first time I've ever heard pall bearers having to match, like the groomsmen in a wedding party. I hope this isn't a trend.

I think $25 for a tie that is inappropriate for the wearer (assuming he is not an alum) and which clearly would be worn only once for a couple of hours is about $23 too much.   ;D

JenJay

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Re: UPDATED 3.27.14 Rude RSVP Enclosure?
« Reply #47 on: March 27, 2014, 01:07:12 PM »

Yes, the aunt is cousin's mom. She wanted the pallbearers to wear khakis, a navy sport coat, and a special Auburn University tie that they all do not own. My husband is 6'4 and 325 lbs, which is why it was difficult to find a navy sport coat.

Not only is it not okay to require such a specific outfit for the occasion (in my opinion), it was really not okay to wait until such short notice to tell everyone. Your husband didn't need that added stress on top of such a sad day.

Sharpie

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Re: UPDATED 3.27.14 Rude RSVP Enclosure?
« Reply #48 on: March 27, 2014, 01:14:58 PM »
No one in the family went to Auburn, but it is the team they root for. Big Auburn fans. My DH loves Auburn too, but he didn't own a tie with royal blue and orange. And no, she didn't offer to pay. DH's dad had a suit coat that fit my DH and it was black. He wore that and we were glad we didn't go to the trouble of buying something he would never use for 5 min of wear when he would be coordinated with the other men. Like I said, it didn't even matter because we couldn't do the graveside service due to rain.

TurtleDove

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Re: UPDATED 3.27.14 Rude RSVP Enclosure?
« Reply #49 on: March 27, 2014, 01:23:09 PM »

Yes, the aunt is cousin's mom. She wanted the pallbearers to wear khakis, a navy sport coat, and a special Auburn University tie that they all do not own. My husband is 6'4 and 325 lbs, which is why it was difficult to find a navy sport coat.

Well then I agree that is odd and strange and unreasonable.

Harriet Jones

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Re: UPDATED 3.27.14 Rude RSVP Enclosure?
« Reply #50 on: March 27, 2014, 01:26:58 PM »
At the Auburn online bookstore, I found one for $25 (not including shipping).   Not too bad for a tie, but it's still an inconvenient request, if you have to acquire one at short notice.

This is the first time I've ever heard pall bearers having to match, like the groomsmen in a wedding party. I hope this isn't a trend.

I think $25 for a tie that is inappropriate for the wearer (assuming he is not an alum) and which clearly would be worn only once for a couple of hours is about $23 too much.   ;D

Definitely too much for a one-time-wearing!

ladyknight1

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Re: UPDATED 3.27.14 Rude RSVP Enclosure?
« Reply #51 on: March 27, 2014, 02:57:25 PM »
For a sports team? That is outrageous and very thoughtless to spring upon the family of the deceased immediately before the service.

Sharpie

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Re: UPDATED 3.27.14 Rude RSVP Enclosure?
« Reply #52 on: March 27, 2014, 05:34:55 PM »
Apparently, they did this at Grandma's husband's funeral 15 years ago. I guess that's why she wanted them to do it. She didn't say anything to us about DH wearing a black suit coat and not an Auburn tie, but he wasn't the only one who didn't aquiesce to her request. Who knows maybe we will receive a letter any day now. Lol. She did give us a wedding gift after this so I'm assuming she was ok with it. Frankly, I don't care if she was pissed about it or not.

aussie_chick

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Re: Rude RSVP Enclosure?
« Reply #53 on: March 28, 2014, 06:52:07 AM »
Here's my suggestion. Regard this as a public relations challenge. Your goal is to prove exactly how extreme and unbalanced her reaction is.

If you act offended, etc., you'll look unreasonable instead of her. So be as absolutely nice as you can. To everybody AND to her. Demonstrate by your friendliness (especially to her kids) that there are no hard feelings, why ever would there be?

Kill her with kindness.

You don't have to seek her out that much, but you should make it a point to do so some. I might suggest you always find her first when you walk into a room to greet with a smile, and then drift away to speak warmly with all the relatives she is trying to turn against you. You can mostly ignore her the rest of the time if it doesn't look pointed.

Doing this will rob her of that time she'd otherwise use to gossip and speculate about whether you're going to avoid her, etc. get it over with.

If you decide to use this tactic, Get your DH on board--he's the one who escalated things the last time by demanding an apology, so you've got to get him to go along with this campaign of Uber Kindness.

Oh, and never ever allow the guest-list/RSVP thing to come out of your mouth. If someone else brings it, look chagrined and say something like, "it was such an unfortunate situation." And go to the bathroom to get away from the topic.

This is simply beautiful. POD to this.

I also concur with others who said it sounds like the whole side of the family might be difficult. Given that none of them turned up. This is why this part of Toots' post is most important "...never allow the guest-list/RSVP thing to come out of your mouth. If someone brings it, look chagrined and say something like, "it was such an unfortunate situation."


zyrs

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Re: UPDATED 3.27.14 Rude RSVP Enclosure?
« Reply #54 on: May 04, 2014, 08:10:44 PM »
No one in the family went to Auburn, but it is the team they root for. Big Auburn fans.

 :o  just  :o