I've been lurking on e-hell for several years but I really don't know the answer to this one. I posted a while back about my brother and his fiance having a baby shower for what is her third child and his first. The shower sort of became a moot point when the Peanut was born six weeks early, several weeks before the shower. He's fine, no lasting medical concerns, very handsome and chubby baby. His parents, though, another story entirely! My brother is a little...different... Always has been but this takes the cake!
First, Baby was six weeks early. They had nothing prepared (not unusual) but did expect my mom and I to foot the bill on some clothes, diapers, furniture, etc. Luckily we have an amazing second-hand baby store in our town so it wasn't too pricey. Which was good because he and his fiance destroyed the things we bought, no stain treating, no washing even. Not that I wanted it back or anything but he could have sold it back to above mentioned awesome baby store and used it to buy bigger things. My mom spent the first two weeks of Baby's life at the hospital and running back and forth for them, letting them nap, changing diapers, doing the awesome mom stuff she's done all our lives. No thanks, just slurs from fiance about how mom won't be allowed to babysit because she has outdated views on baby care. Honestly, my kids aren't that old and I hadn't heard of the "no water in the ears" policy!
Second, Brother and fiance got married a few weeks ago. Without telling anyone but my dad and step-mom. Excluding all family members. Then announced it on Facebook. He still hasn't actually announced it to any of us. I really don't like Facebook and absolutely can't stand when people use it to announce things they should be calling close family about first.
And third, Brother has legally changed his last name to something that has no business as a name and has nothing to do with family history. It's a random adjective, not Gramma's maiden name or something. My parents are very hurt. My mother is downsizing her house to move into a retirement community and has said that he's not getting any of the stuff she's been holding on to because it's for Brother "Smith" and he's decided he doesn't want to be that person. My brother is the only son, so he was the one to carry on the family name. Not hugely important to most people but it matters a lot to my Dad.
So my question is this: I am inclined to cut off contact with him and his wife for a while. I don't want to say things I can't take back and I think I need some time to cool off about how much he has affected my parents with his persistently selfish behavior. This is pretty out of character for him, so I also thought that by taking this step he would understand that he has affected others with his decisions and maybe learn a lesson or something. Am I justified in doing this? I don't want to miss time with my amazing nephew but I also don't want to grow to hate his parents. Any suggestions?