Author Topic: Nope, that person is still not here- updated with new question at end.  (Read 6785 times)

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scansons

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One of my husband's colleagues, is also someone that I have to deal with on a regular basis because of where our sons go to school.  This colleague, let's call him Bob, has known us both for over a year. 

Bob has legitimate reasons to e-mail my husband to check on scheduling issues.  It's a work thing.  I have nothing to do with it.  My husband's email is literally (job+husband's last name@emailprovider).  But Bob keeps e-mailing me his questions.  I have, five or six times now, replied with husband's correct e-mail, and a request that he e-mail husband directly about husband's schedule. 

My e-mail address is nothing like my husbands except we share an e-mail provider.  Bob never apologizes, and it never seems to occur to him, that getting e-mail from an administrator at your child's school in the middle of the day could be a cause for alarm. 

I know that this is a minor thing.  But it's frustrating.  If it happens again.  And all evidence is that it will happen again.  Is there something I can do that levels this up so he pays attention, or am I just stuck forever redirecting this person?  Cause right now I.would.really.like.to.redirect.him.  But that may be because he has several habits in the same vein that make me think my status as SAHM = free do be our slave anytime we'd like to Bob. 
« Last Edit: December 06, 2013, 11:12:14 AM by scansons »

lowspark

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2013, 11:56:51 AM »
Since you've already redirected him multiple times, I'd just stop replying to emails which are clearly meant for your husband. If he receives no reply, eventually he should get the message.

ETA:
Are you just replying to Bob something like,
Bob, please direct this email to DH at DH email @provider.com.
?
or
are you also including your husband on the reply so that his original email also gets forwarded to your husband?
« Last Edit: September 23, 2013, 12:01:38 PM by lowspark »

camlan

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2013, 11:59:19 AM »
I'd stop responding to his emails, if they are not about school-related topics.

Tell him once that you will not be responding to emails that should be addressed to your husband. Then open his emails to make sure they are not about your child, then trash them.

With time, Bob should come to realize that he isn't getting a response from you. And that should get him to email your DH. If they are work colleagues, Bob should have access to your DH's email address. If he doesn't, he can ask your DH for it.
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wyliefool

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2013, 12:03:02 PM »
What i used to do when ppl would email me instead of the person w/ a slightly different spelling of the same name at my job was to keep a form email in my 'drafts' folder. it said essentially 'You probably meant to email X, at [email addy]. My name alphabetizes before hers in the global address folder. To prevent this from happening in future, I suggest [process for adding the person into their local address book].' Then anytime I got an email for my doppelganger i replied w/ this boilerplate. This worked better than just forwarding the emails, since doing that didn't alert the sender of the probelm so they kept doing it.

I did have one person send a snippy reply along the lines of 'I know how to use email, thanks' and then the next day they sent me another email meant for my doppelganger.  ::) But most people sorted themselves out.

The important thing is NOT  to forward the emails or in any way act as a go-between. If you do that the issue will never, ever go away.

menley

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2013, 12:12:30 PM »
I had this happen once with someone who didn't clear out their email auto-complete list, so every time she typed in "me", for example, "menley@wrongaddress.com" would automatically pop up and she'd just hit enter. She would always ignore the bounced back e-mails and then get mad at me for not responding to her e-mail that I never got :) Is it possible that Bob is doing something similar? For example, just typing in the last name and your e-mail comes up first instead of your husband's?

Regardless of why it's happening, I agree with the others that you should just read the e-mail to make sure it's not directed to you and delete it. Once Bob realizes that you are no longer going to play secretary for him, he'll change his behavior.

Twik

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2013, 12:14:19 PM »
Can you call Bob and ask him directly to stop? I suspect your replies by e-mail are sort of getting the "my eyes glaze over" treatment. *Hearing* you say it may sink in.
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TootsNYC

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2013, 12:14:33 PM »

  Bob never apologizes, and it never seems to occur to him, that getting e-mail from an administrator at your child's school in the middle of the day could be a cause for alarm. 

I know that this is a minor thing.  But it's frustrating.  If it happens again.  And all evidence is that it will happen again.  Is there something I can do that levels this up so he pays attention, or am I just stuck forever redirecting this person?  Cause right now I.would.really.like.to.redirect.him.  But that may be because he has several habits in the same vein that make me think my status as SAHM = free do be our slave anytime we'd like to Bob.

Of course you should redirect him!

I would call him the next time he sends you something. Insist on speaking to him, "He just emailed me."

And say, "Bob, you just sent an email tot he wrong address. You should have sent it to my husband's work email, not to my personal one. Would you delete my personal email from your address book, or whatever it takes to keep it from popping up automatically?
    "It's very alarming to get an email from you at the school--I immediately think something must have happened to one of the children.
    "And of course, it's frustrating to have to forward these emails along. Plus, DH doesn't see them right away."

If that doesn't work (try it twice), I think you can do a couple of different things. Don't forward it to until the next day (hey, you don't check your email as often anymore). Or call back in alarm: "I just got an email from Bob--are my children okay? Did something happen to them? Why did he email me? I got so scared, I didn't open it! I just called." Well, no, maybe not.
   But maybe DO call him every single time he emails you incorrectly and say, "Bob, you sent this to the wrong email. Please don't do that anymore--please do whatever it takes to send it to the right email." Every time, not just twice. Provide him with a *polite* "negative consequence," and maybe he'll stop.

CakeBeret

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2013, 12:16:07 PM »
Personally, I would set up a rule in your email system to automatically forward any emails from Bob to your husband. I know in Gmail it would only take a few minutes to set up.

Should you *have* to? No, of course not, and Bob is being an inconsiderate bottom for doing this. But, for me at least, an auto-forward would be the least annoying way to get rid of the problem.
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

TootsNYC

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2013, 12:17:14 PM »
Does Bob *ever* have a reason to email you directly?

If it's an emergency, they're not going to rely on email, and besides it may be someone else who emails you.

If it's alerts about upcoming events, will those come from someone else.

What if you set up a filter that simply forwarded every email from him to your DH. Then, if something for you DOES go through, your DH can either handle it (hey, he's a parent too) or forward it back.

Might be less frustrating, because presumably Bob needs to contact you far less often.

(you can even tell him, "If you want me personally, you have to phone." But if he's also the type to think of you as being always available, maybe it would be good for him not to be able to contact you.)

TootsNYC

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2013, 12:17:43 PM »
And everybody keeps typing out my ideas faster than me!!  :'( :P


MrTango

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2013, 12:20:44 PM »
You've already replied to him several times with the correct information.  From now on, I'd just delete the emails.

TootsNYC

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2013, 12:35:12 PM »
Or, set it so that his emails get bounced back to him--is there a "block these emails" setting that also does that?

GratefulMaria

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2013, 12:35:28 PM »
OP, I was (probably hyper)vigilant about being reachable by my children's schools due to medical issues, so I can understand the response to seeing email from a school administrator.  I wouldn't want to automatically filter or delete his emails under these circumstances, but forwarding does leave a copy in your inbox.  Go with forwarding to your DH, open it to make sure it doesn't have anything to do with your children, and delete unless it's something useful to you.


scansons

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #13 on: September 23, 2013, 12:40:41 PM »
I will say, I'm not surprised that Bob keeps e-mailing me, and expecting my husband.  Other past e-mail escapades have included, e-mailing to all the parents involved in a project the wrong information, and then being bumfuzzled when people read his e-mail, and did as he requested.  E-mailing incomplete information to a group of parents, and then not answering any of the requests for clarification.   And e-mailing all the school parents information that only some of the parents need or want.  And he's my age, or younger.  And yes, he seems like he should be more tech savvy.  Who knows.   

I suppose I could filter him directly to DH.  But then I would miss all the fun reply to all threads he accidentally starts and never returns to when he e-mails all the parents, and confuses them.  I'd be missing out on a major social bonding event at school.  I'm kind of an outlier already.  I'd hate to do that. 

See, I really can laugh about it.   Maybe next time I'll just call out there and ask what he needed.  Because I saw the e-mail, but didn't have time to check it.  You know, being a busy SAHM and all.  That might actually solve the problem. 

Shoo

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Re: Nope, that person is still not here
« Reply #14 on: September 23, 2013, 12:40:47 PM »
I think one of the issues here is that this person doesn't seem to respect your time or what you've said to him.  It's as if he's not paying attention to you.  You repeatedly correct him and he repeatedly ignores you.  I would find that incredibly frustrating and disrespectful.  It's as if he's treating you like you are your husband's secretary.

I'd call him and tell him you can't be relied upon to forward his messages any longer, and from now on, any emails not intended for you, related to your child, will be deleted.  If he's got something he needs to discuss with your husband, he will HAVE to correspond with your husband directly.  Say it out loud to him.  Make it clear.  And then let the chips fall where they may.