Kitchen Sink Etiquette

[Girlie]

I don't think this qualifies as "lazy." It requires the same amount of effort to put an apple in the sink as it does the trash.

That's just gross, inconsiderate, and it's hard to believe he's not doing it because he knows it annoys her. Otherwise, why not just put it in the trash? What would the difference be?

[TootsNYC]

I agree w/ Girlie--but is he not putting it in the trash because they don't ever put food intheir trash, and instead use the disposal?

In which case, they need to provide him a place to put it while the disposal is blocked. Then whoever can simply tip the stuff out into the disposal.

And I think she's making a mistake to say "this is how everybody does it; this is the default." Because frankly it isn't. (and he's not doing it "at" her, to boot!)

She needs to say, "please don't do that, it grosses me out. And it bothers me that you leave your garbage for me to deal with--it feels disrespectful. So now that you know how it makes me feel, I'm sure you won't want to do it anymore."

And they need a simple bowl or square container that can stay on the counter to put the food garbage in when the disposal is blocked.

[lady_disdain]

And they need a simple bowl or square container that can stay on the counter to put the food garbage in when the disposal is blocked.

I have a tiny garbage pail, so that everything is covered and out of sight.

[Bluenomi]

He either needs to put it in the bin or pick up whatever is in the sink, use the disposal and then put the dishes back. Leaving your rubbish around for someone else to deal with is rude even if your mother didn't mind. (Which by the way is the lamest excuse I think I've ever heard)

[snowdragon]

I am on the wife's side.

the husband sounds like my prat of a brother who at 49 still takes milk and pours it in the clean dishes on Christmas and other special occasions, so I have to wash them. Mom thinks it's no big deal and never did a thing about it. So he's still doing it.
 If a person is never forced to change childish behaviour they never grow out of it. 

[m2kbug]

I'm on team Marissa as well.  I keep wondering, why isn't he cleaning up the dishes?  If he can't get to the disposal because of the pan, wash the pan in the process.  Dishes aside, he could easily throw the core in the trash and not the sink.

[Bashful]

Team Marissa here. I don't have a disposal so I may be wrong, but leaving apple cores into the sink with the dishes gives Marissa additional work, because I suppose she has to remove them before washing the dishes and then throw them (in the disposal or garbage can).
I have a similar issue with my husband (we are newlyweds so I still hope we can find an agreement): he tends to leave his empty bottles or paper wraps on the kitchen counter, instead of throwing them in the garbage can. This happens when I'm not around, so I can't address the issue promptly. My strategy now is to leave the garbage on the kitchen counter waiting for him to come home and personally dispose of it. We are still working on it
Generally speaking he quickly stopped using the "Mom" excuse because I always remind him that I'm not Mom.

[Audrey Quest]

The only person's opinion here that matters is Marisa's.

She doesn't want to be left the apple core so he either needs to clear the sink and get rid of it, or throw it in the trash.

What's rude is continuing to do something like that when you know it grosses out your spouse.

[cicero]

And I think she's making a mistake to say "this is how everybody does it; this is the default." Because frankly it isn't. (and he's not doing it "at" her, to boot!)

yes this. She can't keep using the "it's not normal" or "this isn't how it's done" line - because it *is* how it's done in *some* homes (just not what she is used to).

Of course he shouldn't be bringing up the "my mom never minds" line either - that's a sure-fire way to get him back to living with mom

many many eons ago when i was a newlywed, i read this book by a rabbi, and one of the stories was about a couple who were having these horrible fights that started with the toothpaste - back in the olden days when the toothpaste came in an aluminum type tube - one of them squished, one of them rolled. the rabbi advised them to get two tubes of toothpaste and all was well. Point was - there was no right or wrong way, and it wasn't worth getting all riled up about it. Your friend and her husband should find some *other way* to handle this - a little tub in the sink, let him throw the apple in the trash, etc.

[Pen^2]

I agree that Marissa should try a different line, because "It's not normal," clearly isn't working. But the fault of this argument is not with her at all.

It takes the same effort to put the apple in the sink or in the rubbish. He chooses the sink "For Marissa to take care of later." She's in charge of throwing out his decomposing food scraps? Okay, maybe that's how they roll. But for him to purposefully create more stuff for her to throw out? Red flag.

Even if it was something more understandable, when your spouse asks you several times to do something very small and you blatantly refuse to do it? Very inconsiderate. Bad bad bad. How normal this is isn't the problem here.

Also, who responds to their wife's unhappiness by saying, "My mother was okay with it" Many more red flags sprouting all over the place with that line. He sees his wife as a substitute? Or that she's supposed to play the same role and have the same feelings about things as his mother? Even if they have kids and if Marissa is a mother, Marissa isn't the same person as his mother. To expect her to be is very disrespectful and juvenile. I'm always slightly disgusted with people who think along these lines. He needs to grow up.

[jilly]

It doesn't matter if it's normal or not.  She doesn't like it and should straight out tell him not to do it anymore.  If he argues, argue back.

"I'm not your mother."
"Just because it's normal for your mother, doesn't mean it's normal for other people."
"I'm your wife.  Please respect my wishes and opinion."

Posting the same time as SlitherHiss who said basically the same thing, so I'm glad others are thinking along the same lines .

This

[YummyMummy66]

"My mom never complained about it".

"Well, dear I am not your mother.  I am your wife.  You have a choice.  Throw your apple core away or go home and sleep with mom".

[z_squared82]

I'm on Marissa's side for a completely different reason.

How old is the garbage disposal? B/c my mother never put apple cores down the disposal for fear of breaking it.

What's easier? Throwing the core in the garbage can or replacing the garbage disposal?

[wheeitsme]

Here's the thing.  It bothers Marissa. She's told him she doesn't want to touch his food waste.   She's told him she would like him to put them in the trash. 

He's chosen not to.  He's decided to continue an action that actively annoys his wife and is a gross out for her.

That is not kind.  That is not nice.  That is not loving.

And if it was me, I'd probably make the point that his actions had consequences. 

[magicdomino]

They are both wrong.  Apple cores go in the compost pile or worm bin.   

More importantly, leaving fruit and vegetable scraps in the sink attracts fruit flies, which are highly annoying when they drown themselves in your glass of wine.  Promptly disposing of debris helps prevent six-legged vermin of all kinds. Ted can put the core down the disposal or in the trash, but he needs to put it somewhere.

Also, Marissa is right in that spit-covered apple cores are gross.