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Author Topic: Commiserating etiquette  (Read 6794 times)

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Re: Commiserating etiquette
« Reply #30 on: September 12, 2013, 12:02:50 PM »
This is SUCH a good string!  So much good advice, so many good ideas.  I've already shared some of it with a friend who, like me, is often worn out by a mutual friend who just always needs to be in crisis.  So, thank you all from her, too! 

And my husband got a glimmer of recognition when I told him about girlfriend/husband mode.  He understands the principle, but he has trouble remembering not to offer quick solutions -- which feels so condescending to me ("Gee, I was all upset, and you've shown me that I am a childish idiot to be upset by something that is so simple to your superior brain!  Thanks SO much for telling me how to feel!" ::)) -- and just to say something like, "Wow, what a day!  That person was acting like a complete jerk.  Sorry you had to put up with that.  Here, have a nice glass of wine."   :)  Tonight I'll introduce the "V" sign.  Great idea.  He will like that.


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Re: Commiserating etiquette
« Reply #31 on: September 13, 2013, 07:27:19 AM »
"Bragsplaining"  I love it! 

That so exactly defines a situation I got into with my niece.  I was visiting my mom in another state (so, for a week or so).  At the time, niece (early 20's) was living with her.  One morning, she arose around 11:00 complaining about how she didn't get much sleep that night because of all the texts and calls she kept getting. 

I told her she should turn her phone off.  Horror of horrors!!!!  What if she missed something?!?!?  What if someone needed her!?!?!? 

After a short conversation, she went into another room and I looked over at Mom, to see her trying to stifle a laugh.  She told me that I had missed the point of niece's complaint.  I wasn't supposed to think it was an actual problem.....I was supposed to be impressed with how many friends she had and people who relied on her.   

The funny thing about it is that a few weeks later, niece posted on facebook that she really needed to sleep that night so she was turning off her phone.  She apologized in advance for not "being there" for anyone who might need her.  The next day she posted about the best night sleep she's had in a long time and will be turning off her phone at night more often and how it was such a "brilliant idea" and why hadn't she thought of it sooner. 
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.