How to avoid staring rudely at extreme makeup?

[delabela]

I think the thing with vintage costume is the look is intentional and the intent is for people to look. It sounds like this friend might not be aware of the "look" she has.achieved?

This is kind of a long the lines I was thinking - if someone has gone through the trouble to create a look that is remarkably outside the norm, isn't the point kind of to have people look/admire?  Unless they are not aware their look is so unusual for some reason?

[LadyL]

I think the thing with vintage costume is the look is intentional and the intent is for people to look. It sounds like this friend might not be aware of the "look" she has.achieved?

This is kind of a long the lines I was thinking - if someone has gone through the trouble to create a look that is remarkably outside the norm, isn't the point kind of to have people look/admire? Unless they are not aware their look is so unusual for some reason?

Personally I don't dress with other people looking at me in mind. There are days I drive to the lab, enter the building without seeing anyone, work alone all day, leave without seeing anyone, drive home and put on PJs when I get in - and I dress exactly the same as I would for a day when thousands of people might see me. It might be a vintage dress or a modern spin on vintage like this: http://www.eshakti.com/Product/CL0028412/Flying-hummingbirds-poplin-dress. I wouldn't say my day to day style is as ostentatious as wearing showgirl level makeup but maybe to someone else it is.

I know some people don't understand or believe that people dress outside the norm for themselves and not others but in my case it's true. Of course, I don't mind positive feedback (who does?) but I actually dislike being stared at, though I accept it as a natural byproduct of wearing some of my more colorful outfits. 

[Yvaine]

I think the thing with vintage costume is the look is intentional and the intent is for people to look. It sounds like this friend might not be aware of the "look" she has.achieved?

This is kind of a long the lines I was thinking - if someone has gone through the trouble to create a look that is remarkably outside the norm, isn't the point kind of to have people look/admire? Unless they are not aware their look is so unusual for some reason?

Personally I don't dress with other people looking at me in mind. There are days I drive to the lab, enter the building without seeing anyone, work alone all day, leave without seeing anyone, drive home and put on PJs when I get in - and I dress exactly the same as I would for a day when thousands of people might see me. It might be a vintage dress or a modern spin on vintage like this: http://www.eshakti.com/Product/CL0028412/Flying-hummingbirds-poplin-dress. I wouldn't say my day to day style is as ostentatious as wearing showgirl level makeup but maybe to someone else it is.

I know some people don't understand or believe that people dress outside the norm for themselves and not others but in my case it's true. Of course, I don't mind positive feedback (who does?) but I actually dislike being stared at, though I accept it as a natural byproduct of wearing some of my more colorful outfits.

Then I guess the trick might be to assume your friend does her makeup to suit herself too, and doesn't want to be stared at either.

[Surianne]

Then I guess the trick might be to assume your friend does her makeup to suit herself too, and doesn't want to be stared at either.

I agree.  I think if you like her makeup, it would be fine to say occasionally, "Oops, sorry I was staring for a moment there -- I love your eyes, I'm curious how you did X feature" as it would be a normal thing to mention in conversation.  But it sounds as though you (OP) don't like her look, in which case I think all you can do is train yourself not to stare.  Remind yourself that you wouldn't like being stared at, and make a point of stopping it.  I like the advice upthread to focus on something else near her eyes if you have trouble looking at her eyes.

[Zilla]

Desensitize yourself and look at several photos and study their makeup?


Plus don't you normally look at people in the their eyes while conversing?  This is quite an interesting topic, first time for me!

[ladyknight1]

Desensitize yourself and look at several photos and study their makeup?


Plus don't you normally look at people in the their eyes while conversing?  This is quite an interesting topic, first time for me!

POD to the bolded.

How do you have a face to face conversation with someone without looking at them? For those who mentioned it is rude to stare, when does the line cross between normal conversational eye contact to staring?

[SlitherHiss]

Desensitize yourself and look at several photos and study their makeup?


Plus don't you normally look at people in the their eyes while conversing?  This is quite an interesting topic, first time for me!

POD to the bolded.

How do you have a face to face conversation with someone without looking at them? For those who mentioned it is rude to stare, when does the line cross between normal conversational eye contact to staring?

When engaged in conversation, you're supposed to look the person in the eyes, not stare at their eyeballs. There's a difference. When I "look someone in the eyes", it's not a single, prolonged contact. I'm taking in their entire expression with special attention paid to the eyes, and I'll blink with regularity. If I'm actively staring at something, be it eyebrows, eyelashes or lips, my eyes might have a "fixed" look.

[Yvaine]

Desensitize yourself and look at several photos and study their makeup?


Plus don't you normally look at people in the their eyes while conversing?  This is quite an interesting topic, first time for me!

POD to the bolded.

How do you have a face to face conversation with someone without looking at them? For those who mentioned it is rude to stare, when does the line cross between normal conversational eye contact to staring?

When engaged in conversation, you're supposed to look the person in the eyes, not stare at their eyeballs. There's a difference. When I "look someone in the eyes", it's not a single, prolonged contact. I'm taking in their entire expression with special attention paid to the eyes, and I'll blink with regularity. If I'm actively staring at something, be it eyebrows, eyelashes or lips, my eyes might have a "fixed" look.

Yeah, and I picture the eyes open extra wide and eyebrows raised, as if in surprise or shock. And less blinking than is usual for that person.

[Goosey]

You know you are staring if:

• Your eyes remain fixed on that person when they look away.
• It would be awkward if the person made eye contact with you while you are looking at them.
• You need stock phrases and excuses for being caught looking instead of just being able to smile and continue the conversation.

[Lynn2000]

Interesting thread, I like the advice about looking in certain places, like the bridge of the nose or the corner of one eye. Sometimes I get, I don't know, almost mesmerized by things--like if a friend is wearing a sparkly necklace I have trouble not looking at it when we're sitting across from each other at lunch. One thing that works for me is acknowledging the thing I'm staring at in conversation, then moving on--like, "Oh, your necklace is so pretty, I just keep looking at it." Then I make a concerted effort to not be drawn back in by it.

Other times, I must admit, my eye is drawn by something that seems weird or ugly to me, especially if the conversation is kind of dull. Like, sitting in my boss's office, listening to one of her monologues, becoming more and more convinced that the thing on her shoulder is a small bug... At which point, I try to either more actively engage in the "conversation," or maybe even say, "Sorry, can I interrupt for second, what's that thing on your shoulder? Oh, I thought it was a bug."

So my strategy is basically to realize I'm staring, and then force myself to look elsewhere, possibly with acknowledgement of what had gained my attention, because that seems to help break its hold on me. You know, as long as it's not something like, "Sorry, I was mesmerized by your cleavage."

[BeagleMommy]

I've used this trick since doing high school theater.  Instead of looking directly at the person, slightly tip your head upward (very slightly).  It will give the illusion that you're looking at them when you are actually looking at the top of their head.  It was how I kept from getting "stage jitters".

[Biker Granny]

I have a standard reply when caught staring that actually came about when it was the truth.

I was deep in thought about something and to me....I wasn't looking or staring at anything or anyone.  When a man waved at me with a look on his face of "what the heck?!?!?!?" I realized that it did indeed look like I was staring at him.
I apologized and explained that I was thinking about something else and I understood why he thought I was staring.

Sooooooo....this explaination has come in handy the few times I DID get caught staring.
 

I do like looking at other people's eye make-up and will tend to study it.  I'd like to think I'm covert about it.  If caught on that one I'll fess us and usually have a nice coversation about it.

[Another Sarah]

This made me think of a TV show we have in the UK where the concept is essentially people who wear too much makeup can get make-unders (weirdly it's hosted by a CG robot). Terrible TV but there's a lot of fun in it and it's not taken too seriously, you often get cosplay girls going on to trade insults with the make-under machine. The oddest thing is, quite often the girls that do get make-unders only come out looking better about half the time, and most of them go at least partway back to their old look.
I think your friend probably knows her makeup is unusual and a *small* reaction won't bother her too much - as you said yourself:

I know some people don't understand or believe that people dress outside the norm for themselves and not others but in my case it's true. Of course, I don't mind positive feedback (who does?) but I actually dislike being stared at, though I accept it as a natural byproduct of wearing some of my more colorful outfits.

Provided you're not gawking at her (and I'd follow the other posters' excellent advice for not doing so) I wouldn't worry too much.  And if she does catch you staring, you can use it to start a conversation about her makeup "I like the way you did X, how did you do it?" and she might volunteer some insight on her style, much in the way you did to Sharnita and Debalela.

[esposita]

Am I the only one picturing Jim and Dwight right now? When Jim kept staring just above Dwight as Dwight kept bobbing and weaving to get into Jim's line of sight? ;-)

[TeamBhakta]

I know what you mean. There is a grocery cashier in my area who has  super thick, rectangular, Sharpie drawn eyebrows + lipstick drawn so big her lip shape is grapefruit sized. She looks like a sad faced circus clown even when smiling; very jolting to see