Author Topic: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?  (Read 11035 times)

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lellah

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Lately three of my FB wholly unrelated friends have been banging on about how people--especially child-free people--in public ought to be more receptive to their kids' presence and behavior. 

Now, I love kids.  I also love penguins.  I just don't happen to want to live with either. 

I like to think I'm pretty kid-friendly: Your child's freaking out in a supermarket?  Sympathetic look from me.  Your child's freaking out in the airplane seat next to me?  I will ask if you I can help somehow, and I will glare at people glaring at you.  Explosive diaper at the mall?  I will offer the baby wipes I carry in my purse if you're out. 

But if your tot's squalling at top volume at a wedding or a funeral and you're not taking them out?  Blurgh.  You're terrible.  It's 9pm and your kid's screaming in an art museum?  Also terrible.  Freaking out in a r-rated movie?  Ruining everyone's night out in a posh restaurant at a time when kids ought to be in bed? Ugggggh.

My general attitude is that the world's full of places kids need to go or ought to go or can go.  Kids sometimes have tantrums or smelly pants, and that's normal.  We need to cut them and their parents a big break in those spaces.  But it makes me kind of crazy when very young kids are acting up because they're in a setting where they couldn't reasonably be expected to be behave and their parents aren't doing anything.  In fact, I think that's Very Rude. 

What say you, ehellions?  Am I grump?

Julsie

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2013, 12:21:06 PM »
You have no children.  I have seven.  We are in total agreement.

WillyNilly

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2013, 12:25:17 PM »
I don't think you are a grump. I totally agree. Not everywhere is appropriate for kids, and even if the place might be sort of appropriate for a kid (like say a wedding) that doesn't mean all behavior from those kids should be tolerated - there are times when the kid needs to be taken outside for a bit.

lowspark

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2013, 12:28:06 PM »
I have two, now grown, sons. And I agree too.

When parents place their children in a setting that is not appropriate for kids, it's not only very rude to the other people there, it's horribly unfair to the kids.

Sure, kids need to learn how to behave in a restaurant setting, for example. Taking them to family oriented places where a little bit of restlessness and loudness can be tolerated, and the opportunity used to teach what is good and bad behavior is fine. Taking them to a fancy low-light adult restaurant for that same lesson is not.

lowspark

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2013, 12:31:15 PM »
In fact, the very fact that I have kids makes me that much more annoyed when I'm around kids in a situation where they don't belong. Back to the restaurant example, when my kids were young and I got a brief respite from them and was able to go out for a nice adult dinner, the last thing I wanted to see was other kids behaving badly!

courtsmad25

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2013, 12:32:26 PM »
NOPE!! Not at all! I decided that Branson, MO USA was my personal idea of h&ll when I was on a trip there and had been tossing around the idea of getting a new tattoo done. It's midnight and I'm watching TV when an ad comes on for a local tattoo place, so I sit up and take notice til the end of the commercial when the announcer says "bring you whole family, and kids get free airbrush tattoo's while you wait"!  :o  ??? :(Really?!?  Yeah that's one place where kids definitely don't need to be..what if they bump the artists arm and they make a line across you? Depending on the size you can be there HOURS..  ::)

PastryGoddess

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2013, 12:34:00 PM »
I totally agree as well.  I also don't have kids, but I'm fairly child friendly. 

Zilla

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2013, 12:34:43 PM »
It's interesting where it was once accepted that children are to be seen but nor heard.  And children "disappeared" at bedtime so their parents can go out to dinner, have a drink etc in peace.


Nowadays it's like horror of horrors to even dare mention No Children please.  If that makes you a grump, then I am a huge grumpy grump. :D  And I do like kids, have two of my own.  However thankfully I am gradually seeing restaurants bucking up and sticking with the No Children rules and people are supporting them etc.  So the tide is turning back a bit to the earlier times. 

Winterlight

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2013, 12:35:28 PM »
As a former child, I also agree with you. *g*

 My parents went to adult events and the kids stayed home with a babysitter- and by "adult" I mean the symphony, theater, dinner out, etc. Did my brother and I get to eat out/do things? Of course, at age-appropriate venues and events. Thanksgiving/Christmas lunch buffet? Yes. Disney movie matinee? Yes. That quiet little Chinese teahouse with no children's menu? Please, not until they're old enough to sit still and keep their voices down!
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Monkey Maker

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2013, 12:36:59 PM »
If you're a grump, so am I. 

When I signed up for this parenting malarkey, it was with the full knowledge that I would miss out on some things if I couldn't get a babysitter.  Which is as it should be.

JenJay

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #10 on: September 18, 2013, 12:38:38 PM »
Lately three of my FB wholly unrelated friends have been banging on about how people--especially child-free people--in public ought to be more receptive to their kids' presence and behavior. 

Now, I love kids.  I also love penguins.  I just don't happen to want to live with either. 

I like to think I'm pretty kid-friendly: Your child's freaking out in a supermarket?  Sympathetic look from me.  Your child's freaking out in the airplane seat next to me?  I will ask if you I can help somehow, and I will glare at people glaring at you.  Explosive diaper at the mall?  I will offer the baby wipes I carry in my purse if you're out. 

But if your tot's squalling at top volume at a wedding or a funeral and you're not taking them out?  Blurgh.  You're terrible.  It's 9pm and your kid's screaming in an art museum?  Also terrible.  Freaking out in a r-rated movie?  Ruining everyone's night out in a posh restaurant at a time when kids ought to be in bed? Ugggggh.

My general attitude is that the world's full of places kids need to go or ought to go or can go.  Kids sometimes have tantrums or smelly pants, and that's normal.  We need to cut them and their parents a big break in those spaces.  But it makes me kind of crazy when very young kids are acting up because they're in a setting where they couldn't reasonably be expected to be behave and their parents aren't doing anything.  In fact, I think that's Very Rude. 

What say you, ehellions?  Am I grump?

I'm with you. I have three children and the way I look at it is, it was MY choice to have kids, therefore it is MY responsibility to miss out on things if those things are not appropriate for kids or I couldn't find a sitter.

Another Sarah

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #11 on: September 18, 2013, 12:40:10 PM »
I can appreciate that short of strapping a kid down, you can't stop them being kids. But I do think there's an increasing tendency towards "You can't prevent little Johnny from being a child, he doesn't understand good behaviour" when the reason little Johnny is running round the place screaming at the top of his lungs and kicking passers-by is because his parents have never told him not to.

There comes a point when a child, a teen, becomes fully accountable for their behaviour, but there is a difference between not holding them to an adult standard and not holding them to any standard at all.

I look at it as everyone is held the same level of behaviour, but parents should take responsibility for their children's adherence to that level until they develop it themselves. If a baby is screaming their head off at a wedding, it's up to the parent to make sure nobody is disturbed. If an older kid is acting up, it's up to the parent to remind them what good behaviour is.

I'm not saying it's that easy, cause they have that "whole mind of their own" thing and sometimes you just can't stop a kid from shouting and crying and behaving badly. But if a parent isn't even trying to do so, then lauches into a self-righteous tirade about respecting children, that's disrespectful on their part.

Rohanna

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #12 on: September 18, 2013, 12:44:56 PM »
Kids belong in everyday life- kids do not have to be at "optional" activities of any type if the cant behave appropriatly for the event/venue. Optional to me means things that aren't necessary even if they are fun, like a co-worker's wedding or a nice dinner out .

If you go to a child-friendly restaurant you might have to hear my kid tantrum on the way out for a time out - I won't inflict that on anyone at a "date night" ....
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CakeBeret

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #13 on: September 18, 2013, 12:46:46 PM »
I have a 3 year old whom I adore, and I am a grump about children. Parents and kids have my goodwill and understanding in most places, though.

If I have left my kid with a babysitter and am paying dearly to dine in a swanky, quiet restaurant, I will be supremely irritated to listen to another child caterwauling throughout dinner.

Children do not belong in tattoo parlors, period. My husband had the bright idea of taking our son along with him to a multi-hour tattoo appointment and still doesn't entirely get why that's a terrible idea, but he did at least listen to me and scrap that plan.

I once went to a midnight showing of an R-rated movie and was irritated to see a sleeping infant in a carrier down the row from me. I was pleasantly surprised, then, to see the parents put soundproof headphones on the little one, and loosely drape a blanket over the carrier. The babe slept straight through the movie! I have no doubt that if he had started crying, the parents would have taken him out right away.

My son is an energetic, hardheaded little scamp, and yes, it would be easy to let him misbehave and do nothing because "that's just how he is". But I don't. It takes a lot of effort to help him behave properly in public, so I kind of resent parents who sit back and do nothing while their kids misbehave.
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Deetee

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Re: Are there places where kids don't belong? Or am I big, child-free grump?
« Reply #14 on: September 18, 2013, 12:46:59 PM »
I am in agreement with all your examples. But those aren't about kids being in places. Those are about screaming and ill behavedto kids being in places so it really isn't a point of contention.

The more interesting questions are whether kids should be at weddings or funerals at all our at fancy restaurants at all our out past "bedtime" at all.

I always think of the bedtime one because I do know a family who just ran on a later time clock. Their baby slept from about 11pm to 9 or 10 am.  They kept this up until the kid was in grade one. So I never really felt that there was a time that kids shouldn't be allowed out or up past.