Author Topic: Germophobia vs Etiquette  (Read 28411 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: Germophobia vs Etiquette
« Reply #285 on: September 17, 2013, 06:57:23 PM »
I think you are taking this WAY too personally.


Teenyweeny

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Re: Germophobia vs Etiquette
« Reply #286 on: September 17, 2013, 06:58:48 PM »
But refusing to shake hands just isn't normal.  You may have reasons, but your behaviour is still outside of western societal norms. Therefore the onus is on you to mitigate the other person's surprise at their handshake being refused.

Like, I might decide to sing all the time instead of talking if I had  a severe stutter. People would definitely need an explanation of that behaviour,  because it deviates from the norm and affects normal social interactions. The behaviour would have a legitimate explanation,  but it still wouldn't be normal.



perpetua

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Re: Germophobia vs Etiquette
« Reply #287 on: September 17, 2013, 06:59:44 PM »
Why is it abnormal not to shake hands?  On this board we tell people they don't have to hug others, or kiss because it makes people uncomfortable.  So, is that abnormal to not want that ?  I am uncomfortable with shaking hands for my own reasons and I am not abnormal, it is just a boundary thing for me.  I think calling people out for not wanting to touch people or be touched in what some think as a normal thing and saying we are abnormal, but saying to others who ask "No, you don't have to let people hug you or kiss you" is a double standard.  Touching is touching no matter how it is done and some people have a bigger personal space bubble than others.

*inviteseller - would she smile and wave at a job interview when the interviewer holds out his/her hand? How would that go over if she did?
No, it's not, I don't think.
Shaking hands is a very different thing from hugging or kissing. The handshake is the most formal of touches.

OK, fine, you don't like it, it bothers you somehow. But please don't act as though the rest of us are the ones with the problem. It is our culture's expectation that a handshake is polite and will be returned.
   If you want to deviate from that norm, you will need to make some level of explanation, or the rest of us are going to see you (the outlier, the "not the norm," yes the abnormal, bcs that's what the word means) as rude or standoffish.


I am not acting as if anyone has a problem..but I have had my personal boundaries called abnormal and borderline mentally ill.  I have never been rude about it, I am actually beyond polite and make it my issue.  I have never had anyone get mad at me for it.  If you want to shake hands, that's fine, you want to hug that's fine, you want to kiss, that's fine because that is your norm.  My norm is not to do those things and I do not consider what one personally feels about being touched abnormal.  It only seems abnormal because these types of greetings have been around for a very long time and many people do them.  But I have met others, that for a variety of reasons do not shake hands, and it just seems weird that non hand shakers are seen as rude or abnormal.  It is rude to just stare at an outstretched hand, I completely agree, but it is also rude to get mad at someone who graciously declines a handshake no matter what.  My older DD has touching issues (that are not mental health related) so she just smiles and waves and if someone called her out on it, they would be the rude one not her.

cass2591

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Re: Germophobia vs Etiquette
« Reply #288 on: September 17, 2013, 07:14:56 PM »
I think we're done here. Way too much hyperbole and rudeness.
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