Author Topic: Bashing another person  (Read 4810 times)

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Redwing

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #15 on: September 12, 2013, 03:30:34 PM »
I understand why people are reluctant to use names. 

The names don't have to be the actual person's names. I've definitely made up names to use in stories I've posted.

Sure they can, and I don't know why they don't make up names!   :)

Allyson

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #16 on: September 12, 2013, 04:50:58 PM »
I think it's all about perception. Depending on what threads one is looking at, one person might encounter more where the consensus is against the OP, and another where everyone defends the OP. I think this is also one reason we avoid politics here for the most part--it's hard not to see things through that lens.

I notice sometimes one person will complain about being 'jumped all over or 'dogpiled' when it's really just a lot of people disagreeing, and sometimes even a few folk disagreeing. So the line isn't always clear. I can think of a couple of threads where pretty much everyone felt a particular way, but most of the posters were polite. It just can seem overwhelming.

Sometimes there'll be a thread that's pretty well split 50/50, or even 30/70 in favour of the OP, but the OP will come in and say "I really regret even posting this thread, you can all go back to bashing me now, I won't be coming back" or something similar, leaving people going 'Huh'.

Also these things tend to snowball so you might get a thread where someone complains about a tasteless joke the friend made, and on page 1 people are saying 'definitely speak up if you're upset, but this doesn't seem like that big a deal' and by page 4 it's 'I would *never* be friends with someone who made that type of joke, I would immediately kick them out of my house!'

Hillia

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #17 on: September 12, 2013, 04:54:55 PM »
My favorite overreaction was to one of my threads several years ago, where I complained that my BIL took family photos MIL had given me out of my photo album.  Someone was very definite that I should call the police.  I mean, yeah, it was a jerk move on his part, but I can just imagine the reaction of the responding officers!

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veronaz

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #18 on: September 12, 2013, 04:59:14 PM »
My favorite overreaction was to one of my threads several years ago, where I complained that my BIL took family photos MIL had given me out of my photo album.  Someone was very definite that I should call the police.  I mean, yeah, it was a jerk move on his part, but I can just imagine the reaction of the responding officers!

 :D Yeah, that's OTT.  But I know of a case where someone did call the police for something similar.  Pathetic. ::)

*inviteseller

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #19 on: September 12, 2013, 06:04:42 PM »
I have actually seen more bashing of the OP's lately.  Do I make comments on situations that may seem like I am bashing the person being discussed?  Yes, I give my opinion based on what OP says and what I would do if I am in that situation, but there seems to be a good amount of posters who get angry over any views that seem different from theirs and are bashing posters.  I have felt personally called out on my opinions in 'snarky' manners, and have seen some OP's ripped up for asking a question.  The reason someone posts is because they are in a quandry and the reason we respond the way we do is because we say what we feel we would do if it is us.  This is a discussion board with many,many,many different views that people give from their own life experiences.  I think the mods have been doing a great job of shutting down anything that is getting out of control with very good explanations.

 I haven't seen this at all if anything , people behave as if the OP couldn't have done a single thing wrong and they  are just surrounded by mean evil people.  I do think that  I support the OP sometime goes to far and that  a little self refection would do wonders. There are some poster so seem to have a problem with everyone. friend, coworkers, fiance, parents, inlaws etc.  taken separately people have talked about how the people they are reacting with are cruel , mean etc, but when you  look at the overall picture you  notice that  the only thing these people have in common is the OP.

OK, I am willing to take that 'public flogging' I heard tell of, but basically this post and a few others on this thread sound like you are calling out certain posters..basically calling them out on either lying or embellishing or for making responses you don't agree with so they must be wrong and how can some posters continue to make comments that are, to you personal self, be so wrong???.  If anyone has a problem with any posts or posters, either take it up with them on IM or through the moderators.  Yes, some stories may seem over the top and some of us encounter more rudeness than others but if I feel so strongly that something in a post doesn't add up, I quit reading it and move on.  And as far as the mods 'flogging'..certain people get warned more simply because they stray into territory that is forbidden on the board or they make comments that are out of line.  I think if you (general) feel that a post isn't sitting right to you, do the Scritzy coke rule, and then either walk away from the post or send it to the mods..including my post.

oogyda

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #20 on: September 12, 2013, 09:55:56 PM »
veronaz wrote:

"I agree, but I also notice that this forum often favors public floggings (often quite snide) – even by moderators."

In response to your comment about "often" I went through ten random threads and found none that contained any kind of flogging at all.  Sure, it happens, but saying "often" doesn't line up with what the threads themselves show, and so such a comment comes across as a dig against the moderators rather than a discussion about what may be wrong with the site or moderation.

Hillia wrote:

"It makes me sad to see so many people jump to 'I would never let her see  my kids again!'."

On the other side, there are often arguments about what posters said, and on going back and reviewing the posts I find that the accused behavior isn't anywhere near reality.  To take your example, I've seen lots of examples where someone will lament as you did, but when I read back the strongest comment I can find says something along the lines of "Don't allow her unsupervised visits until she can prove that she'll follow your practices regarding your kids."  A real example is a thread where "shut down the sleepovers at Grandma's house for the time being" drew three comments about how it's unfair to the kids not to let them have a relationship with their grandparents, and so before I ever comment about what "so many people" say, I've learned to carefully reread what was actually said so I'm not inserting my own biases into the discussion.

Virg

Virg, if you read the sentence with an for the parenthesis, she is saying that when there are floggings, they are often quite snide.  Not that the floggings occur "often". 
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

*inviteseller

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #21 on: September 12, 2013, 10:35:06 PM »
veronaz wrote:

"I agree, but I also notice that this forum often favors public floggings (often quite snide) – even by moderators."

In response to your comment about "often" I went through ten random threads and found none that contained any kind of flogging at all.  Sure, it happens, but saying "often" doesn't line up with what the threads themselves show, and so such a comment comes across as a dig against the moderators rather than a discussion about what may be wrong with the site or moderation.

Hillia wrote:

"It makes me sad to see so many people jump to 'I would never let her see  my kids again!'."

On the other side, there are often arguments about what posters said, and on going back and reviewing the posts I find that the accused behavior isn't anywhere near reality.  To take your example, I've seen lots of examples where someone will lament as you did, but when I read back the strongest comment I can find says something along the lines of "Don't allow her unsupervised visits until she can prove that she'll follow your practices regarding your kids."  A real example is a thread where "shut down the sleepovers at Grandma's house for the time being" drew three comments about how it's unfair to the kids not to let them have a relationship with their grandparents, and so before I ever comment about what "so many people" say, I've learned to carefully reread what was actually said so I'm not inserting my own biases into the discussion.

Virg

Virg, if you read the sentence with an for the parenthesis, she is saying that when there are floggings, they are often quite snide.  Not that the floggings occur "often". 

veronaz

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #22 on: September 12, 2013, 10:42:14 PM »
Quote
Virg, if you read the sentence with an for the parenthesis, she is saying that when there are floggings, they are often quite snide.  Not that the floggings occur "often". 

Precisely. ;)

Virg

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #23 on: September 13, 2013, 05:15:33 PM »
oogyda wrote:

"Virg, if you read the sentence with an for the parenthesis, she is saying that when there are floggings, they are often quite snide.  Not that the floggings occur "often"."

The sentence says "...this forum often favors public floggings...".

Virg

Visiting Crazy Town

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #24 on: September 13, 2013, 05:21:58 PM »
I have actually seen more bashing of the OP's lately.  Do I make comments on situations that may seem like I am bashing the person being discussed?  Yes, I give my opinion based on what OP says and what I would do if I am in that situation, but there seems to be a good amount of posters who get angry over any views that seem different from theirs and are bashing posters.  I have felt personally called out on my opinions in 'snarky' manners, and have seen some OP's ripped up for asking a question.  The reason someone posts is because they are in a quandry and the reason we respond the way we do is because we say what we feel we would do if it is us.  This is a discussion board with many,many,many different views that people give from their own life experiences.  I think the mods have been doing a great job of shutting down anything that is getting out of control with very good explanations.

 I haven't seen this at all if anything , people behave as if the OP couldn't have done a single thing wrong and they  are just surrounded by mean evil people.  I do think that  I support the OP sometime goes to far and that  a little self refection would do wonders. There are some poster so seem to have a problem with everyone. friend, coworkers, fiance, parents, inlaws etc.  taken separately people have talked about how the people they are reacting with are cruel , mean etc, but when you  look at the overall picture you  notice that  the only thing these people have in common is the OP.

OK, I am willing to take that 'public flogging' I heard tell of, but basically this post and a few others on this thread sound like you are calling out certain posters..basically calling them out on either lying or embellishing or for making responses you don't agree with so they must be wrong and how can some posters continue to make comments that are, to you personal self, be so wrong???.  If anyone has a problem with any posts or posters, either take it up with them on IM or through the moderators.  Yes, some stories may seem over the top and some of us encounter more rudeness than others but if I feel so strongly that something in a post doesn't add up, I quit reading it and move on.  And as far as the mods 'flogging'..certain people get warned more simply because they stray into territory that is forbidden on the board or they make comments that are out of line.  I think if you (general) feel that a post isn't sitting right to you, do the Scritzy coke rule, and then either walk away from the post or send it to the mods..including my post.
I also didn’t comment on the stories in general, If I have a problem then I contact a MOD about it. This has nothing to do with calling certain posters out and if you  feel defensive then I am sorry, I just notice a pattern that  I think I see and I brought it up, there is no need to tell me about the Scritzy coke rule I already know it.  If you  feel like posters shouldn’t be questioned at all then I'm sorry but even mods have said you  can question a person gently

*inviteseller

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #25 on: September 13, 2013, 07:21:13 PM »
I am not defensive, just how I read your post.
I have actually seen more bashing of the OP's lately.  Do I make comments on situations that may seem like I am bashing the person being discussed?  Yes, I give my opinion based on what OP says and what I would do if I am in that situation, but there seems to be a good amount of posters who get angry over any views that seem different from theirs and are bashing posters.  I have felt personally called out on my opinions in 'snarky' manners, and have seen some OP's ripped up for asking a question.  The reason someone posts is because they are in a quandry and the reason we respond the way we do is because we say what we feel we would do if it is us.  This is a discussion board with many,many,many different views that people give from their own life experiences.  I think the mods have been doing a great job of shutting down anything that is getting out of control with very good explanations.

 I haven't seen this at all if anything , people behave as if the OP couldn't have done a single thing wrong and they  are just surrounded by mean evil people.  I do think that  I support the OP sometime goes to far and that  a little self refection would do wonders. There are some poster so seem to have a problem with everyone. friend, coworkers, fiance, parents, inlaws etc.  taken separately people have talked about how the people they are reacting with are cruel , mean etc, but when you  look at the overall picture you  notice that  the only thing these people have in common is the OP.
[/b]

OK, I am willing to take that 'public flogging' I heard tell of, but basically this post and a few others on this thread sound like you are calling out certain posters..basically calling them out on either lying or embellishing or for making responses you don't agree with so they must be wrong and how can some posters continue to make comments that are, to you personal self, be so wrong???.  If anyone has a problem with any posts or posters, either take it up with them on IM or through the moderators.  Yes, some stories may seem over the top and some of us encounter more rudeness than others but if I feel so strongly that something in a post doesn't add up, I quit reading it and move on.  And as far as the mods 'flogging'..certain people get warned more simply because they stray into territory that is forbidden on the board or they make comments that are out of line.  I think if you (general) feel that a post isn't sitting right to you, do the Scritzy coke rule, and then either walk away from the post or send it to the mods..including my post.
I also didn’t comment on the stories in general, If I have a problem then I contact a MOD about it. This has nothing to do with calling certain posters out and if you  feel defensive then I am sorry, I just notice a pattern that  I think I see and I brought it up, there is no need to tell me about the Scritzy coke rule I already know it.  If you  feel like posters shouldn’t be questioned at all then I'm sorry but even mods have said you  can question a person gently

And I question things that may be missing or unclear, but I would never question another person's whole story's truthfulness.  That is for the mods to decide, not me.  Gentle questioning is one thing, but some posters seem to be calling out OP's and other posters for their opinions.  I don't agree with some people, but I will gladly look at their post and see their side as it may enlighten me to something I have never thought of or it might make me roll my eyes.  But other's opinions are just that, theirs, based on their life experiences or backgrounds.  Again, if anyone has an issues with any posts, it is not up to us individually as posters to call people out about the veracity of their story or for having a possible unpopular solution..contact mods.

Curious Cat

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #26 on: September 13, 2013, 07:27:43 PM »
I am not defensive, just how I read your post.
I have actually seen more bashing of the OP's lately.  Do I make comments on situations that may seem like I am bashing the person being discussed?  Yes, I give my opinion based on what OP says and what I would do if I am in that situation, but there seems to be a good amount of posters who get angry over any views that seem different from theirs and are bashing posters.  I have felt personally called out on my opinions in 'snarky' manners, and have seen some OP's ripped up for asking a question.  The reason someone posts is because they are in a quandry and the reason we respond the way we do is because we say what we feel we would do if it is us.  This is a discussion board with many,many,many different views that people give from their own life experiences.  I think the mods have been doing a great job of shutting down anything that is getting out of control with very good explanations.

 I haven't seen this at all if anything , people behave as if the OP couldn't have done a single thing wrong and they  are just surrounded by mean evil people.  I do think that  I support the OP sometime goes to far and that  a little self refection would do wonders. There are some poster so seem to have a problem with everyone. friend, coworkers, fiance, parents, inlaws etc.  taken separately people have talked about how the people they are reacting with are cruel , mean etc, but when you  look at the overall picture you  notice that  the only thing these people have in common is the OP.
[/b]

OK, I am willing to take that 'public flogging' I heard tell of, but basically this post and a few others on this thread sound like you are calling out certain posters..basically calling them out on either lying or embellishing or for making responses you don't agree with so they must be wrong and how can some posters continue to make comments that are, to you personal self, be so wrong???.  If anyone has a problem with any posts or posters, either take it up with them on IM or through the moderators.  Yes, some stories may seem over the top and some of us encounter more rudeness than others but if I feel so strongly that something in a post doesn't add up, I quit reading it and move on.  And as far as the mods 'flogging'..certain people get warned more simply because they stray into territory that is forbidden on the board or they make comments that are out of line.  I think if you (general) feel that a post isn't sitting right to you, do the Scritzy coke rule, and then either walk away from the post or send it to the mods..including my post.
I also didn’t comment on the stories in general, If I have a problem then I contact a MOD about it. This has nothing to do with calling certain posters out and if you  feel defensive then I am sorry, I just notice a pattern that  I think I see and I brought it up, there is no need to tell me about the Scritzy coke rule I already know it.  If you  feel like posters shouldn’t be questioned at all then I'm sorry but even mods have said you  can question a person gently

And I question things that may be missing or unclear, but I would never question another person's whole story's truthfulness.  That is for the mods to decide, not me.  Gentle questioning is one thing, but some posters seem to be calling out OP's and other posters for their opinions.  I don't agree with some people, but I will gladly look at their post and see their side as it may enlighten me to something I have never thought of or it might make me roll my eyes.  But other's opinions are just that, theirs, based on their life experiences or backgrounds.  Again, if anyone has an issues with any posts, it is not up to us individually as posters to call people out about the veracity of their story or for having a possible unpopular solution..contact mods.

As a matter of fact I believe you are incorrect and there are no rules against questioning a posters story. Could you post a link to where it says it isn't allowed?

oogyda

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #27 on: September 13, 2013, 07:31:30 PM »
oogyda wrote:

"Virg, if you read the sentence with an for the parenthesis, she is saying that when there are floggings, they are often quite snide.  Not that the floggings occur "often"."

The sentence says "...this forum often favors public floggings...".

Virg

point given.  I missed the first "often".
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

redsfan

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #28 on: September 13, 2013, 07:33:26 PM »
I'm confused.  Are you referring to when someone is telling a story, and they might say "Let's call her mean girl".  I don't have any issue with this.  It is usually followed by a story of, well, a girl being mean.  If other posters disagree that the girl wasn't being mean, I have seen many times when they will reply stating their beliefs.   I also think mean girl is much nicer than Jane Doe at 123 Any Street.  It's a way of identifying to readers and make a story easier to read without using given names. 

Goosey

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #29 on: September 13, 2013, 07:52:19 PM »
I think she's referring to when an OP will post something and posters will say things like "well based on this snippet of information I say this girl is a mean girl/bad mother/bad person/dangerous"

Basically judging an individual's entire person or quality of person from one instance from one point of view. It comes off as rather harsh and judgmental, especially on etiquette site.