Author Topic: How long am I on the hook for something I offered? Update #34  (Read 7058 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: How long am I on the hook for something I offered?
« Reply #30 on: September 17, 2013, 08:43:30 PM »

Hindsight is always 20/20 but in the course of a casual conversation with friends, I doubt anyone is so precise to lay out all of the terms and conditions of a favor. It just would be strange if someone said, "I'd be happy to drive you there and back...between 9:00 am and 3 pm Saturday, August 17, 2013, as long as there is a maximum of two 10 minute bathroom breaks, you can't roll down the windows, no changing the radio station, and no talking on the phone or texting." I think we all make assumptions about how a favor will go without writing out a contract. Sometimes that turns out badly when we realize we may have inadvertently volunteered for more than we originally planned. It's really difficult to then say that wasn't what we had in mind.

Written contract?  What are you talking about? ???

I said nothing about a written contract or x number of bathroom breaks or changing the radio station or anything of the kind, so please don't attempt to twist my words and frame it as if I did.  I also don't see where anyone else made such an inference.



That's exactly LazyDaisy's point, however!

Her point is, we offer favors, and we make assumptions (both giver and recipient) about what involved, precisely BECAUSE we don't sit down and work it out as if it were a written contract.

And that's what gets us into trouble.

She's not saying anybody (let alone you!) DID have a written contract. She's not even saying there should BE one.

She is contrasting the nature of "favors offered off the cuff" with the nature of many written contracts. They are different

That's her point.

lkdrymom

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Re: How long am I on the hook for something I offered?
« Reply #31 on: September 17, 2013, 08:54:49 PM »
I think the OP needs to contact Hazel and tell her that when she made the offer she assumed it would be taken up in the next week or so and now over a month has passed and her weekend schedule is filling up......so does Hazel still need a ride or not?  If so please give her a date asap or she won't be able to accomodate her.  You made the offer so I think you should follow through however I get that you don't want this offer hanging over your head for the next few months either.

And if she wants to run errands, just say no. It isn't that hard. I was just out to lunch with my father. Now I only get a 30 minute break from work and lunch already took an hour....and then he wanted me to take him grocery shopping.  The "no' just flew out of my mouth.

veronaz

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Re: How long am I on the hook for something I offered?
« Reply #32 on: September 17, 2013, 09:11:51 PM »
I think the OP needs to contact Hazel and tell her that when she made the offer she assumed it would be taken up in the next week or so and now over a month has passed and her weekend schedule is filling up......so does Hazel still need a ride or not?  If so please give her a date asap or she won't be able to accomodate her.  You made the offer so I think you should follow through however I get that you don't want this offer hanging over your head for the next few months either.

And if she wants to run errands, just say no. It isn't that hard. I was just out to lunch with my father. Now I only get a 30 minute break from work and lunch already took an hour....and then he wanted me to take him grocery shopping.  The "no' just flew out of my mouth.

This is very good advice.

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: How long am I on the hook for something I offered?
« Reply #33 on: September 19, 2013, 12:35:58 AM »
O.P. here.

Thanks for the replies, everyone.  My etiquette question was whether or not it was rude to cancel an offer that was not intended to be open-ended but was taken to be so.

A comparable situation would be if Hazel complained about not having money to pay her bills, and she gladly accepted an offer to write her a check, but then said, ďOh, donít write it now because I canít get to the bank this weekĒ.  Then the following week she called and said the same thing, and then did it again the week after that and the week after that.  Obviously she expects to get the check in the future when itís convenient for her.  But meanwhile, Iím realizing that she has close relatives who could help her out, and Iím realizing that giving her the money would be a bigger sacrifice for me than I originally thought and that I feel like I have to keep the money available until she decides she wants it.

Iíll probably hear from Hazel tomorrow, and Iím going to bring the matter up and let her know that the offer is no longer on the table. 

It hadnít occurred to me that Hazel would need permission to take the grandkids.  That may be the real reason behind the dawdling, but she doesnít want to say so.
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

CrazyDaffodilLady

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How long am I on the hook for something I offered? Update #34
« Reply #34 on: September 19, 2013, 02:16:31 PM »
UPDATE: I did speak to Hazel today and told her that I wouldn't be able to make the trip in the future.  Her response was very weird.  She wasn't upset or disappointed.  She just seemed flustered.  I'm definitely starting to think that there's more going on than she's telling. 
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

BarensMom

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Re: How long am I on the hook for something I offered? Update #34
« Reply #35 on: September 19, 2013, 08:12:14 PM »
UPDATE: I did speak to Hazel today and told her that I wouldn't be able to make the trip in the future.  Her response was very weird.  She wasn't upset or disappointed.  She just seemed flustered.  I'm definitely starting to think that there's more going on than she's telling.

Then you're well out of it.