Author Topic: Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush UPDATE PG 6  (Read 13226 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

weeblewobble

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3361
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush UPDATE PG 6
« on: September 19, 2013, 08:36:15 AM »
Since getting into shape, I've developed a passion for cute high heels.  I'm six feet tall and before I tried to "hide" my height by only wearing flats or low heels. But now, I'm wearing nicer clothes and my balance has improved significantly, so why not wear platforms if I can get around in them without injury?

There was a HUGE shoe sale at my favorite store yesterday.  I tried on several pairs of 4-5 inch heels.  While I was walking around in them, testing their foot-pain factor, a woman approached me and said, "You're too tall to wear such high heels.  It's unattractive.  Men don't like women being taller than they are.  You should stick to flats and low heels."

I smiled at her sweetly and said, "I'll take that under advisement." and continued to try on my shoes. And resolved to buy several pairs of the tallest heels I could find.  Because THHHHPPP on her, that's why.

When the woman saw that I was trying on more high heels, she said, "I just said you shouldn't wear such high heels, why are you ignoring me?"

Me: (still smiling sweetly) "I said I would take it under advisement."

Her: "I don't like your attitude, smiling at me and acting like you're going to do what I say, when we both know you won't.  You're being really rude."

Me: "I'm sorry you feel that way."

And I picked up three pairs of shoes (with REALLY high heels) and took them to the register.  As I walked out with my purchases, I heard the woman griping to her friend about a "horrible young woman" who was rude and condescending while this lady was only trying to offer her advice.

Now, other than my "I'm sorry you feel that way" non-apology, I don't feel I was rude.  (I don't like non-apologies on principal, but this one seemed unavoidable.) I will admit that hearng someone tell me I should go back to my "old ways" and hide my height with shorter shoes struck a "GRRR" chord in my head.  I did avoid JADE-ing, by not telling her that 1) I enjoyed wearing high heels and 2) my husband, who is four inches taller than me, LOVES it when I wear heels because we see eye to eye.  And maybe I shouldn't have smiled at her, which seemed to set her off.

But really?  I'm supposed to follow the advice of a random stranger and change my shoe philosophy because she decides I'm unattractive?  How would my trusted ehellions have responded?

Also, do I have an invisible sign on my back that says, "Please come tell me what you think of me?"
« Last Edit: September 23, 2013, 05:37:28 PM by weeblewobble »

Zilla

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6506
    • Cooking
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2013, 08:42:38 AM »
I was going to ask if you know this person.  Honestly I admire that you were even able to speak.  I would have gaped at her like who the heck are you and do I know you?

Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6692
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2013, 08:45:07 AM »
I think you handled it well.

On her second approach, I don't think I could have been as nice.

MorgnsGrl

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 770
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2013, 08:48:34 AM »
I think you handled it brilliantly.

menley

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 677
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2013, 08:55:05 AM »
I was going to ask if you know this person.  Honestly I admire that you were even able to speak.  I would have gaped at her like who the heck are you and do I know you?

Same here! I would have been too shocked to speak. You were absolutely not rude (and perhaps even a little too polite!) and this woman was unspeakably rude.

GrammarNerd

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 569
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2013, 08:57:09 AM »
My first thought was to say something like, "And WHY exactly do I need to allow you to give me orders about what I wear?  I don't even KNOW you!"

SleepyKitty

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 576
  • Quid plura?
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2013, 08:57:21 AM »
I think your first answer was perfect. I have to be honest, on the second approach, I probably would have been firmer. A stranger, trying to tell me what I should and shouldn't wear? I would have said something like, "I'm not interested in your opinion, leave me alone." Not aggressively, or in a nasty tone of voice, but firmly. Any contact after that and I would have found an employee and informed them that I was being harassed by another customer.

spookycatlady

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 423
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #7 on: September 19, 2013, 08:57:37 AM »
Even the "I'm sorry you feel that way" was completely appropriate.  You *were* sorry she felt that way, because it was intrusive and rude on her part.  It wasn't a apologetic sorry, but a regretful sorry.

Gold stars from over here.  You were polite, calm, didn't escalate the situation, and didn't engage with her beyond being tolerant.

You had lots of room in your choice of reactions: from silence to snark to argumentative.  Instead you were a perfect etiquette duck.

Personally, as a short woman, I always look at tall women who rock the heels with admiration and a little envy.  Even in my tallest of shoes, I still hear short jokes.

I think in your shoes (hur hur), I would like to have reacted similarly.

bopper

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12466
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2013, 09:03:36 AM »

When the woman saw that I was trying on more high heels, she said, "I just said you shouldn't wear such high heels, why are you ignoring me?"

Me: "Because they are my feet.  I can get a manager if you are still having a problem."

RingTailedLemur

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2847
  • Rudeness is a small person's imitation of power.
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2013, 09:13:52 AM »
Wow.

OP you handled it perfectly.  How horribly rude of that woman!

cicero

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 17915
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2013, 09:15:07 AM »
You showed so mmuch more restraint than I would have. Wow that lady had a pair! Giving you unasked for 1950s advice and then getting mad at *you*? Sheesh

You did fine. I probably wouldn't have been that nice on the ssecond round, but you handled it like a lady.

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools

Coralreef

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2312
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #11 on: September 19, 2013, 09:15:39 AM »
The rude part is no pictures of the shoes.   ;)  I LOVE high heels.

OP, you handled that perfectly.  I will use a similar phrase, but I've never had anyone come at me for a second serving.  She really wanted you out of those shoes.


[/right

scotcat60

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 485
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #12 on: September 19, 2013, 09:21:36 AM »
When the woman saw that I was trying on more high heels, she said, "I just said you shouldn't wear such high heels, why are you ignoring me?"


"Because it annoys the heck out of you of course!"

Apart from that, I think your response was perfect in all ways. I admire your prescence of mind. I doubt if I could have summoned such a polite reply.

AzaleaBloom

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 152
  • Help, I'm stepping into the twilight zone...
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #13 on: September 19, 2013, 09:22:05 AM »
You handled it great!  Something tells me there was an element of jealousy going on there.  (on her behalf, not yours, obviously!)

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 31351
Re: Shoe Shopping Ambush or "Ignoring your unsolicited advice is rude?"
« Reply #14 on: September 19, 2013, 09:24:45 AM »
ye gods--you're asking us if YOU were rude?

C'mon, you know better than that!  ;)

I think you did something wrong, though--the second time she said something to you, you should have stopped, looked annoyed, and demanded, "Do I *KNOW* you?"

Her answer would be no, and then you say, "Please leave me alone."

And turn your back.

Or, look annoyed and say, "Ma'am, you don't know me. Please don't speak to me again."

She was so rude it's not even funny--and you should really have put her in her place. It's not rude to firmly rebuff an intrusive stranger--etiquette allows for that, actually. And sometimes requires it.

If only for the sake of the next person she buttinski's with like that, I wish you'd been sharp with her. (Not that I have any *real* complaint, mind you)

(I love the "because they're my feet. I can get the manager if you still have a problem" approach.)

(Oh, and I love that you smiled at her--beaut! If you weren't going to go the "butt out, you don't even know me" approach, the smile was great!)

(as if women dress for the sake of men! Ha! if we did that, we'd all run around naked.)