Author Topic: Bashing another person  (Read 4782 times)

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cass2591

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #30 on: September 13, 2013, 07:55:12 PM »
Quote
And I question things that may be missing or unclear, but I would never question another person's whole story's truthfulness.  That is for the mods to decide, not me.  Gentle questioning is one thing, but some posters seem to be calling out OP's and other posters for their opinions.  I don't agree with some people, but I will gladly look at their post and see their side as it may enlighten me to something I have never thought of or it might make me roll my eyes.  But other's opinions are just that, theirs, based on their life experiences or backgrounds.  Again, if anyone has an issues with any posts, it is not up to us individually as posters to call people out about the veracity of their story or for having a possible unpopular solution..contact mods.

Well, you certainly don't come out and call a person a troll or a liar, etc. But as stated above there is nothing wrong with pointing out inconsistencies in a story/thread, especially those really dramatic ones. The same applies to a poster; by that I mean if someone posts one week they have 4 kids and the next week they are single and childless, question her/him. Obviously that's an extreme but hopefully you get my point.

As for those who call out others for differing opinions, calling out is subjective. Debates are fine, disagreements, as long as they remain civil, are also fine. There are posters here who do think that their way is the only way and they are the ones who, when appropriate, get moderated. Eventually they may argue their way out of here, but they've been warned so the onus is on them.
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Katana_Geldar

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #31 on: September 14, 2013, 09:56:56 AM »
What about calling a poster crazy or delusional and assuming that others have e same opinion as yourself on the subject. I started a thread which I did so,etching which was seen ad odd by most posters but was supported by a significant few. That majority called me crazy and interfering and told me that those I had talked to about the issue felt the same way and didn't take me seriously at all.

It's one thing to have your own opinion, it's quite another to assume everyone else shares it, and it's extremely strange to support your own opinion in spite of the assurances of the OP who had first hand experience.

I remember being rather taken aback by that thread, by the people doubting my own sanity.

Dindrane

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #32 on: September 14, 2013, 12:22:42 PM »
I think it's hard to make any sort of general statement about trends on this board. Everyone interprets things differently, and there are so many threads that it's easy for two people to have very little overlap in what they have read during the same timeframe.

I have, pretty regularly, seen references to other threads made in an offhand way, with the title nicknamed. People will refer to those other threads in a way that makes it clear they think everyone has both seen it and read it. But I sometimes find in that situation that not only have I not read it, I haven't even seen it, and have to do some serious digging just to find it.

I am only on this board at pretty specific times of day (pretty much weekday mornings and evenings, and weekends), and I have a very specific way of browsing threads that I'm sure not everyone shares. So my impression of what is posted here is likely to be very different than someone who browses threads differently or is on here at times when I am not.

I say all of that because, personally, I haven't witnessed all that much in the way of antagonist-to-OP bashing, nor have I witnessed all that much in the way of OP bashing. What bashing I have seen seems to be split pretty evenly between the two. That's not to say that others haven't witnessed something different, because I have no doubt they have. But it also doesn't mean that my takeaway of the amount of bashing going on is inaccurate, either.

And, of course, we all interpret things through the lens of our own experience. What to one person seems like a completely over-the-top reaction might seem to another like an entirely reasonable course of action.

One thing I do sometimes see, which I think can contribute to seemingly harsh language overall, is that an OP will describe a situation that appears completely beyond normal to the vast majority of posters, even though from the description, the OP clearly thinks it's normal and not very noteworthy. So the posters respond, saying how abnormal they think the situation is, and the OP realizes (after a whole lot of responses) that the situation actually isn't normal.

I don't think that happens all that often, but it does happen. And when it does, the OP is ultimately able to see the abnormality that is so clear to other posters only because those posters don't hold back when describing their reaction. To someone who doesn't see things the same way, that can come off as very harsh. So in threads where it's not an overwhelming number of posters seeing something as completely beyond normal, but just a few, it can look like those few are just bashing the antagonist (or the OP, depending), even if that really isn't what they intend to do.


veronaz

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #33 on: September 14, 2013, 01:01:14 PM »
 ???

Dindrane, so what exactly are you saying/

That everyone see everything differently?  That’s not accurate…sometimes several people see thing the same way.

That sometimes the OP sees a situation as normal, and others see it as abnormal?  Sure, that happens.

That people refer to threads you haven’t seen?

But what does that have to do with the topic; i.e., bashing another person?

Allyson

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #34 on: September 15, 2013, 04:16:28 PM »
I think what Dindrane is saying, and I agree, is that whenever these threads crop up (essentially discussing whether there's a particular not-good trend happening on the boards) some people will have seen this trend, whereas others will have seen the exact opposite. This particularly is true because we generally try not to *name* what threads we are talking about, so it can be unclear.

For instance a thread about "Lately I've noticed a lot of people jumping all over the OP and dogpiling." Some people will say "yes I agree" and others will say "wow, really? I haven't seen that at all. If anything, I notice people twisting around to defend the OP no matter what." Now it *could* be that these people have seen different threads, and that the threads inspiring the original post were just not noticed by the dissenting posters. Or, maybe they saw the threads, but interpreted it differently. "Bashing" to one person is "disagreement" to another. And "twisting oneself into knots to defend rude behaviour" is seen as "giving the benefit of the doubt" to others.

Without concrete examples it isn't easy to see what a poster might see as a "bashing" thread. I've seen comments about how a certain type of disagreement is happening a lot on the boards, but I never noticed it all. So, I might go around seeing if I can find which threads the person is actually talking about.

I remember years ago there were complaints that certain posters were really difficult, and lots of agreement. But, everyone probably wasn't thinking of the same 3 people, either. It's one reason I think it's a good thing that we keep political party names out of discussions. It's hard not to be biased against those with beliefs we find totally abhorrent.



LifeOnPluto

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #35 on: September 15, 2013, 11:33:11 PM »
I personally haven't seen any threads where another poster (not the OP) was "bashed". Or maybe I have, but didn't interpret it as "bashing"?  :P

I have recently seen a couple of instances where I felt the OP was being dog-piled. They were the sorts of threads that say "My relative is doing XYZ, what can I do about it?" and many of the responses have been very blunt. Eg "This is absolutely none of your business and not an etiquette issue at all!" With threads like that, I don't join in (even if I agree that it is indeed, none of the OP's business). The point has been made already.

I also hope that the OPs in those threads aren't deterred from posting in future. One of the great things about eHell (IMO) is that no one seems to hold grudges. I've had posters disagree with me strongly in the past on particular issues, and tell me in no uncertain terms how wrong I am! But on other occasions those same posters have offered me very kind and supportive advice. So just because an OP gets "dog-piled" (or "bashed", if you like) doesn't mean that everyone on eHell will despise them for all eternity.

 

Tea Drinker

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #36 on: September 15, 2013, 11:49:52 PM »
One of the other boards I read has, in the commenting rules, "There are no points for class participation." In other words, if a suggestion or idea has already been offered, or a point has already been made, the default is not to repeat it.

Obviously that doesn't apply to things like "I need a hug," where more "yes, I care" is good, or any sort of poll that's asking "how many of you do X, or Y, or Z?" I guess the question for us is When is it appropriate to say "I agree with so-and-so" and when is the original poster likely to feel put upon? And I would be a lot more inclined to say "Yes, I think you're the one who should apologize here" if someone was asking whether they or a friend/relative/coworker was in the wrong, than to be the fourth person to say "have you thought of using snail mail for that?"
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Virg

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #37 on: September 16, 2013, 09:29:57 AM »
Tea Drinker wrote:

"And I would be a lot more inclined to say "Yes, I think you're the one who should apologize here" if someone was asking whether they or a friend/relative/coworker was in the wrong, than to be the fourth person to say "have you thought of using snail mail for that?""

There's some value in putting your POD on something when the poster is looking for opinions.  When a poster asks if they stepped over a line, one person saying they did is going to have a different effect than five people saying it.  There are times when it crosses the line into dogpiling, but it's not always wrong to be the fourth person to say something.

Virg

Dindrane

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Re: Bashing another person
« Reply #38 on: September 16, 2013, 10:23:33 AM »
Tea Drinker wrote:

"And I would be a lot more inclined to say "Yes, I think you're the one who should apologize here" if someone was asking whether they or a friend/relative/coworker was in the wrong, than to be the fourth person to say "have you thought of using snail mail for that?""

There's some value in putting your POD on something when the poster is looking for opinions.  When a poster asks if they stepped over a line, one person saying they did is going to have a different effect than five people saying it.  There are times when it crosses the line into dogpiling, but it's not always wrong to be the fourth person to say something.

Virg

I think that's sort of what Tea Drinker was getting at (unless I'm reading the post incorrectly). I think it's the difference between adding an opinion about a situation vs. adding a practical suggestion or factual statement. For the latter, there's not always much value added by repeating it, but for the former, there definitely can be.