Author Topic: Tell Your Husband...  (Read 4098 times)

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jibby

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Re: Tell Your Husband...
« Reply #15 on: October 02, 2013, 03:20:10 PM »
I get this a lot for DH.  I don't forward messages or pass along most things and I'm politely upfront with people who ask me to do so. Don't forward messages unless you want the behavior to continue.  Just respond, "sorry, but that's DH's area, wish I could help but you'll have to ask (or follow up with) him".  If they persist, give a sympathetic nod and change the subject. 

bopper

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Re: Tell Your Husband...
« Reply #16 on: October 02, 2013, 09:37:48 PM »
"That is a question for Coach OP...I don't want to be a bottleneck so it is best you ask him directly.  How are the cheerleaders looking this year?"

miranova

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Re: Tell Your Husband...
« Reply #17 on: October 02, 2013, 09:45:01 PM »
Hmmm...this one is tricky because I think eventually I WOULD find out the answer myself if the co-coach wasn't my husband.  If he wasn't answering his emails, I would feel a little bad for her having to keep asking and I'd find out the answer and let her know.  But I admit there is something about it being your husband that somehow makes the question more...irritating.  I guess I wonder whether she would even be asking you twice if that weren't the case.  Like, she expects you to "get him in line" and make him answer his emails or something.  And that's something I wouldn't want to be doing.

SoCalVal

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Re: Tell Your Husband...
« Reply #18 on: October 03, 2013, 02:44:55 PM »
"You'll have to email [Husband] about that - it's not really my field."

One of my friends had to do this to me a while back - I was thinking of her and her husband as a social unit, so I didn't realize how often I saw her and it reminded me of something I needed to ask him about (usually for a hobby group he and I share but she has no interest in).  I had just gotten in the habit of seeing her and saying "What does your husband do with X?" or "Could you ask your husband Y?"

It stung a bit that she had to ask me to knock it off, but mostly that was because I was embarrassed to have been doing it in the first place  :-[

I used to get this a lot when my mom and I worked for the same area of the company and I still lived at home.  People saw nothing wrong with saying, "Hey, when you see your mom, could you ask her __________ or tell her ___________?"  I flat out said no.  I said I keep a strict separation between work and home and will not cross the line in order to convey anything for them nor would I accept any information given to her to convey to me.  I stated that we were not paid once we left the company so it was unreasonable to expect us to continue working once we got home.  The people in my department understood this, but one of our area admins refused to accept this and told me I was being difficult.  I didn't care and stood firm.  She had no choice.  She actually asked me how she was to get some paperwork to my mother if I refused to be the courier.  I told her I didn't know but that it wasn't my responsibility to take care of it (seriously, not getting paid to do this and, given how much I hated working for that company and what shysters they were/are, I wasn't benefiting in any way by doing them any favors).



EllenS

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Re: Tell Your Husband...
« Reply #19 on: October 03, 2013, 03:15:40 PM »
Hmmm...this one is tricky because I think eventually I WOULD find out the answer myself if the co-coach wasn't my husband.  If he wasn't answering his emails, I would feel a little bad for her having to keep asking and I'd find out the answer and let her know. 

See, I wouldn't.  I would assume that finding out the answer from another source was HER job, not mine.  She can ask the assitant principal, or whoever, just as well as I can.

Now, if I A) actually knew the answer, or B) Knew or strongly suspected someone else might know, I would give her that info.  But I would not take it upon myself to do research.

LEMon

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Re: Tell Your Husband...
« Reply #20 on: October 03, 2013, 03:29:54 PM »
Something caught my eye - if it genuinely has just been 4-5 hours (and especially if your DH works and this is during work hours), that may be something you need to address.  She needs to have an understanding that just because she wants the answer now doesn't mean she gets it now.  Volunteers have other things to do (like work) and will answer the questions when they can, not when she asks.

If there are other people who can answer her during the day, particularly people who are paid to do so, I would direct her to them if she needs the answer now.

SoCalVal

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Re: Tell Your Husband...
« Reply #21 on: October 03, 2013, 03:31:00 PM »
This story reminds me I used to have the opposite problem (at same terrible company).  There was a guy who regularly needed specific information from me, but he wouldn't call me directly or even ask to speak to me.  He would call my coworker's desk so he could talk/flirt with her and ask CW to ask me for the information (my desk was next to hers).  I would tell her then she would tell him.  I didn't think anything of it the first or second time.  By the third time it happened, I was starting to get really annoyed because I thought, "And you refuse to ask me directly, why???"  I said something to my manager about it.  I said I had no problem if he wanted to talk to CW but, then, make CW responsible for gathering the info as I thought it really unprofessional to not even bother asking me directly so that he'd have an excuse to call CW.  My manager thought it unacceptable as well so not only did he stop calling CW but he never contacted me for the info either.  I have no idea how they received the info after that but, at least, I was no longer expected to play the game of "telephone" at work.



Carotte

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Re: Tell Your Husband...
« Reply #22 on: October 03, 2013, 03:55:34 PM »
I personally think that she's asking you again (after emailing your husband but not getting an answer yet) because you are husband and wife and have a special psychic connection and of course if she asked him he told you everything and now you know it too.
Ok, that going a bit far, but she might expect that you too will communicate more often and maybe sooner between you than with someone else.
It's understandable if she emails on a Friday night and then see you first thing on Monday, like 'hey, did you husband say anything to you about what I emailed him last week?".
It's bordering on harry potter business if she expect you to tap into your husband's brain in the middle of the day.
So for every "your husband hasn't messaged me back, what's the answer?" you rinse and repeat with "I don't know either, it's not the kind of issue we talk about so you'll just have to wait for him to answer" or "I haven't heard from him/I've been stuck at work all day/I don't know more than you do"...

bopper

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Re: Tell Your Husband...
« Reply #23 on: October 04, 2013, 11:29:20 AM »
The other thing you could do is tell your DH that people are coming to you because he is not answering email for 4-5 hours...
You could ask him what he thinks about acknowledging that he got the mail and giving them an ETA on the answer?
You don't want people to get mad at you about issues you don't know about.