The problem is she always wants a fantastic gathering - but isn't willing to put the work into it. I would have to bring about 5 dishes, my own beverages and there would not be enough seating and would be balancing my dish on my lap.
Is there a reason why nobody has said, "Sally, we don't want to come to Christmas at your house--you never cook anything, WE bring all the food, and it's way too much work. Sure, we're willing to *help*, but there's never enough beverages, and we're bringing way too much stuff. When the rest of us have a family gathering, we make most of the food ourselves.
"And the time is just too weird. You insist we come way too early, and the meal--which is the main activity--doesn't start for too long a time, and then you want us to stay way too late.
"Sorry--it doesn't work for us. But I felt you deserved to know what the specific complaints are."
The bickering--well, some of that is on the bickerers.