Author Topic: Give that to the birthday girl!  (Read 7428 times)

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Hmmmmm

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #30 on: September 25, 2013, 09:57:13 AM »
I think it was wrong of the girl to suggest Sally give away the cards. It was none of her business.

But had I been Sally, I would not have kept the cards. I planned the event to honor a friend. I planned to do it without expecting anything other than a thank you at most. Receiving and keeping the cards would have made me feel like a "home party" hostess, i.e. I'm inviting everyone to my house to spend their money on products they may or may not need in an effort for me to get free stuff. Even thought that wasn't Sally's original intent, it's what happened.

So I would have made it a door prize for the group.

What the salon owner should have done was to give the cards to her more privately. But I wonder if she did it publicaly to try and encourage others to organize events as her salon.

VorFemme

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #31 on: September 25, 2013, 10:14:02 AM »
The polite thing to say is "how kind of you to take an interest" - the more natural thing to say might be along the lines of "go home and play Scrabble Solitaire".

Sally politely did NOT tell the Nosy One to buy the BG a gift card herself if Nosy One thought that the BG needed one so badly.

Nosy One just wanted to be able to say "and I made sure that you got these free services, dear BG, instead of selfish Sally" - not that Nosy One's insistence on what other people should do was any of her business and might have decided Sally not to run around with Nosy One in the future.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda - the events fell as they were reported and Sally knows that Nosy One will try to change things so that Nosy One feels that events happened the way Nosy One wanted them to.  So avoid Nosy One....
« Last Edit: September 25, 2013, 10:16:23 AM by VorFemme »
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Teenyweeny

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #32 on: September 25, 2013, 10:26:48 AM »
One thing I think would make the world a better place.

Before interfering, ask yourself the following question:

1) Does this situation affect me in any meaningful way?


If yes, then proceed.

If no, ask yourself a follow up question:

2) Is this so egregious that I can't stand by and watch it happen?

If the answer is still no, then mind your own business and give everyone involved the benefit of the doubt. At least 90% of all pointless dramas would be avoided if people just abided by these simple rules (statistics may have been made up).



cwm

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #33 on: September 25, 2013, 11:29:00 AM »
One thing I think would make the world a better place.

Before interfering, ask yourself the following question:

1) Does this situation affect me in any meaningful way?


If yes, then proceed.

If no, ask yourself a follow up question:

2) Is this so egregious that I can't stand by and watch it happen?

If the answer is still no, then mind your own business and give everyone involved the benefit of the doubt. At least 90% of all pointless dramas would be avoided if people just abided by these simple rules (statistics may have been made up).

I like this.

Also, I'm on Team Sally. The business owner thought it right to give her the gift certificates, nobody else has any right to dictate what happens to them after that. Sally was the giftee, the nosy person has no say in the matter.

Zilla

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #34 on: September 25, 2013, 11:51:20 AM »
I think the shop owners should have called Sally to a quiet and private area and then offered her the cards.  It's then up to Sally to give them away or not.  It would be a nice thing but in no way expected or rude not to.  Only way I would think it would be a tad odd if the birthday girl was the that picked the salon and let Sally handle the details.  Just maybe a tiny nudge in the direction of sharing the freebies with Sally.  But if I was Sally, I would tell her to keep them for all her work in planning for the party.  So a moot point.

Yeah, maybe the shop owner should have done it more privately. Maybe the shop was Birthday Girl's choice and not Sally's. Maybe maybe maybe.

Regardless of any of that, the it was absolutely none of this other person's business. The subject of the gift cards was totally between Sally and the shop owner. And no one else need bother themselves about it unless Sally brings them in on the topic.

Honestly, I don't see anyone as rude or even in the wrong in any way excpet the woman who remarked to Sally.


Precisely my point, the shop owner should have made the offer in a private manner and not during the party or in earshot of others.  And I never said anyone was rude, were you thinking of others and quoted my post instead?


lowspark

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #35 on: September 25, 2013, 12:09:11 PM »
I think the shop owners should have called Sally to a quiet and private area and then offered her the cards.  It's then up to Sally to give them away or not.  It would be a nice thing but in no way expected or rude not to.  Only way I would think it would be a tad odd if the birthday girl was the that picked the salon and let Sally handle the details.  Just maybe a tiny nudge in the direction of sharing the freebies with Sally.  But if I was Sally, I would tell her to keep them for all her work in planning for the party.  So a moot point.

Yeah, maybe the shop owner should have done it more privately. Maybe the shop was Birthday Girl's choice and not Sally's. Maybe maybe maybe.

Regardless of any of that, the it was absolutely none of this other person's business. The subject of the gift cards was totally between Sally and the shop owner. And no one else need bother themselves about it unless Sally brings them in on the topic.

Honestly, I don't see anyone as rude or even in the wrong in any way excpet the woman who remarked to Sally.


Precisely my point, the shop owner should have made the offer in a private manner and not during the party or in earshot of others.  And I never said anyone was rude, were you thinking of others and quoted my post instead?

What I was commenting on were the "maybes" of the situation.
- maybe the shop owner should have done it in private (mentioned in your quote)
- maybe the salon was BG's pick, not Sally's (mentioned in your quote)

And then the rest of my comment was just to say that the maybes were irrelevant to the main point that the transaction was only the business of Sally and the owner.

I wasn't necessarily disagreeing with anything you said, just building upon the idea of the maybes which I felt were incidental.

hyzenthlay

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #36 on: September 28, 2013, 10:24:21 AM »
Regardless of any of that, the it was absolutely none of this other person's business.

But in a small way it is.  Her money helped pay for the gift card. Had she and the other party people not come in, the gift card would not have been given to Sally.

Were it me, I wouldn't dwell on it, but I do think given the peer pressure that may have developed around the party that Sally should have door prized at least part if not all of the gift from the salon.

Like I said, it wouldn't be that big a deal, but I think it appears a bit selfish for Sally to keep the cards.

AnnaJ

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #37 on: September 29, 2013, 12:40:28 PM »
Regardless of any of that, the it was absolutely none of this other person's business.

But in a small way it is.  Her money helped pay for the gift card. Had she and the other party people not come in, the gift card would not have been given to Sally.

Were it me, I wouldn't dwell on it, but I do think given the peer pressure that may have developed around the party that Sally should have door prized at least part if not all of the gift from the salon.

Like I said, it wouldn't be that big a deal, but I think it appears a bit selfish for Sally to keep the cards.

If this had been pre-arranged - the salon owner would give Sally a gift card for arranging to bring in business - then I would have been a bit miffed as one of the participants, but from every sign Sally had no idea she would receive the card. 

I don't see it as selfish at all. Sally made the arrangements - contacted everyone, found a time and venue that the guest of honor liked and would work for the other participants - that may well have been a pain and time consuming. 

Presumably Sally gave the birthday woman a gift or contributed toward her salon services, so why should should she be expected to give an extra gift?   

Bijou

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #38 on: September 29, 2013, 02:29:14 PM »
You brought them a lot of business for which they showed their appreciation by giving you certificates.  I would keep them and enjoy them!
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lowspark

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #39 on: September 30, 2013, 08:47:12 AM »
Regardless of any of that, the it was absolutely none of this other person's business.

But in a small way it is.  Her money helped pay for the gift card. Had she and the other party people not come in, the gift card would not have been given to Sally.

Were it me, I wouldn't dwell on it, but I do think given the peer pressure that may have developed around the party that Sally should have door prized at least part if not all of the gift from the salon.

Like I said, it wouldn't be that big a deal, but I think it appears a bit selfish for Sally to keep the cards.

If this had been pre-arranged - the salon owner would give Sally a gift card for arranging to bring in business - then I would have been a bit miffed as one of the participants, but from every sign Sally had no idea she would receive the card. 

I don't see it as selfish at all. Sally made the arrangements - contacted everyone, found a time and venue that the guest of honor liked and would work for the other participants - that may well have been a pain and time consuming. 

Presumably Sally gave the birthday woman a gift or contributed toward her salon services, so why should should she be expected to give an extra gift?

This.
The other guests' money did not help pay for the gift card unless (and only unless) there was an arrangement between Sally and the owner which was entered into before the party was planned.
"Bring in 10 customers and we'll give you a $50 gift card."

But there is no evidence of that. She planned a party at her favorite spa, and the spa owners were grateful so they gifted Sally with the cards. And that is the crux of the situation. The cards were a gift from the shop owner to Sally. That means they are Sally's to do with as she pleases. And it also means that it's no one else's business what she does with them.

LadyClaire

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #40 on: September 30, 2013, 09:11:47 AM »
I think Sally was fine to keep the gift cards.

I've found it isn't unusual for a business you regularly visit to give certain perks or freebies. There's a secondhand shop I go to frequently. The owner has given me a pretty good discount before, because I buy so much from him and have sent several co-workers there who became regular customers as well.

The chefs at my favorite sushi bar have sent rolls that were on the house to me while I was having lunch with friends.

When I used to go to a particular store a lot, the manager would often swipe his employee discount card when ringing me up.

I seem to attract a lot of "freebie/discount" type situations, to the point that friends/co-workers mention how often I get those freebies and discounts. Doesn't mean I've made some sort of deal with the shop owners, and if I had a party/event at one of these places it wouldn't be because I was expecting some sort of bonus out of it. It would be because I knew the place had good service and would appreciate the business.

Danika

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #41 on: October 01, 2013, 02:09:02 AM »
I think Sally was fine to keep the gift cards.

I've found it isn't unusual for a business you regularly visit to give certain perks or freebies. There's a secondhand shop I go to frequently. The owner has given me a pretty good discount before, because I buy so much from him and have sent several co-workers there who became regular customers as well.

The chefs at my favorite sushi bar have sent rolls that were on the house to me while I was having lunch with friends.

When I used to go to a particular store a lot, the manager would often swipe his employee discount card when ringing me up.

I seem to attract a lot of "freebie/discount" type situations, to the point that friends/co-workers mention how often I get those freebies and discounts. Doesn't mean I've made some sort of deal with the shop owners, and if I had a party/event at one of these places it wouldn't be because I was expecting some sort of bonus out of it. It would be because I knew the place had good service and would appreciate the business.

I agree. You're bringing business to these places. I have a friend who gets a lot of freebies from restaurants. And I've gone to those restaurants with her, and enjoyed some of the free desserts. But I don't go to those restaurants without her (because she likes Italian food and I don't really). So she's bringing me, and my family and our money to these establishments. She should be the one to get the gift from the owners. If they gave me a coupon or a gift card, I wouldn't use them, because like I said, I don't go to those restaurants without her.

Daquiri40

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #42 on: October 01, 2013, 03:27:48 PM »
Poor Sally.  No good deed goes unpunished.  Or in this case, no good deed goes without scrutiny from someone who thinks they could have done it better, or without comment, or sticking their nose into it, or trying to take credit, or otherwise making the organizer feel like crap for something they didn't do.

EMuir

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #43 on: October 01, 2013, 03:59:11 PM »
This reminds me of an ugly situation that broke up a group of friends about 20 years ago.

We all (8 of us or so) attended a weekly event, and would meet early to line up for it to get good seats.  We were there every week and eventually the people who ran the event noticed it.  At the end of the year, they came up to our group and told us "We'd like you to have these free yearly passes" and handed one to me and one to my SIL.  They were obviously talking to us as a group of people.

My SIL insisted that they meant for HER ALONE to have the pass, and refused to share it.

I said that we should take turns using the remaining pass, but that I would keep it and bring it weekly instead of passing it around from person to person.  That worked for a few weeks until someone argued that the pass should be passed on each week, I had a pretty rusty spine at the time, and of course within a few weeks it was lost.

The sore feelings resulted in the group ceasing to meet and attend the event. 


Lynn2000

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Re: Give that to the birthday girl!
« Reply #44 on: October 01, 2013, 04:30:18 PM »
This reminds me of an ugly situation that broke up a group of friends about 20 years ago.

We all (8 of us or so) attended a weekly event, and would meet early to line up for it to get good seats.  We were there every week and eventually the people who ran the event noticed it.  At the end of the year, they came up to our group and told us "We'd like you to have these free yearly passes" and handed one to me and one to my SIL.  They were obviously talking to us as a group of people.

My SIL insisted that they meant for HER ALONE to have the pass, and refused to share it.

I said that we should take turns using the remaining pass, but that I would keep it and bring it weekly instead of passing it around from person to person.  That worked for a few weeks until someone argued that the pass should be passed on each week, I had a pretty rusty spine at the time, and of course within a few weeks it was lost.

The sore feelings resulted in the group ceasing to meet and attend the event.

Ooh, that's tough, though. I can see how the event organizers might not be able to afford free yearly passes for 8 people, or even recognize who was in the core group and "ought" to have the passes if it was more like "8 or so" people. But giving two passes when they knew the group was larger than that... Ouch. I think they could have thought that through better, and maybe given out two dozen "one time free pass" tickets instead, or something like that. On the other hand, some groups would have been better at sharing the passes, I'm sure.  :-\

I actually get uncomfortable with freebies because of issues like this. I feel like I've had situations where, say, the restaurant owner announces to the whole table that *I* am getting my meal free because I eat there so often... and everyone else has to pay for their meals per usual. I know the owner meant to be nice, but I feel really put on the spot, and sometimes the other people in my group act like I ought to pay for part of their meals or "get" them a freebie as well. (I can't remember a specific instance, but I feel like this has happened to me... maybe I repressed the details. :P) Usually when I start to feel like people at a restaurant/store "know me" I start going someplace else, just in case...
~Lynn2000