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  • March 28, 2017, 01:54:43 AM

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Author Topic: A problem, solved.  (Read 1835 times)

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rose red

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Re: A problem, solved.
« Reply #15 on: February 01, 2017, 06:31:57 PM »
A lot of the guests are going to send gifts after the wedding anyway so springing a surprise may not work out if the purpose is to avoid gifts.

Plus the added bonus of upsetting those who turned down the invitation thinking it's just a regular party.

I love the idea. I have several friends that are eloping vs having big weddings due to cost and family strife.

I think that missing something is the chance you take when you decline to attend.

Yeah, you may expect to miss *something* like a friend dancing on the table or Adele being the entertainment at a party, but who expects to miss a wedding due to trickery? That's just not the norm.
« Last Edit: February 01, 2017, 06:33:51 PM by rose red »

Harriet Jones

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Re: A problem, solved.
« Reply #16 on: February 01, 2017, 07:06:26 PM »
I love the idea. I have several friends that are eloping vs having big weddings due to cost and family strife.

I think that missing something is the chance you take when you decline to attend.

So to avoid being disappointed, someone has to go to every party in case it's actually a surprise <important life event>? 

Allyson

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Re: A problem, solved.
« Reply #17 on: February 01, 2017, 07:25:32 PM »
You don't think it's possible that the friends might have said something to those who said they couldn't make it? If I were going to do that, I would! It's also possible that nobody ended up declining the party and everything worked out great -- just because some people would hate it doesn't mean it went over badly here! I mean, I get it, but if I came to the off topic group to post a fun thing that happened to me and the majority of responses were reasons why they wouldn't like it I'd be pretty bummed!

Harriet Jones

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Re: A problem, solved.
« Reply #18 on: February 01, 2017, 09:59:01 PM »
I'd be disappointed if I turned down a friend's backyard bbq/surprise wedding because of a prior commitment that I could have potentially rescheduled or cancelled if I had only known.

In theory, I don't have a problem with the idea, though.  I can sympathize with the bride and groom who'd like to keep everything low-key.

RainyDays

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Re: A problem, solved.
« Reply #19 on: February 03, 2017, 03:26:32 PM »
I love the idea. I have several friends that are eloping vs having big weddings due to cost and family strife.

I think that missing something is the chance you take when you decline to attend.

I did elope, in part to avoid the cost and the family drama. And I would do it again.

But an elopement is different than throwing a "normal" party, and then announcing that it's your wedding. Obviously I would hope that by doing that, the B&G wouldn't be offended by people declining. However, they also shouldn't be surprised that others feel hurt and left out because they declined a "party" and missed out on a life event they were otherwise invited to. For better or worse, it would make me feel less close to the couple, even if I was "supposed" to be there.

And yes, there is a difference in how I'd feel -- both inwardly and towards the couple -- declining a wedding I would love to go to but can't for whatever reason, and missing a wedding because I declined a "party".

Bijou

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Re: A problem, solved.
« Reply #20 on: February 05, 2017, 04:07:10 AM »
I was invited on a lake cruise by a friend. Lots of folks were going to be there.

Since I was feeling unwell on the day of the cruise, I let her know I couldn't make it. I'd prepaid for the cruise so she wasn't going to be out of pocket.

It turned out to be a surprise wedding. I felt awful for not being there, even though we weren't particularly close. Although I was unwell, I would have pushed myself to get there for her wedding. I wish she'd told me. From my perspective, it backfired.
I wouldn't be happy having accepted an invitation to participate in something I paid for myself, only to find out it was someones wedding.  I would feel duped into helping to pay for their wedding. 
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

Psychopoesie

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Re: A problem, solved.
« Reply #21 on: February 05, 2017, 04:22:09 AM »
I was invited on a lake cruise by a friend. Lots of folks were going to be there.

Since I was feeling unwell on the day of the cruise, I let her know I couldn't make it. I'd prepaid for the cruise so she wasn't going to be out of pocket.

It turned out to be a surprise wedding. I felt awful for not being there, even though we weren't particularly close. Although I was unwell, I would have pushed myself to get there for her wedding. I wish she'd told me. From my perspective, it backfired.
I wouldn't be happy having accepted an invitation to participate in something I paid for myself, only to find out it was someones wedding.  I would feel duped into helping to pay for their wedding.

Hadn't thought about it that way. You're right though - if they were inviting people to their wedding upfront, they'd be expected to pay for the lake cruise, including food.