So you want me to pay more, when I've already paid less?

[guihong]

I'm assuming the groom and his men are renting their tuxes-those are therefore used.  What's the difference?

I wish I'd thought of thrifts for my own wedding dress (I've seen some at Goodwill), or even-gasp-Renting a dress .

[Redsoil]

One phrase I quite like if someone assumes I have money to burn is "That's as may be."  Then bean-dip.

[GlitterIsMyDrug]

I'm really wondering who's paying for the wedding??  If it's the parents, aren't they glad they're spending less?  If it's B&G, what right does MOB have to be saying they need to spend more???

First part of the story reminds me of my best friend's wedding- she wanted to check out some pre-owned wedding dresses to see if she could get a better deal, and her mother threw a fit saying that wearing a used wedding dress meant that she was "used" (we come from a religious background where physical intimacy is reserved for marriage).  Okay, it's bad enough when people get hung up on the color of  a wedding dress- like wearing anything other than pure white means you aren't "pure"- but the used status of the dress??   Who's going to know and WHO CARES???

Bride/Groom are paying for most of it, I'd say about 80%-90% of the bill, and each of their parents gave them a set amount to go towards the wedding/honeymoon. Her mom did pay for the church and reception hall because she was instant it be in the church because...what will people think (nothing! they will think nothing!) otherwise? And his are paying for the rehearsal dinner. Her mother doesn't really care about money per say, like one girl ordered her's from an online store and saved some money and she's good with that, but more of what will people think if they find out. I'm of the "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter" school of thought. We didn't worry about what the neighbors thought in my family, we'd perfer to give them something to talk about.

Oh I learned a very long time ago do not mention used wedding dresses. Apparently they might have bad mojo attached (like the dress of a jilted bride), and your dress must be new. This was when I mentioned off handily one day before anyone I knew started getting married that I'd buy a used dress if it was something I liked (especially since I want a vintage styled dress). Partner's and I actually have...wait for it...used engagement rings. I know, I know. What are people thinking about us? And the mojo. My grandma bought them at an antique store when I was like 12, when Partner got serious about popping the question, grandma busted out the one she always thought would be perfect for me, and then she after we got engaged she gave me the other that's perfect for Partner to present to her. They're gorgeous and suit us wonderfully, they also look lovely together. Plus we made up a fun back story about their history (totally made up, just a bit of fun). But still I've gotten some "Oh, so they aren't new?" reactions. No, antique does usually indicate someone else owned it first (they aren't technically antiques, they aren't old enough).

And yes, we have been looking at used wedding dresses. People are thinking all kinds of things about us I'm sure.

[GlitterIsMyDrug]

Some people have a real problem with wearing used clothing - as if you're going to pick up something nasty.  Unless you're in the habit of keeping clothes you find behind dumpsters, however, that shouldn't be a problem!  Clothes can be washed, after all.  I LOVE thrift stores and consignment stores.

I remember Amy whatsername (argh - what was her name?  The lady with the cheapskate blog?) having an argument with someone about buying clothes from thrift stores.   Amy said innocently "You stay in hotels, don't you?"  "Yes."  "Ewww!" said Amy, very tongue-in-cheek, "you mean you sleep in sheets that someone else slept in?"  "That's not the same thing!   They wash those sheets!"   "Yes, and I wash the clothes I buy.  It's exactly the same thing."

I never understand people who freak at "used" clothing. I mean, people try on clothes in the stores before buying them...others have tried them on as well...isn't that the same thing? It's not like you don't wash clothes. At least I do. I'm kind of grossed out by these people who won't wear used clothes now because I'm thinking maybe they don't wash their clothes.

I had a conversation once with a young woman who was pregnant and trying to save money. She was ranting that someone had suggessted she put her child in used clothing. USED CLOTHING for her precious baby!! The whole time I was thinking, you're baby is going to be very messy, and grow very quickly, new clothes are just waste of money for an infant (and they don't care).

[GlitterIsMyDrug]

I'm assuming the groom and his men are renting their tuxes-those are therefore used.  What's the difference?

I wish I'd thought of thrifts for my own wedding dress (I've seen some at Goodwill), or even-gasp-Renting a dress .

People expect men to rent tuxes, they neighbors will be ok with that. Actually they guys are all wearing suits they already own in black (they happen to all own black suits), with black button downs and colorful ties. I think only one guy needs the button down (he doesn't have a black one) and then they're all gonna go out buy ties. Her mother already threw the "they have to wear tuxes" fit that fell on deaf ears. The groom is wearing a white button down with a white tie and his already owned black suit.

My mother always told me (from like a young age) if I ever get married, I should rent my dress. I want to buy some something vintage, so probably used, she's good with that too. Well I'm paying so she really doesn't get a vote...but she's happy I'm willing to go used. I've seen some in the thrift stores that are like...almost brand new!

[AnaMaria]

Me too!  As a pageant competitor I've gotten really good at finding deals on dresses online.  No way am I paying full-price (or picking out a  dress I don't like that's cheaper) just because someone might think I was "used!!"

[Asharah]

I'm really wondering who's paying for the wedding??  If it's the parents, aren't they glad they're spending less?  If it's B&G, what right does MOB have to be saying they need to spend more???

First part of the story reminds me of my best friend's wedding- she wanted to check out some pre-owned wedding dresses to see if she could get a better deal, and her mother threw a fit saying that wearing a used wedding dress meant that she was "used" (we come from a religious background where physical intimacy is reserved for marriage).  Okay, it's bad enough when people get hung up on the color of  a wedding dress- like wearing anything other than pure white means you aren't "pure"- but the used status of the dress??   Who's going to know and WHO CARES???

Bride/Groom are paying for most of it, I'd say about 80%-90% of the bill, and each of their parents gave them a set amount to go towards the wedding/honeymoon. Her mom did pay for the church and reception hall because she was instant it be in the church because...what will people think (nothing! they will think nothing!) otherwise? And his are paying for the rehearsal dinner. Her mother doesn't really care about money per say, like one girl ordered her's from an online store and saved some money and she's good with that, but more of what will people think if they find out. I'm of the "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter" school of thought. We didn't worry about what the neighbors thought in my family, we'd perfer to give them something to talk about.

Oh I learned a very long time ago do not mention used wedding dresses. Apparently they might have bad mojo attached (like the dress of a jilted bride), and your dress must be new. This was when I mentioned off handily one day before anyone I knew started getting married that I'd buy a used dress if it was something I liked (especially since I want a vintage styled dress). Partner's and I actually have...wait for it...used engagement rings. I know, I know. What are people thinking about us? And the mojo. My grandma bought them at an antique store when I was like 12, when Partner got serious about popping the question, grandma busted out the one she always thought would be perfect for me, and then she after we got engaged she gave me the other that's perfect for Partner to present to her. They're gorgeous and suit us wonderfully, they also look lovely together. Plus we made up a fun back story about their history (totally made up, just a bit of fun). But still I've gotten some "Oh, so they aren't new?" reactions. No, antique does usually indicate someone else owned it first (they aren't technically antiques, they aren't old enough).

And yes, we have been looking at used wedding dresses. People are thinking all kinds of things about us I'm sure.

I remember when Prince William & Kate announced their engagement with the ring his dad gave his mum and I wondered if that was a good idea, given what happened to Chuck & Di's marriage.

[blue2000]

Some people have a real problem with wearing used clothing - as if you're going to pick up something nasty.  Unless you're in the habit of keeping clothes you find behind dumpsters, however, that shouldn't be a problem!  Clothes can be washed, after all.  I LOVE thrift stores and consignment stores.

I remember Amy whatsername (argh - what was her name?  The lady with the cheapskate blog?) having an argument with someone about buying clothes from thrift stores.   Amy said innocently "You stay in hotels, don't you?"  "Yes."  "Ewww!" said Amy, very tongue-in-cheek, "you mean you sleep in sheets that someone else slept in?"  "That's not the same thing!   They wash those sheets!"   "Yes, and I wash the clothes I buy.  It's exactly the same thing."

I never understand people who freak at "used" clothing. I mean, people try on clothes in the stores before buying them...others have tried them on as well...isn't that the same thing? It's not like you don't wash clothes. At least I do. I'm kind of grossed out by these people who won't wear used clothes now because I'm thinking maybe they don't wash their clothes.

I had a conversation once with a young woman who was pregnant and trying to save money. She was ranting that someone had suggessted she put her child in used clothing. USED CLOTHING for her precious baby!! The whole time I was thinking, you're baby is going to be very messy, and grow very quickly, new clothes are just waste of money for an infant (and they don't care).

There are some things I don't like to buy used, but not everything. I work retail. I see how much dirt and shenanigans goes on with the new clothing racks!

The bolded reminds me of someone my mother knew years ago. This lady only wore new clothes - she didn't like the feel of clothing that had been washed, even if it was only once. Mother helped her clean out her basement and took about ten(?) huge bags of clothes to the thrift shop because they had been worn and the lady didn't want them anymore.

[VorFemme]

I remember when Prince William & Kate announced their engagement with the ring his dad gave his mum and I wondered if that was a good idea, given what happened to Chuck & Di's marriage.

Actually, I think it was lovely that it ended up being given and received with love...by her son to his wife.

[Sophia]

On the bride's bouquet, if the only reason the bride abandoned the silk idea was her mom having the vapors, you want to mention this idea.  Silk bouquets can be kept forever. 
I made a cascade one out of various white flowers from Michael's.  It is now on top of a bookcase in the living room and my tiara is nestled in the flowers.  Both the mothers got wrist corsages on ribbons and they are both on display at their houses.  (They could have tossed them, but they both think they are pretty)

[VorFemme]

On the bride's bouquet, if the only reason the bride abandoned the silk idea was her mom having the vapors, you want to mention this idea.  Silk bouquets can be kept forever. 
I made a cascade one out of various white flowers from Michael's.  It is now on top of a bookcase in the living room and my tiara is nestled in the flowers.  Both the mothers got wrist corsages on ribbons and they are both on display at their houses.  (They could have tossed them, but they both think they are pretty)

DD (Ambrosia Hino) played with my matron of honor flowers from a wedding before she was conceived - once she got old enough to play dress up and wanted a bouquet of flowers.  My original wedding bouquet (a gift from my MIL just before the wedding) is dried flower stems, dusty lace, a plastic handle, and not much more...granted, we are coming up on our 38th anniversary the first weekend of December! 

But silk flowers can be made ahead and don't have to be kept in the fridge, tying up space needed for the canapés!

[IrishGenes]

Some people have a real problem with wearing used clothing - as if you're going to pick up something nasty.  Unless you're in the habit of keeping clothes you find behind dumpsters, however, that shouldn't be a problem!  Clothes can be washed, after all.  I LOVE thrift stores and consignment stores.

I remember Amy whatsername (argh - what was her name?  The lady with the cheapskate blog?) having an argument with someone about buying clothes from thrift stores.   Amy said innocently "You stay in hotels, don't you?"  "Yes."  "Ewww!" said Amy, very tongue-in-cheek, "you mean you sleep in sheets that someone else slept in?"  "That's not the same thing!   They wash those sheets!"   "Yes, and I wash the clothes I buy.  It's exactly the same thing."

Amy Dacyzyn. 

[HenrysMom]

Some people have a real problem with wearing used clothing - as if you're going to pick up something nasty.  Unless you're in the habit of keeping clothes you find behind dumpsters, however, that shouldn't be a problem!  Clothes can be washed, after all.  I LOVE thrift stores and consignment stores.

I remember Amy whatsername (argh - what was her name?  The lady with the cheapskate blog?) having an argument with someone about buying clothes from thrift stores.   Amy said innocently "You stay in hotels, don't you?"  "Yes."  "Ewww!" said Amy, very tongue-in-cheek, "you mean you sleep in sheets that someone else slept in?"  "That's not the same thing!   They wash those sheets!"   "Yes, and I wash the clothes I buy.  It's exactly the same thing."

Amy Dacyzyn. 

I myself don't like wearing used clothing, but that's my issue, so I don't say "Ewww!" when others shop there.

To my mind, the difference between used hotel sheets and used clothing is that, for the most part, I like to make the assumption that the sheets been washed in hot water and bleached.  Whereas most clothing doesn't do well in hot water and bleach, so I feel there may be some residual "other person's funk" left in the fabric.

[courtsmad25]

Some people have a real problem with wearing used clothing - as if you're going to pick up something nasty.  Unless you're in the habit of keeping clothes you find behind dumpsters, however, that shouldn't be a problem!  Clothes can be washed, after all.  I LOVE thrift stores and consignment stores.

I remember Amy whatsername (argh - what was her name?  The lady with the cheapskate blog?) having an argument with someone about buying clothes from thrift stores.   Amy said innocently "You stay in hotels, don't you?"  "Yes."  "Ewww!" said Amy, very tongue-in-cheek, "you mean you sleep in sheets that someone else slept in?"  "That's not the same thing!   They wash those sheets!"   "Yes, and I wash the clothes I buy.  It's exactly the same thing."

Amy Dacyzyn. 

I completely <3 her books, even if they are a little old now. OP, once you get the dress tailored to your body, she will never ever know the difference.. good luck to you

[Lillie82]

Her response is that money isn't an issue for me like some of the other girls, so I have no excuse to not pay full price for my dress.

Woaah! If she gives you that line again, use the next EHell phrase (which you can save in your pockets - yay for pockets, I never carry a purse) and say "What an interesting assumption!"

Good for you for getting the dress at Goodwill! What a find! Glad that K is rational and reasonable and not a bridezilla. And good for you for using your EHell phrase "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

I think I'm going to have to start using that a lot more often with her! This isn't the first reference she's made to how much money I make/have, usually I just ignore it, my mom drilled it into my head that the easiest way to tell who has no money is to see who talks about it the most, so just keep your lips zipped. It really is none of her business, she knows the field I work in and knows partner and I live debt free, so she's able to deduce that between the two of us we have a decent bank account, but again...not her money, not her business (even my own mother stays out of my money).

This post was reminding me of the Dave Ramsey show even before I saw the bolded!

I've tried to argue with family members that it's not necessary to go out and buy something new for family weddings, or for my dad's companies events. That it's ok to wear something you've worn before.