I think I was OK on this. Maybe not a social butterfly or super fun to be around but cordial.
My husband has a friend Tom who has a place out in the country. It’s very rustic and they have a shooting gallery where they shoot in the afternoon.
The rest of the time is taken up by cooking on an open fire and drinking lots of alcohol. (Alcohol is never involved during shooting sessions, btw.)
My husband usually goes up there with another friend Hal and it’s a lot of guys hanging out. My husband and Tom were always pestering me to go.
So, finally, I went. Hal was not going to be able to go so it was even better. I don’t really like Hal enough to want to spend a few hours in a car with him let alone an entire weekend.
And I must say, I was a little resentful of the constant pressure to go. A message on FB from Tom to me said “You better come Missy!” I don’t like being called “Missy.”
The people who go up there for these weekends changes. This weekend I was told that it was going to be Tom and a friend of his Jon.
So, we get up there and Tom is already three sheets to the wind. He is barely stringing sentences together but is a happy drunk and is saying that according to the rules we all have to do a shot of vodka.
My husband who never does shots is totally into it. I decline citing medication issues (which was true).
So, while not completely at ease with Tom being so drunk, that is not really the problem.
The problem is that in addition to Jon, there is also another man there. We’ll call him Rusty.
When we arrive, Tom is not the only drunk one. Jon and Rusty are pretty drunk too and are continuing to do shots.
It starts to dawn on me that I am very, very uncomfortable in the situation. I think about the fact that I do not know Jon or Rusty at all. We are in the middle of nowhere, no cell reception, no phones at all. We have a small arsenal of weapons and everyone (but me) is drunk and getting drunker. And as the only female in the situation, I do not feel safe. We are all staying in the small 3 bedroom house there.
I figure that the main source of my discomfort is the extra man. My husband has met Jon several times before, but he doesn’t know Rusty and we are not sure if Rusty is Jon’s friend only or if he is also a friend of Tom’s.
My discomfort over the weapons is not that they are weapons but that I know they are worth a great deal of money and not really trusting at least one of the guys who was there, my mind was spinning a Lifetime movie in my brain, if you understand what I mean.
So, my behavior was essentially to be invisible. I stayed in my room all day and read, going for a walk later on when the men had left the house. I told my DH about not feeling safe so he made sure to come up to the house if Jon or Rusty did so that I would not be alone with them at all.
I just kind of ignored both Jon and Rusty the whole weekend.
At one point, the first night, Tom made dinner and it was really simple but it was something I liked and I was happy with it. Rusty slid up to me and said “This is the stuff you get when Tom makes dinner. But, don’t you worry, I’m gonna cook for you tomorrow night, babe!”
I said nothing. It was not an appropriate comment, particularly the "babe" part.* I thought that saying anything at all would only give him traction for more interaction which was something I wanted nothing of. So, I didn’t. I didn’t look at him even when we were sitting around the campfire. (*And he didn't cook at all either--it was never in the plans for him to do so, so I don't even know why he said that.)
Jon was easier to ignore because he was kind of jumpy and always everywhere at once. I doubt he even noticed that I didn’t interact with him.
I did interact with my host Tom throughout the day and in the evenings.
Also, the second night up there, I was fixing something for dinner up in the house by myself when Rusty came up there. I don't know why he came up there--maybe to get something from the kitchen. But, he came into the house with a lit cigarette which was definitely a no-no and he lingered for a few minutes. I again did not encourage any interaction and was very uncomfortable being there alone with him.
So, I guess the question is, under these rather bizarre circumstances, was I required to do more than be cordial to a man who made me very uncomfortable, even if he might not have really posed a threat to me.
I’m thinking no, but there is a part of me that thinks I should have given the guy a chance. Although, my more sensible side kicks in and suggests that that would have been fine under different circumstances.
I wonder if I upset my host but its really hard to tell because he was drunk for much of the time.
And let me be clear. I didn't refuse to talk to anyone or ignore them if they addressed me directly (which they really didn't do to any great extent) but I definitely put off a vibe of "don't bother me" to Rusty and to a lesser extent, Jon.
I can't even really put my finger on exactly what set my detectors. I just know that I didn't feel safe.
Topic: Socializing with someone who makes you feel unsafe (Read 31480 times)