General Etiquette > Family and Children

When Your Level of Enthusiasm Doesn't Match Your Spouse's - UPDATE

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DH loves Halloween.  So much so that he decorates our front yard to look like a graveyard with zombies, severed heads, random scattered bones, etc.  It's quite a show.

Halloween has never been a big deal to me.  My participation is handing out goodie bags to trick or treaters and cooing over the itty bitties in costume.

He just doesn't get that I don't really care if Halloween happens or not.  Right around now I get a chorus of "How can you not love Halloween?!" (cue incredulous look).  This happens at least twice per day.

I've tried explaining that I don't like to be scared.  It makes me feel as if I'm going to faint.  I've also told him that growing up as a diabetic child, Halloween was not a big thrill since I couldn't eat anything I collected (I was allowed one item).

Either I've got to come up with a new way to make him understand or I'll have to bludgeon him with a shovel.  Suggestions?

Outdoor Girl:
Is there something you are enthustiastic about that he isn't?

'Honey, you know how I absolutely love underwater basket weaving and you don't?  Well, that's how I feel about Hallowe'en.'

I think this depends on why he is asking about your lack of enthusiasm.  Is he asking for help with his plans that you don't want to give, did you not give him the reaction he wanted to the things he is putting up on his own, are you not engaging with him when he brings it up in conversation? 

Maybe you could try focusing on Halloween as a thing that is awesome because it makes your husband so happy rather than looking at Halloween for what it is on its own (spooky, scary, not so fun for you).  "Dh, of course I'm happy that you are having so much fun - you do an amazing job with decorating every year.  I'm not interested in all the preparation or dressing up myself, but I am looking forward to passing out goodies with you and seeing all the kids' costumes.  That's how I celebrate Halloween."

"Honey, why do keep saying that to me? I've told you that Halloween is okay but I'm not as big on it as you are. Why is this a problem for you? I'm not trying to stop you from doing your thing, but it really bothers me that you continue to harp on me about not sharing your enthusiasm. Please just have your fun and decorate all you want, but stop acting as though there is something wrong with me, okay?"

Or you could turn it around on him. Start going up to him with an incredulous look and say, "How can a grown man be so excited about Halloween? Don't you have better ways to spend your time and energy?" If he's smart he'll realize why you're doing that and back off (maybe).

I would tell him he needs to call his doctor about his memory problems since we've been having the same conversation twice a day. I might genuinely be concerned about his memory.


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