Author Topic: Partner used it!  (Read 4799 times)

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GlitterIsMyDrug

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Partner used it!
« on: September 16, 2013, 12:04:04 PM »
Ok, she really did just think her co-worker had made a very ineresting assumption and we've been giggling about it all weekend.

So Partner and I are engaged. We're both rocking engagement rings. Now Partner happens to work around a lot of men and well...they don't tend to notice subtle changes, like a ring on the left hand (she always wore one on her right, so they thought nothing of it), right away. Well last week one of them noticed a ring on her hand and commented on it "Partner, that's a nice ring, are you engaged?", to which Partner responded "Yes, I got engaged to Glitter (they all know me) over labor day weekend". He says his congratulations and then goes "Huh, I would've figured Glitter would be the one with the engagement ring", she responds that I have one as well.

At this point co-worker is very confused looking and says "You're both wearing engagement rings? I assumed it'd just be one or the other, like ya know...the more uh...girly...of the two...I just didn't think both of you would wear...uh...engagement rings...um..", at which point partner busts out "Really? Hm, that's interesting assumption. I've known couples to do all kinds of different things", and which point co-worker says "Yeah, I guess you're right. Well congratulations!", then the talked about if donuts were still left in the conference room.

I've never actually seen someone be surprised BOTH women are rocking engagement rings. My best friend (female) got married to a fella who wanted to wear an engagement ring, which raised a lot of eyebrows. He said he wanted it because he made a commitment to her and wanted to show the world (aw, sweet). We also have a pair of lesbian friends (already married) who only one wore an engagement ring, and people raised eyebrows.

We were giggling over how flustered he got realizing that he was implying one of us was the "man" and one of us the "woman", and then expecting us to conform to gender norms. How he arrived to the conclusion I'm the girly one I'm not sure. I do wear more purple and pink and of course glitter then she does, so maybe that's it. I was just excited she used the phrase!

gramma dishes

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2013, 12:28:37 PM »
 ;D  Now you have me wondering what the appropriate phrase here really is -- according to the strict rules of etiquette.  The general belief is that you congratulate the "man" and say something more like "Oh!  That's wonderful!" to the woman. 

So in this case I guess since neither of you is the groom, we should just stick with "That's wonderful!", but can we also add "Congratulations!"?   :)

You're in the best position to educate the rest of us on what really is the appropriate way to express our joy and happiness for both of you and let you know we consider your engagement to be in the 'best news' type category. 


ETA:  I think it's awesome that both of you have engagement rings!
« Last Edit: September 16, 2013, 12:30:15 PM by gramma dishes »

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2013, 12:42:49 PM »
I say congratulations to both men and women when they get engaged. Ok, in all honestly I probably something like "CRUD MONKEYS!! That's so awesome!!", we've been getting a lot of "Finally! It's about time!", because we've been together for 5 years. I know if someone I'm not particularly close to, I stick with "congratulations" or "I'm so happy for you".

Honestly, as long as it's positive, I'm good with it. I think I remember on the Gilmore Girls, Emily saying something about how you say congratulations to groom, you give best wishes to the bride. Or something like that, after Luke had told her congratulations when she and Richard were going to be renewing their vows after they separated (I was obsessed with that show). But other then hearing her say that, I've never thought much of it.

gramma dishes

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2013, 12:50:24 PM »
Oh!  Well okay then!

CRUD MONKEYS, Glitter!!  That's so awesome that you and Partner are finally engaged!  Congratulations to both of you!!   ;D

BeagleMommy

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2013, 02:53:08 PM »
Congratulations to you and your partner, Glitter.  May you have many happy years together.  Great use of the phrase even if she hadn't meant to use it!

Pen^2

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2013, 03:15:12 PM »
Congratulations! And what a fantastic use of the phrase! Being accidental makes it even better!

Also, I thought the glitter thing was just a random username you chose. But now I have a mental image where you're a kind of sugar-plum fairy with sparkles and twinkles, sprinkling glitter everywhere as you type :P

poundcake

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #6 on: September 17, 2013, 06:21:33 AM »
Congratulations to you both, and may you have many happy years ahead of you!


Quote
We were giggling over how flustered he got realizing that he was implying one of us was the "man" and one of us the "woman", and then expecting us to conform to gender norms. How he arrived to the conclusion I'm the girly one I'm not sure. I do wear more purple and pink and of course glitter then she does, so maybe that's it. I was just excited she used the phrase!

I must admit, this kind of assumption angers me so much I might use a non-eHell-approved response. I'm very glad you didn't let it get to you, and that your excitement and happiness wasn't displaced!

Ida

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2013, 11:17:04 AM »
Congratulations -- on making good use of a perfect teaching moment! This guy started out voicing an interesting assumption, and blundered his way to knowing more than he had before, right there in front of Partner. The world is now a slightly better place.
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Julian

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2013, 07:47:51 PM »
Congratulations to you both, and may you have many happy years ahead of you!


Quote
We were giggling over how flustered he got realizing that he was implying one of us was the "man" and one of us the "woman", and then expecting us to conform to gender norms. How he arrived to the conclusion I'm the girly one I'm not sure. I do wear more purple and pink and of course glitter then she does, so maybe that's it. I was just excited she used the phrase!

I must admit, this kind of assumption angers me so much I might use a non-eHell-approved response. I'm very glad you didn't let it get to you, and that your excitement and happiness wasn't displaced!

POD to Poundcake.

Firstly, congratulations!!  We're still struggling here in Aus to get the right to marry.  I'm happy for you both, even if just a teensy bit envious!   ;)

I ran into this when I was still with ExGF.  It got old.  I eventually resorted to 'If I wanted her to be a 'man', I'd be with a man.'

Iris

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #9 on: September 17, 2013, 08:13:06 PM »
Congratulations to you both, and may you have many happy years ahead of you!


Quote
We were giggling over how flustered he got realizing that he was implying one of us was the "man" and one of us the "woman", and then expecting us to conform to gender norms. How he arrived to the conclusion I'm the girly one I'm not sure. I do wear more purple and pink and of course glitter then she does, so maybe that's it. I was just excited she used the phrase!

I must admit, this kind of assumption angers me so much I might use a non-eHell-approved response. I'm very glad you didn't let it get to you, and that your excitement and happiness wasn't displaced!

POD to Poundcake.

Firstly, congratulations!!  We're still struggling here in Aus to get the right to marry.  I'm happy for you both, even if just a teensy bit envious!   ;)

I ran into this when I was still with ExGF.  It got old.  I eventually resorted to 'If I wanted her to be a 'man', I'd be with a man.'

Heck, I AM with a man and I get annoyed with people expecting us to conform to gender norms:)

Congratulations, Glitter, I wish both of you the very best for the future.
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LEMon

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #10 on: October 03, 2013, 08:46:42 PM »
I like how he kind of worked through his thought process out loud.  The "interesting assumption" helped him see that he had made one and what it was.  I also like that it sounded like he wasn't defensive or 'this is the way it ought to be' about how rings are worn.  Seems like he learned something new, rather than stuck to the old ways.

Congratulations!

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #11 on: October 04, 2013, 06:45:17 PM »
Congratulations to you both, and may you have many happy years ahead of you!


Quote
We were giggling over how flustered he got realizing that he was implying one of us was the "man" and one of us the "woman", and then expecting us to conform to gender norms. How he arrived to the conclusion I'm the girly one I'm not sure. I do wear more purple and pink and of course glitter then she does, so maybe that's it. I was just excited she used the phrase!

I must admit, this kind of assumption angers me so much I might use a non-eHell-approved response. I'm very glad you didn't let it get to you, and that your excitement and happiness wasn't displaced!

POD to Poundcake.

Firstly, congratulations!!  We're still struggling here in Aus to get the right to marry.  I'm happy for you both, even if just a teensy bit envious!   ;)

I ran into this when I was still with ExGF.  It got old.  I eventually resorted to 'If I wanted her to be a 'man', I'd be with a man.'

Thanks! Our laws are so odd right now. You have to get married in a state that recognizes same sex marriage (ours doesn't) then you can kinda get some of the same laws federally. We think. It's like we did this big thing (repealed DOMA), but no one thought to find out what exactly that meant.

I actually saw this thing on-line of a comedian (who is a lesbian) talking about the "whose the man, whose the woman" question. She said "That's ridiculous, there is no man, or it wouldn't be a lesbian relationship. That's like asking a vegetarian which vegetable in the salad represents the pork chop" then she went on to explain what one means when one asks "whose the man", but well, it's a bit raunchy and involves talk of scrabble...um...accessories. But none the less, it is a very valid point.

I like to say "No one is the man. Our garbage hasn't been emptied in years, it's really becoming a problem".

Nikko-chan

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #12 on: October 04, 2013, 07:53:47 PM »
I have nothing to add except: Congratulations to Glitter and Glitter's Partner on your engagement! *raises a glass to toast the happy couple*

SoCalVal

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #13 on: October 05, 2013, 01:58:04 PM »
I actually saw this thing on-line of a comedian (who is a lesbian) talking about the "whose the man, whose the woman" question. She said "That's ridiculous, there is no man, or it wouldn't be a lesbian relationship. That's like asking a vegetarian which vegetable in the salad represents the pork chop" then she went on to explain what one means when one asks "whose the man", but well, it's a bit raunchy and involves talk of scrabble...um...accessories. But none the less, it is a very valid point.

I like to say "No one is the man. Our garbage hasn't been emptied in years, it's really becoming a problem".

Good for you and good analogy...and congratulations, of course!

People often blurt out stupid things without thinking (I know both DH and I have).  The good news is it sounds like CW learned from it.

Also, both DH and I wore engagement rings.  Being practicing Catholics, we had a traditional Catholic wedding but did many things that aren't traditional (including the fact that we started out with promise rings on our right hands that became engagement rings on our left hands when we got engaged).  Frankly, who cares?  DH also added my maiden name as his 2nd middle name.  My mother also walked me down the aisle, and I had two maids of honor (mother and sister).  I also don't recall anyone saying "best wishes" to me (I think everyone said "congratulations" to both of us).  Since when a) only one person gets to wear an engagement ring and b) someone has to have the "man" and someone else has to have the "woman" role in all relationships?  People annoy me.  DH's aunt was questioning why we "needed" to incorporate wedding traditions from my Asian heritage into our wedding.  Good thing I didn't hear this from her directly because I really wanted to sock her after DH told me this (I love her dearly, but I often think she was raised by a pack of wolves as she often lacks common sense but seems to see the world through ethnocentric lenses).



VorFemme

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Re: Partner used it!
« Reply #14 on: October 05, 2013, 02:22:44 PM »
I like to say "No one is the man. Our garbage hasn't been emptied in years, it's really becoming a problem".

Or perhaps, "no one, we have to hire someone to come in and do that sort of thing - the washing machine gets really heavy when it's full of water & won't drain".

Although, as VorGuy is NOT a handyman, I've learned to pick up my tools and tell him to get the wet/dry vac so I can get the water out one way or the other...I am taller than average for a woman and used to be stronger than I am today (tendinitis is not fun) - I have learned to be more cunning than the washing machine, though.
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