Author Topic: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?  (Read 6390 times)

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LadyL

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How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« on: September 15, 2013, 12:11:24 PM »
I have a friend who wears very heavy makeup on a daily basis. She has dark, drawn on eyebrows, very large false lashes (think drag queen/vegas), heavy thick pink blush, and she lines her lips outside her natural lip line and then wears bright lipstick. The effect is very...theatrical. The first time I met her, my first thought was "kabuki theater." Her hair and clothing are always subdued by comparison.

I am a very visual, detail oriented person and I have trouble not staring at her makeup when I talk to her. Yesterday I was noticing that in direct light you could see the texture of her eyelash glue on her upper lids. I know it is rude to stare, but I'm not sure where the line is between making appropriate eye contact during conversation vs. staring at someone's unusual eye makeup. I don't want to be rude, but I can't not look at her face, and looking at her face means I will probably get distracted by something like how her blush creates such a geometrical line on her face or whatever.

On the other hand, I have worn heavy theatrical makeup (for night clubs or costume parties though, not at 11 AM) and I didn't mind if people looked at and noticed it. A comment like "I was just noticing your rhinestone eyelashes" to explain someone staring at me a bit oddly would have been fine. But since this friend wears this same makeup every day, if I took this approach, I would quickly run out of comments like "that's a pretty shade of lipstick" or whathaveyou to explain my staring.

Any suggestions?

Teenyweeny

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2013, 12:23:08 PM »
There's a tip for people who have trouble looking people in the eyes which, ironically,  may help here. Find a spot around her eyes (like the bridge of her nose) and focus on that instead.  Eventually,  you'll probably get used to her makeup,  and this will be less of a problem.



Pen^2

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #2 on: September 15, 2013, 12:26:35 PM »
I do something similar to what Teenyweeny suggested. I'll stare at the point directly between the eyes, and then change to the outer corner of the left eye, then the middle again, then the outer corner of the right eye, etc.

Having somewhere you've decided to look at makes it easier to keep your eyes from wandering. And have a few spots to cycle between so you don't end up staring too hard at the chosen spot anyway. It's natural for the eyes to move a little.

Eventually, you'll get used to it. The area in your brain taken up by "what X is like as a person" will outgrow the area taken up by "what X looks like" as you get to know her more and more.

menley

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2013, 12:29:06 PM »
I'm curious what you would do if, instead of a severe makeup issue, she had a severe physical deformity on her face. I imagine the way you would act in response to that would be similar here. Don't call attention to it, and treat her like any other person.

FOSTER

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2013, 12:55:01 PM »
LadyL, don't you dress in vintage costume frequently? I guess use the same technique you'd want others to use to not stare at you.

jmarvellous

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2013, 12:57:45 PM »
To avoid staring rudely, avoid staring. I'm not sure what to say except if you notice you've been looking at something, stop looking at it, because you've probably been looking too long.

Goosey

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2013, 01:09:07 PM »
So, you're looking for ways to save face after having been caught staring? I think you need to practice not staring. So many people have such diverse fashion ideas, I'm not sure how rhinestone eyelashes really stick out all that much in the grand scheme of things.

White Lotus

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #7 on: September 15, 2013, 01:20:41 PM »
What Teenyweeny and Pen^2 said.  This system works to avoid staring at anything until you get to "Robin just comes with eyebrow, nose and lip rings" and the difference just becomes "what this person looks like." 

delabela

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #8 on: September 15, 2013, 01:29:12 PM »
Is it rude to stare when someone intentionally creates a look that is far out of what someone would expect to encounter?  I don't mean looking at someone with a nasty expression on your face, but just taking in a whole look. 

LadyL

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #9 on: September 15, 2013, 01:32:23 PM »
There's a tip for people who have trouble looking people in the eyes which, ironically,  may help here. Find a spot around her eyes (like the bridge of her nose) and focus on that instead.  Eventually,  you'll probably get used to her makeup,  and this will be less of a problem.

This is exactly the kind of strategy I need, thanks!

Goosey

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #10 on: September 15, 2013, 01:53:14 PM »
Is it rude to stare when someone intentionally creates a look that is far out of what someone would expect to encounter?  I don't mean looking at someone with a nasty expression on your face, but just taking in a whole look.
I think it's rude to do so repeatedly. I mean if you seen her with rhinestone eyelashes once how many times do you need to see her with them To stop staring about it. And I don't think you really need to stare at somebody to get the gist of their outfit. Especially if what is wild and crazy about them is the make up on the face

Allyson

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #11 on: September 15, 2013, 02:04:34 PM »
Does she have a Facebook or a place with lots of pictures? If you look at lots of pictures of her with that 'look' in different situations, it might help you get used to that being 'her face' and easier to take in.

Of course if you get very used to it you'll probably do a double-take if she changes her style. :D

TootsNYC

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #12 on: September 15, 2013, 02:06:10 PM »
I do something similar to what Teenyweeny suggested. I'll stare at the point directly between the eyes, and then change to the outer corner of the left eye, then the middle again, then the outer corner of the right eye, etc.

Having somewhere you've decided to look at makes it easier to keep your eyes from wandering. And have a few spots to cycle between so you don't end up staring too hard at the chosen spot anyway. It's natural for the eyes to move a little.

Eventually, you'll get used to it. The area in your brain taken up by "what X is like as a person" will outgrow the area taken up by "what X looks like" as you get to know her more and more.

This is really useful for lots of situations--when your kid has a lot of zits, or your coworker has a scar, etc.

Great advice! Thanks!

Tabby Uprising

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #13 on: September 15, 2013, 02:08:23 PM »
Is it rude to stare when someone intentionally creates a look that is far out of what someone would expect to encounter?  I don't mean looking at someone with a nasty expression on your face, but just taking in a whole look.
I think it's rude to do so repeatedly. I mean if you seen her with rhinestone eyelashes once how many times do you need to see her with them To stop staring about it. And I don't think you really need to stare at somebody to get the gist of their outfit. Especially if what is wild and crazy about them is the make up on the face

I agree with Goosey.  I admit though, I'm not a detail oriented person.  If I see a guy walking down the street wearing hot pants and rhinestone antlers my brain will take it in, say "Yup, that's different!", but I don't need to fixate on the image. I don't need to know how many rhinestones adorn the antlers or try to ascertain if the hot pants are x or y inches above the knee.  It's not as though staring at the guy is going to change anything.  He's not going to magically alter his appearance.  He'll still be in hot pants and rhinestone antlers.  If I need to revisit the image it's burned into my mind for the time being so I can look internally and not stare at him.

Same thing like when I saw a man covered head to toe in tattoos with a large yellow snake around his neck.  Okay.  That's different.  But why stare?  I don't need to see each and every tattoo or note the color of the snake's eyes for any reason.  That doesn't change anything.  You can see it, acknowledge it's off the beaten path, and move on.

It reminds me of a little ditty from a tv show my toddler loves to watch, "That was fun, but now it's done."  ;D

Sharnita

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Re: How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?
« Reply #14 on: September 15, 2013, 05:32:50 PM »
I think the thing with vintage costume is the look is intentional and the intent is for people to look. It sounds like this friend might not be aware of the "look" she has.achieved?