Bringing back a banned cheer

[MOM21SON]

About 5 years ago, DS was involved with a sports team.  One of the young, 20ish, coaches made up a cheer/chant.  All the kids loved it and I admit, I did too.

Well, the coach ended up getting arrested and kicked out of the whole club.  His crime was video taping young female team members in the shower.  He received a slap on the wrist and left town.

Some of the old team members are still on the team that were there when this coach was.  The head coach is still the same.

So this chant cheer was semi banned.  Meaning that once in awhile one of the older kids would start it up but it wasn't a part of regular practice.

One of the new moms, her kid started after the incident, posted a video of the kids doing the cheer/chant.  The older kids are all male, and actually adults, 17, 18 and 20.  They are teaching the kids this. 

When I saw it, I immediately got sick to my stomach.  I have no intention of telling anyone new what happened, but I would like to know why the head coach all of a sudden finds this acceptable.

But it is really none of my business and I should stay out of it, right?

[otterwoman]

Ignoring the connection to the former coach, is there anything inappropriate about the cheer itself? If not, I'd let it go. The newer kids and parents might not know who made up the cheer.

[Judah]

As long as the former coach isn't being honored or lauded in some way by the cheer I don't understand what the issue is. It's just a fun cheer.

[Twik]

It's not like the St. Mary's University "We Like Them Young!" cheer, is it?

I am a little confused about whether it's the cheer itself, or the association with the coach, that's disturbing you. Could you give a little more information?

[MrTango]

I don't see what's wrong with the cheer.

Just because the person who invented something great was then caught doing something reprehensible later doesn't suddenly make the great invention bad.  This actually reminded me of a company that sells extremely popular products but that was founded by a group of people who committed some of the most evil acts in recorded history.

[MOM21SON]

I think there are 2 things bothering me.

1.  It was made up by the old coach. There is nothing wrong in it.
2.  The older boys/men thought the coaches actions were "no big deal" 

Edited to add a 3.  The head coach did everything he could possibly do to save this team and remove every possible trace of the coach ever being involved.

[SlitherHiss]

I think there are 2 things bothering me.

1.  It was made up by the old coach. There is nothing wrong in it.
2.  The older boys/men thought the coaches actions were "no big deal" 
3. The head coach did everything he could possibly do to save this team and remove every possible trace of the coach ever being involved.

1. If there's nothing wrong with the cheer, there's nothing wrong with the cheer. You said this mom started after the old coach was booted/arrested, yes? It's pretty likely she doesn't think of it as anything glorifying the old coach's actions.
2. I'd try to separate your frustrations with the older boys/men and their allegiance with the old coach from the kids doing the cheer.
3. If there is nothing wrong with the cheer, and the head coach hasn't seen fit to acutally ban it (Not coming up regularly in practice isn't the same as being banned), then there is nothing wrong with performing this specific cheer. It is a team cheer that happens to have been written by He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Not coming up regularly in practice isn't the same as being banned.

Edited to respond to the OP's newly-added point 3.

Edited again to say this response should probably be disregarded in light of additional info provided later in the thread; namely that the victim is still involved and feels uncomfortable and harassed hearing the cheer.

[shhh its me]

Posted it were?

[Surianne]

Hmm!  I can see both sides to this one.  It seems reasonable to continue to use the cheer as it's unoffensive and separate from who the coach was as a person. 

But if the cheer brings back bad memories for people who hear it -- especially for the girls who were victimized or their parents -- then I think it's worth talking to the current head coach about it.  It may be too soon for the cheer to resurface, especially if the young ladies whose privacy was violated are on the team and hear it.  The cheer itself isn't offensive or upsetting, but for some people it's still associated with a pretty heinous act, and I think it's reasonable to find it upsetting in that sense.

[Hmmmmm]

I wouldn't worry about it. It's not like you expect any skill a player improved upon with the assistance of this coach to stop using that skill.

[MOM21SON]

Hmm!  I can see both sides to this one.  It seems reasonable to continue to use the cheer as it's unoffensive and separate from who the coach was as a person. 

But if the cheer brings back bad memories for people who hear it -- especially for the girls who were victimized or their parents -- then I think it's worth talking to the current head coach about it.  It may be too soon for the cheer to resurface, especially if the young ladies whose privacy was violated are on the team and hear it.  The cheer itself isn't offensive or upsetting, but for some people it's still associated with a pretty heinous act, and I think it's reasonable to find it upsetting in that sense.

The "main" girl is still very much involved and remains very upset, but quiet about it.

[Surianne]

Hmm!  I can see both sides to this one.  It seems reasonable to continue to use the cheer as it's unoffensive and separate from who the coach was as a person. 

But if the cheer brings back bad memories for people who hear it -- especially for the girls who were victimized or their parents -- then I think it's worth talking to the current head coach about it.  It may be too soon for the cheer to resurface, especially if the young ladies whose privacy was violated are on the team and hear it.  The cheer itself isn't offensive or upsetting, but for some people it's still associated with a pretty heinous act, and I think it's reasonable to find it upsetting in that sense.

The "main" girl is still very much involved and remains very upset, but quiet about it.

In that case I think if you're still involved with the team or friendly with the head coach, I'd give him a heads up about the problematic cheer.  She may not feel comfortable bringing it up herself.  Holding off on using the cheer for a few years won't hurt anyone, but continuing to use it may hurt the girl quite a bit.

If you're not involved at all anymore, it's a bit harder, so I'm curious to see what other posters say.   I'm not sure what I'd do in your shoes.  It seems like a "mind your own business" situation but...it wouldn't sit well with me if I suspected a young girl were upset.

[SlitherHiss]

Hmm!  I can see both sides to this one.  It seems reasonable to continue to use the cheer as it's unoffensive and separate from who the coach was as a person. 

But if the cheer brings back bad memories for people who hear it -- especially for the girls who were victimized or their parents -- then I think it's worth talking to the current head coach about it.  It may be too soon for the cheer to resurface, especially if the young ladies whose privacy was violated are on the team and hear it.  The cheer itself isn't offensive or upsetting, but for some people it's still associated with a pretty heinous act, and I think it's reasonable to find it upsetting in that sense.

The "main" girl is still very much involved and remains very upset, but quiet about it.

In that case I think if you're still involved with the team or friendly with the head coach, I'd give him a heads up about the problematic cheer.  She may not feel comfortable bringing it up herself.  Holding off on using the cheer for a few years won't hurt anyone, but continuing to use it may hurt the girl quite a bit.

If you're not involved at all anymore, it's a bit harder, so I'm curious to see what other posters say.   I'm not sure what I'd do in your shoes.  It seems like a "mind your own business" situation but...it wouldn't sit well with me if I suspected a young girl were upset.

This. That the victim is still involved and is upset by this is very, very relevant. Crucial, even. I wish it had been included in the first post.

OP, has she actually come to you with her objections? Are you hearing this through the other kids? That might inform the advice we give as to how to help her have a safe/non-triggering environment.

[MOM21SON]

Posted it were?

On Facebook

[shhh its me]

Posted it were?

On Facebook

On the mothers personal Fb or the schools/teams?