Author Topic: Do you need to give a gift for a destination (and possibly non-hosted) wedding?  (Read 2927 times)

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AnnaJ

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I would also wonder if I needed to give a gift, but would probably end up feeling that I should.

If you decide to do so, what about an 'experience' gift in Las Vegas?  Some possibilities - a canal ride in the Venetian (there's a special 'romantic' version); a ride on the High Roller wheel (opens soon); a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon; or maybe tickets to one of the shows. 

Twik

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I would also wonder if I needed to give a gift, but would probably end up feeling that I should.

If you decide to do so, what about an 'experience' gift in Las Vegas?  Some possibilities - a canal ride in the Venetian (there's a special 'romantic' version); a ride on the High Roller wheel (opens soon); a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon; or maybe tickets to one of the shows.

Those are no less expensive than anything tangible they could give. A helicopter tour for someone who won't give me even cake and punch? Not likely.
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gellchom

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I agree 100% with everything Toots said (beautifully). 

Including the part about cards.  A printed greeting card with nothing much more than a signature is pretty meaningless except as a gift tag.  A card with a lovely, long note in it is a treasure -- but it would be exactly as meaningful on any other kind of stationery.  (If you're getting the feeling that the greeting card industry would die if everyone were like me, you're right!)  And I would mail it, not hand it to someone, the same as any other letter.

I, too, would buy this couple a gift, but perhaps spend a bit less than I might have done otherwise.

My opinion is colored by the fact that I agree that this couple is being very inhospitable not even to buy one meal for people flying around the world to attend their wedding.  I hope they will turn out to be treating.  I mean, they can spend on a trip to Vegas; how much more just to be minimally polite to a handful of people who have really gone out of their way for them?

I suspect that kind of feeling may be underlying this whole question in the first place .....

Eeep!

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I think that I would probably get a small token gift.  Or at least write a nice letter, not just use a card with my name signed in it. 
But I do agree that it is a bit much that the couple thinks it fine to have people fly from another country and then not actually  HOST them for anything.  Hopefully that will not actually be the case.

But I do think that even just a card is better than nothing.  I had a couple friends (we were just out of college) who came to my wedding and didn't even give a card.  I totally understood the no gift thing (just out of college) but even just a card would have been nice. (I keep all of my cards. because I'm crazy.)

I also think that it is less weird to just get a card when it is left on a gift table or mailed. But it is kind of weird when someone just hands you a card in person.  I never quite know what to do. heh.
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AnnaJ

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I would also wonder if I needed to give a gift, but would probably end up feeling that I should.

If you decide to do so, what about an 'experience' gift in Las Vegas?  Some possibilities - a canal ride in the Venetian (there's a special 'romantic' version); a ride on the High Roller wheel (opens soon); a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon; or maybe tickets to one of the shows.

Those are no less expensive than anything tangible they could give. A helicopter tour for someone who won't give me even cake and punch? Not likely.

The ideas I listed come at a variety of prices, some as low as $20, and the expense isn't the issue - I was responding to other people who suggested giving a souvenir gift from Las Vegas but wondered how to deal with the packing issue. 

Do I think that the bride and groom should at least host a dinner for their guests?  Absolutely.  Should the OP and her partner base their behavior on that of the couple?  That seems to be the question.   

LifeOnPluto

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I know that people can have any wedding they choose and guests have the choice to attend or not but let me get this straight, they're having a wedding in Vegas, inviting people from O/S and they're not having any kind of reception afterwards? No refreshments except those the guests pay for themselves? Did they not expect people to attend their wedding? It seems a little off to me that nothing is being provided for the guests.

aussie_chick, that is correct. We are all from Australia. My friend and her fiance have had this USA trip planned for months. Then he proposed, and they figured "why not get married in Vegas while we're there?"

That said, they completely understand if people don't attend their wedding. In fact, the invitation we received actually read "You are invited to celebrate our special day, but we will understand if you can't make it."

A couple of friends could only get one week off, and my friend and her fiance actually told them not to waste their annual leave travelling all the way to the USA for only a week!


Yes, normally, you give a gift to indicate your feelings towards the couple, not as recompense for the invitation.

However, I'm a little  :o at someone who has invited friends from as far away as Australia, and will not even pick up the cheque for a restaurant meal for them to celebrate afterwards. I'd be miffed enough to make my gift a very small one.

I'm wondering if the couple do, in their minds, intend on taking people out to dinner they simply haven't communicated it because they don't have a firm idea of who/how many are coming and also because they are simply not planners, and its a more off the cuff type situation and they plan to play it by ear... so they just aren't saying anything yet.

WillyNilly, there are eight people flying over for this wedding (including DF and myself). The HC - while lovely people - aren't exactly great planners. So who knows what will happen? The actual ceremony is taking place on a Monday at 11am, so it's not exactly a "meal time". But I guess we'll see what happens.  :)

I really like the idea of giving them a nice photo. I know they aren't having an official photographer (or indeed, any services apart from the celebrant - as I said, it's a really casual wedding) and DF and I are both keen amateur photographers. We might take some photos and put them together in a nice album or frame, to give them when we're all back in Australia.




White Lotus

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Great idea, Life on Pluto!