Author Topic: Childrens parties, infidelity and breakups - UPDATE P4 post 53  (Read 15259 times)

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Luci

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Re: Childrens parties, infidelity and breakups - UPDATE P4 post 53
« Reply #60 on: September 29, 2013, 10:36:46 AM »
Since you really can't do much about SIL, I'm wondering if you'll have fresh stories for the Know-It-All Thread.

Glad was party was good and the guest of honor had a day.

BarensMom

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Re: Childrens parties, infidelity and breakups - UPDATE P4 post 53
« Reply #61 on: September 29, 2013, 11:02:49 AM »
I'm glad that the party was drama-free, for your child's sake.

My fear is that SIL and Friend now think that you and your DH condone their infidelity.  So I have a feeling that you two will now be expected to host them as a social unit.

I'm sorry, but I think there are all sorts of wrong to that.

Lorelei_Evil

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Re: Ciildrens parties, infidelity and breakups - oh my!
« Reply #62 on: September 29, 2013, 11:41:43 AM »
Well, the party is over, I have a mountain of cupcakes left over, and .. it all went surprisingly well, actually!  Perhaps it was helped by the fact I was so disorganised and run off my feet to notice anything but the day seemed to be pretty much drama-free.

BiL didn't come - I didn't really think he would, but it would have been nice to see him.  We'll see abut having him over one of these days for cupcakes and gaming instead.

SiL and Friend came together.  They also gave a card, signed Friend, SiL and Friend's kids.  (SiL had told me on Friday that she and BiL had bought something for DS months ago, so the card, I thought was a bit  ??? )  Friend stayed with DH most of the day, manning the BBQ.  SiL brought her dogs, which I thought was another ??? moment as our property is not dog-friendly and there were small kids running around.  But given the recent events, forethought may not be one of her strongest characteristics.

BiL2 was in good spirits, so no dramas on that front.  Actually, the only thing that really bothered DH was his dad backseat-driving the BBQ and telling him how to cook.  (And for me, my folks trying to talk about planned renovations while I'm trying to do a zillion things at once).  One friend did FB-message me and ask what the deal was with SiL, but aside from that the topic didn't seem to be mentioned.  And elephant in the room, yes, but it wore a party hat and blended in.

Overall, a good day was had.  The weather was flawless, and the birthday boy had tons of fun.  And that's the main thing!

Thank you all so much for your insights and advice!  Who wants birthday cupcakes?

This woman seriously lacks boundaries.

She's busily rewriting her marital history, so she can tell herself she's the wronged party without pangs of conscience.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Childrens parties, infidelity and breakups - UPDATE P4 post 53
« Reply #63 on: September 29, 2013, 11:45:02 AM »
I'm glad that the party was drama-free, for your child's sake.

My fear is that SIL and Friend now think that you and your DH condone their infidelity.  So I have a feeling that you two will now be expected to host them as a social unit.

I'm sorry, but I think there are all sorts of wrong to that.

The camel's nose is under the tent.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Ciildrens parties, infidelity and breakups - oh my!
« Reply #64 on: September 29, 2013, 11:45:50 AM »
Well, the party is over, I have a mountain of cupcakes left over, and .. it all went surprisingly well, actually!  Perhaps it was helped by the fact I was so disorganised and run off my feet to notice anything but the day seemed to be pretty much drama-free.

BiL didn't come - I didn't really think he would, but it would have been nice to see him.  We'll see abut having him over one of these days for cupcakes and gaming instead.

SiL and Friend came together.  They also gave a card, signed Friend, SiL and Friend's kids.  (SiL had told me on Friday that she and BiL had bought something for DS months ago, so the card, I thought was a bit  ??? )  Friend stayed with DH most of the day, manning the BBQ.  SiL brought her dogs, which I thought was another ??? moment as our property is not dog-friendly and there were small kids running around.  But given the recent events, forethought may not be one of her strongest characteristics.

BiL2 was in good spirits, so no dramas on that front.  Actually, the only thing that really bothered DH was his dad backseat-driving the BBQ and telling him how to cook.  (And for me, my folks trying to talk about planned renovations while I'm trying to do a zillion things at once).  One friend did FB-message me and ask what the deal was with SiL, but aside from that the topic didn't seem to be mentioned.  And elephant in the room, yes, but it wore a party hat and blended in.

Overall, a good day was had.  The weather was flawless, and the birthday boy had tons of fun.  And that's the main thing!

Thank you all so much for your insights and advice!  Who wants birthday cupcakes?

This woman seriously lacks boundaries.

She's busily rewriting her marital history, so she can tell herself she's the wronged party without pangs of conscience.

All the while everyone else will know the truth.

Lorelei_Evil

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Re: Childrens parties, infidelity and breakups - UPDATE P4 post 53
« Reply #65 on: September 29, 2013, 11:54:59 AM »
Exactly.  My ex did it, and everybody but his parents bought it initially, but it unravelled on him pretty fast.

Petticoats

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Re: Childrens parties, infidelity and breakups - UPDATE P4 post 53
« Reply #66 on: September 29, 2013, 12:13:36 PM »
Between her blithely assuming it was okay to bring her lover, putting his name on the card, and bringing her dogs uninvited, it sounds like SIL is completely self-centered. She seems to do as she wants while expecting everyone else to fall into place obediently, regardless of their needs.

OP, I'm very glad the party went smoothly, but at some point I suspect SIL is going to have to learn that reality is not always going to shape itself to suit her--or not without consequences.

NyaChan

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Re: Childrens parties, infidelity and breakups - UPDATE P4 post 53
« Reply #67 on: September 29, 2013, 12:14:21 PM »
I'm glad the party went smoothly - I hope your son had a good time and remembers it as a fun day!

VorFemme

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Re: Childrens parties, infidelity and breakups - UPDATE P4 post 53
« Reply #68 on: September 29, 2013, 12:20:11 PM »
"elephant in the room wore a party hat"  I am sooo going to steal that. 

Me, too, the mental imagery is just so perfect...my elephant is young, small (as elephants go), and the party hat is sparkly with snowflake designs on it.  The elephant may or may not be a slightly pastel shade of pink...that coordinates nicely with the sparkly snowflakes on the hat - SIL is wearing one, too.  At least, in my imagination - SIL and the elephant are wearing matching hats - and the dogs have sparkly pink collars on, too.  With rhinestone snowflakes hanging from the collar with their tags.  They've been vaccinated against frost bite...
« Last Edit: September 29, 2013, 12:22:18 PM by VorFemme »
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

gramma dishes

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Re: Ciildrens parties, infidelity and breakups - oh my!
« Reply #69 on: September 29, 2013, 01:43:49 PM »
...   

SiL and Friend came together.  They also gave a card, signed Friend, SiL and Friend's kids.  (SiL had told me on Friday that she and BiL had bought something for DS months ago, so the card, I thought was a bit  ???

Did this card accompany the gift she and BIL had purchased together, or was the astonishingly inappropriately signed card the only "gift" they brought for your son?

Miss Understood

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Re: Childrens parties, infidelity and breakups - UPDATE P4 post 53
« Reply #70 on: September 29, 2013, 07:49:35 PM »
"elephant in the room wore a party hat"  I am sooo going to steal that.
lol me too.

Fer - i'm glad it worked out OK. I have a feeling you are going to have additional stories to tell us...

I loved the "elephant in a party hat" line too!  Such a great image.  I'm glad it worked out.

Fer

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Re: Childrens parties, infidelity and breakups - UPDATE P4 post 53
« Reply #71 on: September 29, 2013, 08:20:16 PM »
Between her blithely assuming it was okay to bring her lover, putting his name on the card, and bringing her dogs uninvited, it sounds like SIL is completely self-centered. She seems to do as she wants while expecting everyone else to fall into place obediently, regardless of their needs.

OP, I'm very glad the party went smoothly, but at some point I suspect SIL is going to have to learn that reality is not always going to shape itself to suit her--or not without consequences.

You know, you're right - I do think SiL has, until now, lived a fairly charmed life.  Being the youngest child, and the only girl, my ILs have spoiled her somewhat, and she's been able to get away with a lot.  If she needed them, any one of DH's family would drop everything and drive halfway arcoss the state for her.  BiL adored her, and would get the moon for her if she asked, and compromised a lot to make her happy.

She can be warm, generous, and funny, but also highly inappropriate.  If the Karmic Bus hits her, it's not going to be pretty.

I was most annoyed about the dogs.  I understand they're her fur babies, but we'd had no warning, my frail, elderly grandmother was there, and there were lots of very small children toddling around.  It could have been disastrous.  At least she kept them on leads and away from the kids for the duration of the party.

I want to clarify one thing:
...
Clearly the reality of cheating on two spouses and most likely breaking up a family with kids has not set in for SIL.

Friend was single prior to this, and his children live primarily with his ex.  DH and I have hosted Friend and his children, so we do know them - actually, I was half expecting him to bring his youngest with him.  The card was written in Friend's handwriting; the gifts from SiL and BiL placed on the table seperately (no card, so I can only assume SiL placed it there but given the nature of the gift, it had BiL all over it!) 

...   

SiL and Friend came together.  They also gave a card, signed Friend, SiL and Friend's kids.  (SiL had told me on Friday that she and BiL had bought something for DS months ago, so the card, I thought was a bit  ???

Did this card accompany the gift she and BIL had purchased together, or was the astonishingly inappropriately signed card the only "gift" they brought for your son?

The card-but-no-gift didn't really bother me, as I did stress in the invitations that nobody should feel obligated to bring a gift (slightly tacky, I know, but some of our friends are less well-off than we are and I did not want them to feel that they were invited as a gift-grab or that they had to spend money they may not have on DS.)

I'm glad that the party was drama-free, for your child's sake.

My fear is that SIL and Friend now think that you and your DH condone their infidelity.  So I have a feeling that you two will now be expected to host them as a social unit.

I'm sorry, but I think there are all sorts of wrong to that.

Funny you should say that.  While SiL and I were working on the cake last Friday (in which the atmosphere was slightly awkward and she was texting Friend whenever she had a hand free), Friend called in after work.  It seemed to both DH and me that it was a test, to see how we would treat them as a social unit and in the one room.  We rose to the challenge and were perfectly civil to both - as we would have done prior to this - and ignored any overt references to the festive elephant in the corner. 

(I kind of want to buy SiL a small figurine of an elephant in a party hat, but I think it would be over her head.  Maybe I'll buy one for me, anyway :D)

What's hard for me is that I do genuinely like all the players in this drama individually.  I want them all to be happy, but it's hard to reconcile that with how I feel about the situation.

Tea Drinker

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Re: Childrens parties, infidelity and breakups - UPDATE P4 post 53
« Reply #72 on: September 29, 2013, 09:35:57 PM »
Between her blithely assuming it was okay to bring her lover, putting his name on the card, and bringing her dogs uninvited, it sounds like SIL is completely self-centered. She seems to do as she wants while expecting everyone else to fall into place obediently, regardless of their needs.

OP, I'm very glad the party went smoothly, but at some point I suspect SIL is going to have to learn that reality is not always going to shape itself to suit her--or not without consequences.

You know, you're right - I do think SiL has, until now, lived a fairly charmed life.  Being the youngest child, and the only girl, my ILs have spoiled her somewhat, and she's been able to get away with a lot.  If she needed them, any one of DH's family would drop everything and drive halfway arcoss the state for her.  BiL adored her, and would get the moon for her if she asked, and compromised a lot to make her happy.

She can be warm, generous, and funny, but also highly inappropriate.  If the Karmic Bus hits her, it's not going to be pretty.

I was most annoyed about the dogs.  I understand they're her fur babies, but we'd had no warning, my frail, elderly grandmother was there, and there were lots of very small children toddling around.  It could have been disastrous.  At least she kept them on leads and away from the kids for the duration of the party.

I want to clarify one thing:
...
Clearly the reality of cheating on two spouses and most likely breaking up a family with kids has not set in for SIL.

Friend was single prior to this, and his children live primarily with his ex.  DH and I have hosted Friend and his children, so we do know them - actually, I was half expecting him to bring his youngest with him.  The card was written in Friend's handwriting; the gifts from SiL and BiL placed on the table seperately (no card, so I can only assume SiL placed it there but given the nature of the gift, it had BiL all over it!) 

...   

SiL and Friend came together.  They also gave a card, signed Friend, SiL and Friend's kids.  (SiL had told me on Friday that she and BiL had bought something for DS months ago, so the card, I thought was a bit  ???

Did this card accompany the gift she and BIL had purchased together, or was the astonishingly inappropriately signed card the only "gift" they brought for your son?

The card-but-no-gift didn't really bother me, as I did stress in the invitations that nobody should feel obligated to bring a gift (slightly tacky, I know, but some of our friends are less well-off than we are and I did not want them to feel that they were invited as a gift-grab or that they had to spend money they may not have on DS.)

I'm glad that the party was drama-free, for your child's sake.

My fear is that SIL and Friend now think that you and your DH condone their infidelity.  So I have a feeling that you two will now be expected to host them as a social unit.

I'm sorry, but I think there are all sorts of wrong to that.

Funny you should say that.  While SiL and I were working on the cake last Friday (in which the atmosphere was slightly awkward and she was texting Friend whenever she had a hand free), Friend called in after work.  It seemed to both DH and me that it was a test, to see how we would treat them as a social unit and in the one room.  We rose to the challenge and were perfectly civil to both - as we would have done prior to this - and ignored any overt references to the festive elephant in the corner. 

(I kind of want to buy SiL a small figurine of an elephant in a party hat, but I think it would be over her head.  Maybe I'll buy one for me, anyway :D)

What's hard for me is that I do genuinely like all the players in this drama individually.  I want them all to be happy, but it's hard to reconcile that with how I feel about the situation.

Rather OT, but if you find a good source elephant-in-party-hat figurines, please post a link.
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PastryGoddess

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Re: Childrens parties, infidelity and breakups - UPDATE P4 post 53
« Reply #73 on: September 29, 2013, 09:44:06 PM »
You can like the people without liking the situation.  I think the most important thing is making it clear that you won't be manipulated by anyone.  whether that's BIL or SIL.  I also think being a little selfish may be called for as well.  You may need to run any interaction with them through the "How do I feel about this" filter.  If that means they get their feelings hurt because of it...oh well. but getting in the middle of an exploding relationship is nothing but bad news.

I like the idea of tiny elephant in a party hat.  Maybe you could keep it in the living room or kitchen so you always see it and giggle a bit.

LadyJaneinMD

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