If I dismiss any level of malice attached to the people involved in this whole thing, it's still not reasonable to continue using the cheer. Let me take on a few of the choice parts of this conversation.
Unless the cheer names the coach, it's time to move one. The cheer has nothing to do with the coach and as time goes on no one is going to remember he made it up. And, that's the way it should be.
Once that's true, then I'll agree with you, but this cheer is hurting a current member of the cheer squad who was victimized by this coach. Since the single cheer isn't an absolute requirement to having a cheer team, then it should be shelved until it's no longer causing a current squad member pain. We're not talking about banning everything associated with the coach, just one cheer until this girl graduates.
shhh its me wrote:
If I understand correctly this is a community activity and the team does not start the cheer officially anymore , its either the crowed or a few members starting it up.
The original post said, "One of the new moms, her kid started after the incident, posted a video of the kids doing the cheer/chant. The older kids are all male, and actually adults, 17, 18 and 20. They are teaching the kids this." Older members of the squad are teaching other members of the squad this cheer, presumably in practice. That's not community activity, it's team members within the squad.
If this is a cheerleading squad and the girl is on the squad and is being asked to lead the cheer that would make a difference. But I didn't not get the sense that is the case at all.
See above. These are senior members of the squad teaching the cheer to younger squadmates, not "crowd initiated".
I mean I think the girl is upset, but I don't think the logical reaction is to ban everyone else from ever using a cheer that really has nothing to do with why she is upset.
Banning it until that particular person leaves the squad is reasonable.
The quoted is what I said, what I believe, and not an uncommon truth. I never said to bury feelings, suppress them, or not experience them. I said to not allow the past to dictate the present.
These may be wise words but we're talking about a teenager here. Dropping a single cheer from the roster isn't going to send the team down any slippery slopes and it's only got to be until she's done with school, so a few years at most. It just seems so entirely unnecessary to use a cheer that's going to bring up bad feelings in a current squad member when there have to be a hundred other cheers they could use instead, so in this light I see the dismissiveness as very insensitive. Said shorter, if the best you can come up with to tell this girl is "don't let the past discate the present" then you should reflect on why this particular cheer is so very important that its presence in the lineup is more important that her feelings about the matter.
The point is that we can choose whether to allow these feelings to negatively impact our lives...In my life understanding that truth has made a world of difference.
This girl is a teenager. Bully for you that your experiences have led you to this level of peace but you're asking an awful lot from a high school student, and you're asking it because of something that's pretty unimportant. Again I ask, what so important about this particular cheer at this particular time that makes it so necessary to the squad that it's worth drumming up these feelings? Is the "damage" that banning this cheer for three years will do really bad enough to continue hurting her?
But did anyone ask the girl in question if she minded the use of the chant or is all of this here just based on the theory that she might still feel victimized when she hears it?
MOM21SON posted that "The "main" girl is still very much involved and remains very upset, but quiet about it."