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  • December 13, 2017, 01:17:05 PM

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Author Topic: Showers and gift etiquette LONGish  (Read 6642 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: Showers and gift etiquette LONGish
« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2013, 07:14:45 PM »

I have never known a gift of cash to be considered rude. 


I have. But never by anyone who was crass enough to complain about it to the giver.

There are people who think that a cash gift shows no thought or personal consideration--after all, "it's the thought that counts," so a gift that indicates you didn't put any thought into it hurts their feelings. And they would say that it feels like "paying a bill."

I'll confess I would almost always receive things than money. But of course, I would never reject a gift! Yikes!

Carotte

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Re: Showers and gift etiquette LONGish
« Reply #16 on: September 13, 2013, 07:27:41 PM »
I was going to say that maybe she saw your gift of cash as a "I know you can't make it whitout my charity, here, have some cash", like an insult to her 'independence', she doesn't need your or the government's help because she's not one of 'those people'.
But she goes and try for a third self-thrown shower? It gets a bit convoluted, and you get "I don't need your charity (of cash gift, how dare you!), but do go and buy me lots of gift, those are ok of course."

Did she had a history of being that friend that doesn't want you to lend/give her the money for a fast-food meal (because she's short/doesn't have money) but will gladly mooch on half your burger/fries without asking?

All I know is, she doesn't make sense, was rude, and you were not, don't worry.

Thipu1

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Re: Showers and gift etiquette LONGish
« Reply #17 on: September 14, 2013, 07:59:10 AM »
In the situation as presented, the OP was invited to a Sunday shower on Saturday evening.  Given the traditions of the town, there was no way for the OP to buy an appropriate gift. 

What else was she to do? 

cicero

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Re: Showers and gift etiquette LONGish
« Reply #18 on: September 14, 2013, 08:46:57 AM »
Your 'friend' was extremely rude. All she had to do was say 'thank you' and move on to the next gift. Even if there * is* somewhere, in some culture/religion, a taboo on giving monetary gifts ( that I am unaware of) she could have acted with a bit more class and finesse. She reminded me of a five year old who gets over stimulated at a birthday party and gets s bit dramatic about the gifts they receive

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cabbagegirl28

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Re: Showers and gift etiquette LONGish
« Reply #19 on: September 14, 2013, 06:23:29 PM »
I can't help but wonder what was the reason to her objection to the cash?  The only one I can come up with is that it could seem impersonal, but I wouldn't think twice about giving (or receiving) cash for a shower gift no matter how much notice was given to the gift-giver.

Or maybe she was thinking that it was rude to ask for cash and therefore rude to accept it? 

who knows.  No matter what, OP, you did nothing wrong here.

Not the OP, but I've heard that giving cash gifts (including gift cards) is"lazy", and (general) you are supposed to put more thought into a gift than that.

Now, I personally am grateful for most gifts I get, unless someone bought me something I'm allergic to and they knew for a fact I was allergic to it. OP, I'm sorry that someone treated you that way.




Vita brevis, ars longa

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Showers and gift etiquette LONGish
« Reply #20 on: September 15, 2013, 12:51:07 AM »
OP here. Thanks everyone for your replies.
I have always wondered about that day (especially as none of the other guests said anything/expressed sympathy). I'm glad to know that I didn't do anything wrong. To this day, I am unsure why she didn't want cash (she definitely needed it) but figure she just wanted to cause drama/make a scene.
Looking back, I am sure her shower was a relatively unplanned occasion - no formal invitations just verbal and no gift registry. I know she organised a shower for her second child as well and has very recently been posting informal invitations ('for anyone interested') on Facebook for a shower for her up-coming third child. You can probably gather what kind of person she is and why we are mere acquaintances now.

I think you've answered your own question. She was an insecure person who wanted to make YOU feel bad and stupid.

You did absolutely nothing wrong, and your former friend was rude and boorish.

Girlie

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Re: Showers and gift etiquette LONGish
« Reply #21 on: September 17, 2013, 01:09:20 PM »
Wow. A story about someone saying NO to money. I am surprised.

That being said, OP, it sound like your intentions were good and your behavior lovely. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving cash as a gift - it is probably the most practical for a baby shower, right after diapers, IMHO. And there are so many options with cash, too - start a savings account, buy supplies, pay the hospital bill.
Your ex-friend was definitely the rude one here.

saladfingers

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Re: Showers and gift etiquette LONGish
« Reply #22 on: September 17, 2013, 03:07:15 PM »
It took this post to finally get me to post something on thiss forum. I signed up months ago but never felt the need to comment. There's something about this situation that got to me.

I suppose it's the part where you come to her baby shower and bring her something and then she humiliated you instead. I think you handled it better than I would have. I feel bad  that you could possibly think that you did anything wrong.

In the heat of the moment I do not know what I would do. Sitting here and reading the story, all I could think of was that I would probably take the money back and leave.

There truly is no excuse for that kind of behavior. If you had given her a toothbrush, she should have accepted it graciously and moved on. Your intentions were good. Considering you were invited last minute and informally, I would also say she is lucky she got anything from you.

You are lucky you got rid of her early, as you no doubt would have probably encountered more over the years.

aussie_chick

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Re: Showers and gift etiquette LONGish
« Reply #23 on: September 18, 2013, 12:54:35 AM »
It took this post to finally get me to post something on thiss forum. I signed up months ago but never felt the need to comment. There's something about this situation that got to me.

I suppose it's the part where you come to her baby shower and bring her something and then she humiliated you instead. I think you handled it better than I would have. I feel bad  that you could possibly think that you did anything wrong.

In the heat of the moment I do not know what I would do. Sitting here and reading the story, all I could think of was that I would probably take the money back and leave.

There truly is no excuse for that kind of behavior. If you had given her a toothbrush, she should have accepted it graciously and moved on. Your intentions were good. Considering you were invited last minute and informally, I would also say she is lucky she got anything from you.

You are lucky you got rid of her early, as you no doubt would have probably encountered more over the years.

Welcome!
And POD to this completely!