Author Topic: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS - update # 54  (Read 15591 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30461
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #15 on: September 11, 2013, 03:09:43 PM »
The problem is she always wants a fantastic gathering - but isn't willing to put the work into it.  I would have to bring about 5 dishes, my own beverages and there would not be enough seating and would be balancing my dish on my lap.


Is there a reason why nobody has said, "Sally, we don't want to come to Christmas at your house--you never cook anything, WE bring all the food, and it's way too much work. Sure, we're willing to *help*, but there's never enough beverages, and we're bringing way too much stuff. When the rest of us have a family gathering, we make most of the food ourselves.
    "And the time is just too weird. You insist we come way too early, and the meal--which is the main activity--doesn't start for too long a time, and then you want us to stay way too late.
    "Sorry--it doesn't work for us. But I felt you deserved to know what the specific complaints are."

The bickering--well, some of that is on the bickerers.

bopper

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12220
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #16 on: September 12, 2013, 02:37:45 PM »
"Sally, if I have to cook my own Xmas dinner, I would rather do that at home.  "

MrTango

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2255
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #17 on: September 12, 2013, 02:52:23 PM »
POF,

Is Lakehouse Sally aware of your difficulties (re: your recent thread in the Hugs folder)?

Even if she isn't, her level of pushiness is rude, but if she is aware, then her behavior could even be seen as manipulative/opportunistic.  She may be using the discord in your house to disrupt a tradition that she sees as a threat to her dominance over the family.

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6888
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #18 on: September 12, 2013, 03:21:19 PM »
We have blocked off Christmas day for years to be our nuclear family only. We have a Christmas Eve candle lit ceremony we attend at church, then it is home and together until Boxing Day.

POF, Sally is something else!

hobish

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18186
  • Release the gelfling!
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #19 on: September 12, 2013, 03:44:35 PM »

I think you are doing great! I canít think of any other ways to go. My parents ran into the same thing. When my brother and I were little they got tired of going from place to place and trying to coordinate with every relative in the area. We loved visiting the grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles and eeeeeeveryone, but it was just so much for one already exciting day. Eventually they put their foot (feet?) down and said we would be staying home for Christmas. It was really nice. If a little vote of confidence helps any, I am nigh on 40 and still thankful my parents did that.

It's alright, man. I'm only bleeding, man. Stay hungry, stay free, and do the best you can.
~Gaslight Anthem

POF

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2620
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #20 on: September 12, 2013, 04:03:16 PM »
Lake House Sally isn't really factoring in anything going with me, she just wants to be the center of attention and te boss of all things.

We are not going to her house for XMAS.  Plus - DH's brother and his family - aleays want to come to our house.

She's a nutjob.

Snooks

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2360
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #21 on: September 12, 2013, 04:12:10 PM »

She's a nutjob.

Well yes, but nuts are traditional at Christmas.

On a more serious note at least you've spelt out early on that you aren't changing your plans.  I'd put good money on you getting lots of calls to check you're still hosting at Christmas because LHS says you're not.

Sophia

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11676
  • xi
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #22 on: September 13, 2013, 11:32:35 AM »
"Sally, if I have to cook my own Xmas dinner, I would rather do that at home.  "

I would seriously genuinely say this. 

Although, I suspect the POF would still stay at home even if Lakehouse Sally offered a fully catered meal. 

Redsoil

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2047
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #23 on: September 13, 2013, 11:44:34 AM »
Any time she brings it up, simply say something like "I hope you all have a wonderful time!"  No point getting into it - just deflect.  I assume she knows you'll simply celebrate at home and has accepted that.
Look out... 
It's one of the Aussie Contingent!


NotTheNarcissist

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 779
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #24 on: September 13, 2013, 04:26:00 PM »
OP you already have this under control. Kudos to your resolve & strong backbone.

Sally reminds me of my control freak SIL except my SIL cooks a huge meal. Even so I'm always struck around holidays the kids/nieces/nephews would rather hang w/ DH & I than at her house. For one thing we are more relaxed & aren't trying to force any rel@tionships with anyone. For another we aren't grilling each person with personal question after personal question. She does those 2 things & I guess kids are just tired of it.

POF

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2620
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #25 on: September 13, 2013, 07:07:12 PM »
I usually am pretty organized and I make sure that there are plenty of appies, drinks and stuff to nosh on before dinner. We eat as planned - SIL will be at leat 2 hours late.  Desserts are on my buffet and you can have dessert before dinner, with dinner, immediately after or 2 hours later - I don't care :)

I also don't sweat when people come and go ...

I plan activities - but they are not required:

Yankee Grab,

This year I am doing family trivia - prize is an itunes card,

I get my MIL to tell her most embarrassing stories - she gets a few drinks first

This year - we might play a form of scavenger hunt.





JeanFromBNA

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2227
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #26 on: September 13, 2013, 07:59:17 PM »
I got really excited when I saw your post  :D   

Glad I wasn't alone!  ;)

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10824
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #27 on: September 13, 2013, 08:08:32 PM »
Wow, we usually spend a good amount of time at my IL's on Christmas Day but that's pleasant because MIL does most of the cooking and each family brings a part of the meal.  This is mainly because MIL has a small kitchen though.  And it rotates so no family is stuck doing the turkey or potatoes two years in a row.

It's also pleasant because everyone keeps it so. :)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

pierrotlunaire0

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4149
  • I'm the cat's aunt!
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #28 on: September 13, 2013, 08:37:06 PM »
POF, I have to say, your Xmas day sounds like a lot of fun.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy

blarg314

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8437
Re: Lakehouse Sally and "Dibs" on XMAS
« Reply #29 on: September 15, 2013, 07:35:16 AM »

Even when everyone is a good host and people get along, you reach a point when there are too many people in the mix to have everyone at the same place for Christmas. Families with small kids often decide to stay at home, to keep the kids from getting stressed and cranky. Couples alternate between the sides of the families. People move and can't get back for Christmas. If you *do* get everyone in one place, there isn't room for them, and preparing food for that many people becomes prohibitively difficult.

But there is a certain level of special self centredness when someone recognizes that people would rather go somewhere else other than their event for the holidays, but manages to be completely oblivious to the fact that reason no-one wants to come is that their own event is badly organized and chaotic, a huge amount of work for everyone else, takes too long and is short on basic hospitality.