Grammar and spellling that make you twitch

[barkingmad]

Cretin levels, so wrong and yet so right!  That could explain this gem, from a community page on Facebook:

A while back I posted about if anyone home school's would like to do a play date I had several response's but only hooked up with one , those who had interest or are interested comment here thanks

 

[Redneck Gravy]

I live in the P E R M I A N   Basin area in Texas, where half the businesses, walkathons, charities and what have ya are named Permian somesuch

10 times a year I see P E R M A I N   

My eyes bug out and my hair stands on end...     

[twiggy]

From the discussion a few pages ago, lay vs. lie. I learned this little poem:

When I lie down in my bed, the pillow's where I lay my head

[TootsNYC]

We got a political questionnaire in the mail several years ago. This presumably went out to every household in the state. Across the front of the envelope, in HUGE font, were the words, "YOU'RE 2005 POLITICAL QUESTIONNAIRE IS ENCLOSED!"

Now, I'm not the type to point out every mistake that I see, because I am sure that I make a few of my own, but this was a statewide thing put together by a professional survey firm.

*le sigh*

This is a case of hypercorrectness.

The most common mistake is to use "your" when people mean "you're."

So whoever did this remembered only that " 'your' is wrong," and they reflexively used "you're."

People do the same thing when they stick "whom" into places it doesn't belong.

[TootsNYC]

Oh, forgot my favorite one.. "Viola!"

No. A viola is a musical instrument. The word you are looking for is voila (and yes, the a should be accented, I just don't know how to make that on my keyboard).

Under absolutely no circumstances, ever, should it be "Walla!"

At my publication, we've had a rash of backward accents; people using the "regular" accent mark (the acute accent) when it should be the other one (the grave accent--pronounced "grahv")

The grave accent is normally located on the key to the left of the 1. é is on the lowercase e.
I'm using an iPad w/ a Bluetooth keyboard, and here it's on the ] key at the far right, but it needs the Function AND the Option keys to activate properly.

I did an email to the staff, and included a screen shot of the key--I think that's the biggest reason people were sending it through wrong--they don't know how to make it.

[TootsNYC]

I flinch at the one I see here: Diety. No. Deity. From deus.

Diety means 'like a diet' and I vote against it being a real word.

Haha, me too!

"I before E, except after C, and only when the sound is 'ee'." Too many people were not taught the bolded part of that rhyme!

One of my favorite t-shirts that Computergear.com has had for sale is:

"I before E, except after C"
           Weird, huh?

I heard "I before E, except after C, or when sounded as A as in neighbor or weigh."

and of course there are lots of words that don't fit the rules.

[SamiHami]

This thread has piqued my interest.

We used to having a peeping Tom that peeked in my window.

Jupiter Coyote is a great band, but the peaked years ago.

And, I do apologize for getting sort of off topic here, but I used to work with a man named Demain. Now, I understood when people would request Damien. It's close. But why on earth did someone come in the office looking for Diamontay? How did we get from Demain to Diamontay? People just don't pay attention.

[Editeer]

"So I was going Joe's house whenever the car accident hapened." Really? That's the only time you went to Joe's? I thought he was your boyfriend and you went over there a lot more often.

Whenever a car accident happened, there she was, on her way to Joe's again!

[cabbageweevil]

It's instead of its.

I feel a certain amount of sympathy for the makers of this mistake. Very largely, the possessive in English is formed by " 's" on the end of a noun (cicero's pen; the cat's whiskers); but the possessive of "it" is not "it's", but "its"; though there is a word "its" -- the contraction of "it is".  English can be a confusing, crazy and crazy-making language, full of pitfalls -- even for native English-speakers !

Okay, sorry.. I haven't had my coffee yet. The contraction of "it is" is "its"?
Dear me, have I been making people twitchy all these years?

No, the contraction for "it is" is it's.  I think the poster just forgot the apostrophe.

Yes, I did, sorry -- posting very early in the morning ! -- wrecked what I think is basically a valid point. I have come across a number of intelligent, educated adults, who nevertheless mixed up "its" and "it's" -- I can see how people do this, and I hesitate to pour scorn on them for it.

[lowspark]

We got a political questionnaire in the mail several years ago. This presumably went out to every household in the state. Across the front of the envelope, in HUGE font, were the words, "YOU'RE 2005 POLITICAL QUESTIONNAIRE IS ENCLOSED!"

Now, I'm not the type to point out every mistake that I see, because I am sure that I make a few of my own, but this was a statewide thing put together by a professional survey firm.

*le sigh*

This is a case of hypercorrectness.

The most common mistake is to use "your" when people mean "you're."

So whoever did this remembered only that " 'your' is wrong," and they reflexively used "you're."

People do the same thing when they stick "whom" into places it doesn't belong.

Oh boy, "whom". I can understand using "who" instead of "whom" since most people just don't get the the idea that "whom" is just the version to use when it's the object instead of the subject. But it's much more annoying to see people using "whom" incorrectly. It always makes me think they are trying to look smart by using "whom".

Easiest way to remember it (for me) is to use "who" if you would use "he" and "whom" if you would use "him".

[cabbageweevil]

"Ryvita. For ladies that lunch"

It is for ladies who lunch.

Tneterhooks is not far fetched, they are hooks on a tenter frame, used for stretching woollen cloth after it is woven.

I'd assume that I, and Liliane, had just never encountered a tenterhook / tenter frame in real life, whereas scotcat60 and Thipu1 had.  I'd long felt that a literal tenterhook could mean a great variety of things (was always too lazy to look it up, till yesterday). The metaphor didn't suggest anything in particular to me, context-wise.

[Hillia]

We got a political questionnaire in the mail several years ago. This presumably went out to every household in the state. Across the front of the envelope, in HUGE font, were the words, "YOU'RE 2005 POLITICAL QUESTIONNAIRE IS ENCLOSED!"

Now, I'm not the type to point out every mistake that I see, because I am sure that I make a few of my own, but this was a statewide thing put together by a professional survey firm.

*le sigh*

This is a case of hypercorrectness.

The most common mistake is to use "your" when people mean "you're."

So whoever did this remembered only that " 'your' is wrong," and they reflexively used "you're."

People do the same thing when they stick "whom" into places it doesn't belong.

Oh boy, "whom". I can understand using "who" instead of "whom" since most people just don't get the the idea that "whom" is just the version to use when it's the object instead of the subject. But it's much more annoying to see people using "whom" incorrectly. It always makes me think they are trying to look smart by using "whom".

Easiest way to remember it (for me) is to use "who" if you would use "he" and "whom" if you would use "him".

Warning: The Oatmeal is very, very funny, but often uses naughty words/images. 
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/who_vs_whom

[Moonie]

Adding "at" or "to" where it isn't needed. "Where are you at?"  No. It's "Where are you?"  "Where are you going to?"  No. It's "Where are you going?"

Apostrophes also. I have a friend who has her own business. On her business facebook page, she refers to her clients as "client's". Every single time. I gave up correcting her a while back. If she wants to look foolish, then fine.

"I seen". You SAW, not seen. Especially stabby when hearing someone saying it in a business setting. Extra stabby when the person saying it is a supervisor or department head.

[SheltieMom]

Birthday's for Him, Birthday's for Her--above the greeting card displays at every store several years ago.

Exiting instead of exciting--I see this all the time, and it drives me nuts

Rein, reign, rain--Our church puts the words to songs on a screen. We used to sing a song about God's sovereignty, which obviously would use "reign", except they insisted on using "rain", as in "Send Your Rain", when we were not talking about the weather. When this was pointed out, the person doing the songs went back and checked, and found that the songwriter wrote the song that way. No matter which way they put it on the screen, someone complained. At one point, they had changed it so many times that it was spelled one way in some verses, and the other in other verses. We don't sing that song anymore. 

[Mel the Redcap]

• Oogle instead of ogle. Oogle isn't a word.

I think it should be a word, though. It has a great sound.

I've been known to use it as onomatopoeia for an "I feel queasy" noise.