General Etiquette > Dating

Timing a Dumping

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Sneezy:
My boyfriend is traveling for work right now. I can reach him in an emergency, but doing so is disruptive to both him and his coworkers. On his way home, they are planning to drop him off in my city so he and I can hang out for my birthday next week and then fly home.  He lives in the same state, but a few hours away.

However, him being gone has given me time to think and I've decided I no longer want to pursue this relationship. He's not abusive or a bad person, but I'm just not wanting to continue this any longer.

So, I see I have two options here. One, use the emergency contact line and dump him that way so he doesn't end up coming here. Pros - gets it done faster and I don't have to play nice on my birthday. Cons - This would be disruptive to him at work and his coworker who has the emergency phone. He'll have to pay the change fee on his flight from here to home, but on the plus side he would have the rest of the ticket value available to him for future travel.

The other option is to pretend like everything is fine this visit, make a nice week of it for us both, and then dump him about a week after he goes home.  Pros - I don't have to disrupt anyone. Cons - could be rude/duplicitous to do this.

Having him come here, get dumped, and having an awkward week and/or paying an airline change fee just seems rude.

What is the polite thing to do here?

JenJay:
Would it be possible to tell a small lie that you're sick or called into work then have the breakup chat with him when he's home and has privacy?

MrTango:
The polite thing, IMO, is to do the "dumping" in a way that avoids embarrassing him in public.

With that said, if I were in your position, I'd tell him as soon as I made the decision.  That gives him the maximum amount of time to rearrange his travel plans.

Sneezy:
Do you think that dumping is at the same level as an emergency goes, as far as being worthy of interrupting him at work goes?

shhh its me:
  Ok so a group of people is working together with only one phone and no internet access for a week? 

I think I may wait till he arrives , it just sounds like that is an EMERGENCY phone, as in someone is dying.  Also if he is doing something stressful/dangerous its IMHO it not appropriate to tell him until its done.  There is also the factor that you will be telling all his co workers its an emergency and then they wont be dropping him off, I think that would be close to breaking up with him in front of all of them.

I don't think you have t pretend the whole week but I lend  away from using a "shared" emergency phone.  I wouldn't normally recommend it but if he has access to email I would use that in this case.

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