Author Topic: When Your Level of Enthusiasm Doesn't Match Your Spouse's - UPDATE  (Read 17183 times)

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cwm

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Re: When Your Level of Enthusiasm Doesn't Match Your Spouse's - UPDATE
« Reply #90 on: October 25, 2013, 02:32:15 PM »
Sometimes you can talk something to death and all you achieve is to annoy the other person. BeagleMommy, good job. It can be much more effective to "lead someone to discover" your point via a short object lesson.

Unless they had just been talking about how he annoys her with constantly asking why she doesn't enjoy Halloween again, I seriously doubt he made the connection.  It just seemed she wanted to annoy him back which is rude and not beneficial to a healthy relationship.

Or she could easily have made it an object lesson by explaining that he had made her feel the same amount of frustration when waxing poetic about Halloween and constantly asking her about it. It's well within the realm of possibility, drive someone to the same level of frustration and then explain it to them that your frustration is similar.

But we don't know what they talked about after the music was turned off. I'm not going to call good job or rude just yet, because the conversation they had, and thus the context of the "win" is hugely important.

Joeschmo

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Re: When Your Level of Enthusiasm Doesn't Match Your Spouse's - UPDATE
« Reply #91 on: October 25, 2013, 04:02:58 PM »
Sometimes you can talk something to death and all you achieve is to annoy the other person. BeagleMommy, good job. It can be much more effective to "lead someone to discover" your point via a short object lesson.

Unless they had just been talking about how he annoys her with constantly asking why she doesn't enjoy Halloween again, I seriously doubt he made the connection.  It just seemed she wanted to annoy him back which is rude and not beneficial to a healthy relationship.

Or she could easily have made it an object lesson by explaining that he had made her feel the same amount of frustration when waxing poetic about Halloween and constantly asking her about it. It's well within the realm of possibility, drive someone to the same level of frustration and then explain it to them that your frustration is similar.

But we don't know what they talked about after the music was turned off. I'm not going to call good job or rude just yet, because the conversation they had, and thus the context of the "win" is hugely important.

The message I would hear is that my partner came up with a plan to try to annoy me on purpose so they could show me how annoying my natural behavior is.  I would be extremely hurt to receive this message although it would likely be effective because I would no longer trust my partner enough to share my enthusiasm the way I did before.  It might be a win for my partner but it wouldn't be a win for our future relationship.  Maybe I'm more sensitive than your husband and showing him how annoying he is could be a positive for your marriage.

Iris

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Re: When Your Level of Enthusiasm Doesn't Match Your Spouse's - UPDATE
« Reply #92 on: October 25, 2013, 04:49:58 PM »
Meh. My DH and I tease each other after the dust has settled on a disagreement all the time and we do fine. Different strokes. To us, in this situation, the DH messed up, BeagleMommy communicated her displeasure, the issue was resolved. Bringing it up again would be pointless and affect our relationship negatively.

However the person who messed up would be totally fair game for teasing for at least a month, though in our case it would be more likely to be "Would you like some salt?" "No, thanks" "FINE! I'll never ask you to enjoy food again!"  >:D

In other words, if BeagleMommy thought this was fine, it probably was.
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Twik

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Re: When Your Level of Enthusiasm Doesn't Match Your Spouse's - UPDATE
« Reply #93 on: October 25, 2013, 04:50:59 PM »
He's been told he's annoying, and hasn't gotten the point. His partner does *not* share his enthusiasm in the way he wants, and the result of her trying to tell him that in an adult way made him storm off proclaiming "I'll never do anything fun with you again."

I'm not sure "sensitivity" is an issue here.
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jaxsue

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Re: When Your Level of Enthusiasm Doesn't Match Your Spouse's - UPDATE
« Reply #94 on: October 29, 2013, 11:27:28 AM »
I'd agree with Girly. That doesn't seem like "winning" to me, that seems needlessly retaliatory and tbh a little childish.

I hope you guys can talk and get things sorted out in a way that makes everyone happy.

ITA.