Etiquette School is in session! > "What an interesting assumption."

Partner used it!

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Ok, she really did just think her co-worker had made a very ineresting assumption and we've been giggling about it all weekend.

So Partner and I are engaged. We're both rocking engagement rings. Now Partner happens to work around a lot of men and well...they don't tend to notice subtle changes, like a ring on the left hand (she always wore one on her right, so they thought nothing of it), right away. Well last week one of them noticed a ring on her hand and commented on it "Partner, that's a nice ring, are you engaged?", to which Partner responded "Yes, I got engaged to Glitter (they all know me) over labor day weekend". He says his congratulations and then goes "Huh, I would've figured Glitter would be the one with the engagement ring", she responds that I have one as well.

At this point co-worker is very confused looking and says "You're both wearing engagement rings? I assumed it'd just be one or the other, like ya know...the more uh...girly...of the two...I just didn't think both of you would wear...uh...engagement", at which point partner busts out "Really? Hm, that's interesting assumption. I've known couples to do all kinds of different things", and which point co-worker says "Yeah, I guess you're right. Well congratulations!", then the talked about if donuts were still left in the conference room.

I've never actually seen someone be surprised BOTH women are rocking engagement rings. My best friend (female) got married to a fella who wanted to wear an engagement ring, which raised a lot of eyebrows. He said he wanted it because he made a commitment to her and wanted to show the world (aw, sweet). We also have a pair of lesbian friends (already married) who only one wore an engagement ring, and people raised eyebrows.

We were giggling over how flustered he got realizing that he was implying one of us was the "man" and one of us the "woman", and then expecting us to conform to gender norms. How he arrived to the conclusion I'm the girly one I'm not sure. I do wear more purple and pink and of course glitter then she does, so maybe that's it. I was just excited she used the phrase!

gramma dishes:
 ;D  Now you have me wondering what the appropriate phrase here really is -- according to the strict rules of etiquette.  The general belief is that you congratulate the "man" and say something more like "Oh!  That's wonderful!" to the woman. 

So in this case I guess since neither of you is the groom, we should just stick with "That's wonderful!", but can we also add "Congratulations!"?   :)

You're in the best position to educate the rest of us on what really is the appropriate way to express our joy and happiness for both of you and let you know we consider your engagement to be in the 'best news' type category. 

ETA:  I think it's awesome that both of you have engagement rings!

I say congratulations to both men and women when they get engaged. Ok, in all honestly I probably something like "CRUD MONKEYS!! That's so awesome!!", we've been getting a lot of "Finally! It's about time!", because we've been together for 5 years. I know if someone I'm not particularly close to, I stick with "congratulations" or "I'm so happy for you".

Honestly, as long as it's positive, I'm good with it. I think I remember on the Gilmore Girls, Emily saying something about how you say congratulations to groom, you give best wishes to the bride. Or something like that, after Luke had told her congratulations when she and Richard were going to be renewing their vows after they separated (I was obsessed with that show). But other then hearing her say that, I've never thought much of it.

gramma dishes:
Oh!  Well okay then!

CRUD MONKEYS, Glitter!!  That's so awesome that you and Partner are finally engaged!  Congratulations to both of you!!   ;D

Congratulations to you and your partner, Glitter.  May you have many happy years together.  Great use of the phrase even if she hadn't meant to use it!


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