Author Topic: Kitchen Sink Etiquette  (Read 8606 times)

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Poppea

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Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« on: September 16, 2013, 06:07:14 PM »
I thought this was an easy question, but I thought I'd post it in case others might have a different opinion.

My friend Marissa has a problem with her husband Ted.  Ted loves eating apples and when he is done rather than put the core in the garbage, he will put it in the kitchen sink.  If the sink if empty he will put it in the disposal and run the disposal.  But, when the sink has stray dishes in it waiting to go into the dishwasher or even in Marissa is soaking a pan, he will leave the apple core in the sink for Marissa to take care of later.

Marissa thinks this is extremely rude and actually insulting to require her to touch someone else's half eaten food.  Ted thinks this is just normal behavior (His Mom never complained about it)

I'm on Marissa's side.

jaxsue

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2013, 06:11:00 PM »
I'm with Marissa, too.

"His mom never complained about it." Having been married to a mamma's boy (now an X), I have to laugh at that.  ::)

EllenS

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2013, 06:12:58 PM »
I don't know that I'd call it "rude and insulting", since the division of family chores is not really in the realm of etiquette, per se.

"inconsiderate and gross" I could get behind, if has told him that is bothers her.

Personally, this would not bug me a whole lot.  In our house, whoever didn't cook dinner is in charge of cleaning the kitchen and whatever is left in the sink - so it all evens out eventually.  But if she's told him it bothers her and he keeps doing it, that is inconsiderate.

WillyNilly

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2013, 06:14:54 PM »
I'm with Marissa here. It is rude and insulting, and inconsiderate and gross. And pretty lazy and pathetic on top of all that.

EllenS

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2013, 06:16:55 PM »
I do have to wonder, how long have they been married?  "my mom doesn't mind" are fighting words.

Library Dragon

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2013, 06:17:51 PM »
Inconsiderate at best.

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metallicafan

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2013, 06:20:11 PM »
Inconsiderate and rather lazy.
And bringing up that his mom didn't mind is a bad idea on his part.  OP is his wife, not his mother.

Poppea

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2013, 06:22:38 PM »
I don't know that I'd call it "rude and insulting", since the division of family chores is not really in the realm of etiquette, per se.

"inconsiderate and gross" I could get behind, if has told him that is bothers her.

Personally, this would not bug me a whole lot.  In our house, whoever didn't cook dinner is in charge of cleaning the kitchen and whatever is left in the sink - so it all evens out eventually.  But if she's told him it bothers her and he keeps doing it, that is inconsiderate.

She is responsible for doing the dishes and has told him many times quite firmly that she thinks its gross.   I think he brought up his mother not minding because she told him it is not normal to leave an apple core like that.  He feels that there is nothing improper about it.  Thats why she asked me.
« Last Edit: September 16, 2013, 06:24:43 PM by Poppea »

SlitherHiss

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #8 on: September 16, 2013, 06:37:01 PM »
Honestly, I don't think it would really matter if it was silly on her part. The point is, she is grossed out/feels disrespected, and when she expresses that to her husband, his response is "Yeah, well my mom wasn't."

Now obviously, OP, you weren't there and you're getting this second-hand from your friend, but it seems like the best thing for her to say would be "I understand that. However, I am not your mother, and it does bother me. A lot. Please respect my wishes."

Because we engage in slight behavior modification for the sake of our partners all the time. Not because one partner is more correct (although I think Marissa is, in this case :D), but because we care about each other and don't want to needlessly annoy one another when a simple change would eliminate the problem. I have learned to take my shoes off in the house. DH has learned to comply with my weird organizational preferences. Marissa's DH can learn to put his cores in the trash/compost.

rose red

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #9 on: September 16, 2013, 06:42:07 PM »
It doesn't matter if it's normal or not.  She doesn't like it and should straight out tell him not to do it anymore.  If he argues, argue back.

"I'm not your mother."
"Just because it's normal for your mother, doesn't mean it's normal for other people."
"I'm your wife.  Please respect my wishes and opinion."

Posting the same time as SlitherHiss who said basically the same thing, so I'm glad others are thinking along the same lines :).

ladyknight1

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2013, 07:01:05 PM »
I think it is a bit bizarre and clueless if nothing more. I would tell him once, and that would be it. He would be taking over KP if it happened again.

msulinski

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #11 on: September 16, 2013, 07:04:27 PM »
I'm not sure why this is so disgusting, as when Marissa is doing the dishes, I assume she is already touching half-eaten food. I do find it sort of rude anyway though, if only symbolically. He could just throw the core in the garbage if the sink is full.

Bob Ducca

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #12 on: September 16, 2013, 07:38:22 PM »
Her bringing up "not normal" opened the door.  It doesn't matter if it is normal or not, she doesn't like it.  Her "not normal" argument opened the door for him to justify, so she needs to leave that behind.  "I don't care if everyone else in the world does it, I don't like it and I want you to stop it."

lady_disdain

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #13 on: September 16, 2013, 07:53:35 PM »
I am with Marissa. First, having the cores sitting around with the rest of the dishes is a good way to get flies, not to mention that it is a lot less pleasant to look at than just a stack of plates. Second, while doing the dishes may be her chore, cleaning up after her husband isn't. He should leave the dishes for her, not the dishes and the rest of the food. Besides, how long does it take to throw the core out?

But, if I were her, I might just adopt the "But my mother didn't care line". He would hear it a lot in the near future! I might even give my mother a little advance warning, so she would back me up. Just until he learned the lesson, of course.

Surianne

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Re: Kitchen Sink Etiquette
« Reply #14 on: September 16, 2013, 07:56:18 PM »
I agree with the posts so far.  I can see how to him it's not gross between family, once she told him it bothered her, he should have stopped.  It's courteous to change a small habit like that if your spouse doesn't normally complain, and finds it upsetting.