I can't afford to pay them the amount they want for rent and move out, but I know from the budget that they are counting on that extra income. ... I don't want to sound like I'm issuing an ultimatum of "If you don't move, I won't pay you". But I think they should know that if they do stay here, they need to prepare for the fact that I won't be staying. I can still pay them some money if they stay and I move out, but not as much.
I'm sorry, are you actually saying that you would be willing to pay your parents a stipend after you move out on your own?? Oh hell no! Don't even think about doing such a thing!!
You have absolutely no obligation
to support your parents, who are fully capable adults. They may be making stupid decisions, but that's not your fault nor your problem.
You've grown up, of course you're going to move out on your own, and support yourself, just as they did when they grew up
. Just because your dad is making some cockamamie plans whereby you spend the rest of their lives living w/ them and paying rent while his parents sponge off them, doesn't mean you have to go along w/ it!
Here's the thing: your parents had a child (you) and were morally and legally obliged to raise that child and support her and prepare her for adulthood. Now that you're an adult, that obligation is at an end. HOWEVER, it did not in any way create an obligation on the part of the child to spend her youth supporting them at her own expense. That's not how it works. If it were, then frankly no one would ever have a life until they were old and their parents finally dead.
As for the arguing, take yourself out of the middle. It took me many years to learn that my parents' relationship
is none of my business and not my problem. Their relationship
is bizarre and dysfunctional, and I used to struggle to understand it and listen sympathetically to their complaints, but I don't anymore. It's very freeing to realize that it's between them and there's nothing you can do about it so you shouldn't worry over it or let them complain to you. This is especially true in your case. Think about it: they're still treating you as a child--expecting you to live w/ them under their rules--and yet by complaining to you about each other they're actually treating you more as a peer. So, which is it folks? Am I a child to be bossed around or your friend to complain about relationships
over coffee? (The answer, of course, is neither.)
Take it from someone probably twice your age, who has learned the hard way how to deal w/ parents: Move out ASAP. Don't wait a whole year, for crying out loud. Whatever it takes to get your finances in order and get out, do it. And stop letting them whine to you about their problems. If you have to, start telling them your opinions. If nothing else works, that will probably make them stop the whining. It's no fun whining if you get advice instead of sympathy.