Author Topic: A spotless home.  (Read 7208 times)

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lkdrymom

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2013, 06:48:50 AM »
I was thinking the same thing...she is fishing for compliments.

MummySweet

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #16 on: September 13, 2013, 08:52:42 AM »
I find "excuse the mess" comments awkward, mostly because my house tends toward the cluttered. 
I've finally adopted my DH's response to that type of comment, "I'm here to see you, not your house!" 

scotcat60

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #17 on: September 13, 2013, 08:58:33 AM »
Sign for sale on a stall in Greenwhich Market, London UK this a.m.

"A Clean Home is a Sign of a Broken Computer"

SCMagnolia

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #18 on: September 13, 2013, 09:38:21 AM »
I think a simple "thank you" would be plenty and comments like "oh, don't mind the mess" are just self-effacing remarks.  But then, I am kind of a clean freak and I take pride in how my home looks so a "your house is so clean" would be a compliment to me the same as it's a compliment to my friend when I tell her that she always looks so nice and put-together.

The remarks I love (not) are the people who come to my house and say things like:

"Your house is so clean, you obviously do not have kids" and then they go on and on about how one can have a clean house or kids, but not both and how they never have time to even wash dishes or vacuum.  I'd think if I had kids, I'd want to make sure the house was ESPECIALLY clean because kids (little ones, especially) spend so much time on the floor and putting things in their mouths.  I get that there will be toys on the floor and such, but having kids is no reason to let dirty dishes pile in the sink and dirt to accumulate.  Of course, part of this is my annoyance at how it seems to be assumed that because I don't have kids I have more than 24 hours in a day, which is another thread entirely.

The best one, though, was my ex's stepmother.  The woman NEVER cleaned her house, and anytime she'd come to visit, she'd remark how I must have some type of obsessive-compulsive disorder because the house was so clean.  When we'd go to visit her, she'd have to move piles of laundry from the furniture to make room for us to sit (and it wasn't a guarantee that said laundry was actually CLEAN laundry waiting to be folded.)  There was clutter and garbage everywhere, the kitchen table was always piled high with dirty dishes, leftover food, and all kinds of carp, and the house smelled BAD.  Her excuse?  She and ex's father were both out of work and they just didn't have the money to clean.

HUH???  It costs money to fold laundry or put it in a hamper???  It costs money to pick up garbage and clutter???? It costs money to run a dustrag around the house and straighten the sofa cushions???  Who knew???  ??? ??? ???

Eden

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #19 on: September 13, 2013, 10:03:32 AM »
I usually just sort of wave my hand dismissively like, "Oh don't be silly."

I do the same thing with those in my life who are the opposite. I know several people whose homes are clean from a hygiene standpoint, but messy. I, and in particular my sister, keep pretty tidy homes. I get the impression that those who know that about us seem to think we expect exactly the same from others. On the contrary. Everyone spends their time in different ways.

Regardless the motivation behind the comments, I try to make clear I really don't care without giving too much attention to the comments.

spookycatlady

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2013, 10:24:14 AM »
Keep performing the script and don't read anything into what she says when she comes over.

I'm untidy by nature (that should be the name of my next imaginary band).  My husband has OCD.  In order to help manage his stress, I try to keep my clutter contained to my studio space.  Because the messiness is contained and therefore unseen, we get compliments on how clean our house is all the time.  But because I've started to see through his eyes from empathy to his disorder,  I see dirty baseboards, messy stacks of paper, an un-rinsed coffee cup in other people's homes. I might see it, but I can't and won't judge anyone for it. 


MOM21SON

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #21 on: September 13, 2013, 05:26:41 PM »

SlitherHiss

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #22 on: September 13, 2013, 06:03:37 PM »
Is that you, Mom?

That was my thought, too.

What do you mean?

They mean that the comments your friend is making reminds them of their own mothers/upbringing.

NyaChan

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #23 on: September 13, 2013, 06:28:37 PM »
Almost every one of my friends say this, and with the exception of one friend who is brutally honest, not once have their apartments actually been dirty.  I do it too and I think we just say it out of habit as a CYA sort of thing - that way if something got missed, the visitor is forewarned and not shocked.

As for responses, a simple "No worries" or "Oh it looks fine to me" works.

MOM21SON

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #24 on: September 13, 2013, 06:50:03 PM »
Is that you, Mom?

That was my thought, too.

What do you mean?

They mean that the comments your friend is making reminds them of their own mothers/upbringing.

LOL, thank you!  I must need a nap!

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #25 on: September 13, 2013, 08:09:54 PM »
It's just part of her script. Your answers are fine. I wouldn't overthink this at all.

This is my take as well.  She probably says it as her standard greeting: "Hi, how are you?  Please excuse my mess."
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy

TootsNYC

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #26 on: September 13, 2013, 08:22:38 PM »
Almost every one of my friends say this, and with the exception of one friend who is brutally honest, not once have their apartments actually been dirty.  I do it too and I think we just say it out of habit as a CYA sort of thing - that way if something got missed, the visitor is forewarned and not shocked.


actually, what happens is that the visitor is alerted, and NOW they will notice stuff they didn't before.

Best not to say anything, if you actually do have the teeniest bit of a mess. Unless it's horrendous, most people don't notice. Or they'll forgive you. But if you mention it, that means you KNOW it's messy, and subliminally I think it's harder to forgive.

CakeEater

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #27 on: September 14, 2013, 02:22:46 AM »
I think a simple "thank you" would be plenty and comments like "oh, don't mind the mess" are just self-effacing remarks.  But then, I am kind of a clean freak and I take pride in how my home looks so a "your house is so clean" would be a compliment to me the same as it's a compliment to my friend when I tell her that she always looks so nice and put-together.

The remarks I love (not) are the people who come to my house and say things like:

"Your house is so clean, you obviously do not have kids" and then they go on and on about how one can have a clean house or kids, but not both and how they never have time to even wash dishes or vacuum.  I'd think if I had kids, I'd want to make sure the house was ESPECIALLY clean because kids (little ones, especially) spend so much time on the floor and putting things in their mouths.  I get that there will be toys on the floor and such, but having kids is no reason to let dirty dishes pile in the sink and dirt to accumulate.  Of course, part of this is my annoyance at how it seems to be assumed that because I don't have kids I have more than 24 hours in a day, which is another thread entirely.

The best one, though, was my ex's stepmother.  The woman NEVER cleaned her house, and anytime she'd come to visit, she'd remark how I must have some type of obsessive-compulsive disorder because the house was so clean.  When we'd go to visit her, she'd have to move piles of laundry from the furniture to make room for us to sit (and it wasn't a guarantee that said laundry was actually CLEAN laundry waiting to be folded.)  There was clutter and garbage everywhere, the kitchen table was always piled high with dirty dishes, leftover food, and all kinds of carp, and the house smelled BAD.  Her excuse?  She and ex's father were both out of work and they just didn't have the money to clean.

HUH???  It costs money to fold laundry or put it in a hamper???  It costs money to pick up garbage and clutter???? It costs money to run a dustrag around the house and straighten the sofa cushions???  Who knew???  ??? ??? ???

Dirt from the floor is what builds good immune systems!  ;)

Maybe self-confessed clean freaks can keep their houses spotless with kids, but I am definitely not one of those and I struggle. It's not just about not having time, it's about being exhausted when you do get spare time and struggling to find motivation to spend that time cleaning.

Honestly, if I spent the amount of time cleaning before I had kids that I do now, I'd have had some kind of show-home. Kids create mess at twice the speed that I can clean it, anyway.

As a self-confessed messy person, I can't stand that w/hole routine. Sorry about the mess. I usually go with, 'Yes, it's an absolute pig sty - I don't know how you live in it'.

Raintree

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #28 on: September 14, 2013, 05:13:00 AM »
I keep my place a medium amount of messiness, ie not spotless but not horrible either. If someone's coming over informally, I try to clean up a bit. I'm not worried about "germs" except when it comes to toilets and cleaning up pet messes...I wash my hands afterwards and keep that stuff clear of food preparation areas, avoiding cross-contamination etc.

But I do hate the "oh you must not have KIDS!" refrain, whether it pertains to house-cleaning, ability to go to restaurants, amount of sleep per night, or whatever. Comes across as as little holier-than-thou.

Foureyesonemouth

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Re: A spotless home.
« Reply #29 on: September 14, 2013, 02:37:44 PM »
I was thinking the same thing...she is fishing for compliments.

I don't know. I have a good friend whose house looks neat to me but she sometimes feels that it's out of whack.

I think it's just a matter of perspective on what clean is. My idea of clean and my grandmother's idea of tidy are close but I'm willing to let things be a bit more untidy.

OP, are these planned visits or are you just stopping by for a minute?