Author Topic: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?  (Read 8517 times)

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #45 on: September 25, 2013, 05:54:27 PM »
I thought of another one, a vast difference in sleeping habits.  I am a morning person, and due to having to get up at 5:45 every morning of the week, even when I can sleep in, I still wake up before 8am.   I'm the sort who will wake up for a sunrise when I'm at the beach.   

Now I'm not the irritating sort of morning person who expects everyone else to get up when I do, but I do feel awkward when in a home where the guests will sleep past 10, because IME, it means having to wait till they wake up to get breakfast and coffee.
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cabbageweevil

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #46 on: September 25, 2013, 06:44:23 PM »


Realms of speculation-and-fantasising – well, after all, this is “Time for a Coffee Break”. I’ve mused now and again, re hosting, about the British journalist / author / pundit / television personality Malcolm Muggeridge (1903 – 1990). In this guy’s later years, he came to take extremely conservative positions over many things – including becoming a devout Christian, and latching very extremely onto Christianity’s often negative “take” on human sexuality. Muggeridge got the idea that sex was unpleasing to God / disgusting / frivolous / foolish – regrettably necessary for the purpose of procreation, but otherwise, utterly beyond the pale – he found the idea even of married couples having sex with each other for fun, revolting. Which notions he loudly trumpeted via the medium of television.

Except for this extreme bee in his bonnet, I gather that Muggeridge was a kindly and engaging fellow, and very interesting company – he’d led a fascinating life. Find self wondering about Muggeridge’s later years, when he and his wife (presumably they had mutually renounced sexual relations) lived in a pleasantly rural setting in the county of Kent, not far from London. Imagine him inviting friends to stay there, for the weekend or longer – with the caveat “there is to be no sexual activity under my roof – and your being married to each other, has nothing to do with that. You’ll be lodged in separate rooms.” Speculation going on from that – couples creeping from room to room in the middle of the night – if Malcolm got any hint of that, he’d usher them out of the door first thing in the morning, sending them home, and ending the friendship.  Married couples invited to stay with the Muggeridges, but demurring about the sex ban, and suggesting that they stay in a hotel in the neighbourhood, and get together with the M’s in the daytime – hearing from Malcolm, “filthy volupturaries, putting fornicating with each other, above my invitation to stay: invitation cancelled” – and thenceforth, Muggeridge demoting them from friends, to cold acquaintances.

I’m quite likely maligning here, the poor old guy, who’s no longer around to defend himself; but in the late 20th century, he earned himself a name in Britain, as “Mr. fanatically-anti-sex”.  As often – “monsters” in the public eye, are often much nicer “in their private and personal capacity” – but re Mr. M. and this particular issue, one wonders.

CakeEater

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #47 on: September 25, 2013, 06:57:02 PM »
I hate staying with just about everyone. They can have an amazing guest room, and be perfectly hospitible, and I still hate it.

I'm happy to stay with my parents, and accept staying with my PIL, but that's about it.

I just really dislike being in someone else's space, and at the mercy of their routines.

lilfox

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #48 on: September 25, 2013, 06:59:11 PM »
Oh, the pet odor/waste stories reminded me.  This is a moot point since I'm no longer friends with the couple in question, but the first and only time I stayed with my then-best friend and her boyfriend in their new home, I got to stay in the guest room as (I think) their first guest ever.  Except... the sheets weren't on the bed, just balled up on top of it, and although she told me she had washed them, it clearly wasn't recently.  That or they were still damp and had dried in a ball, but they smelled mildewy.  I also knew that the guest room mattress was her old bed, and (because she used to complain about it) that it was the scene of many a cat vengeance pee over the years.  So, mildew-smelling sheets that I put on by myself, over a mattress that had the lingering odor of stale cat pee, in a room also used for storage so it had very little walk-around space.  And later she got mad at me for making a comment about the smells since it insulted her hosting.

(I stayed out of loyalty, and also because I had no car and the nearest hotel was not convenient or within my budget for the trip!)

Even if our friendship had survived other issues, I would not have stayed there again unless she happened to mention getting a new guest bed!  And even then...

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #49 on: September 25, 2013, 11:01:48 PM »
This was told to me by my friend Lana.  I assume it’s true.

Lana went to visit an old friend, Delilah, in another state.  Delilah lived in a 1-room apartment, so they were sleeping in the same room.  Somehow Lana learned that Delilah had been doing online dating using Lana’s name :o.  In the middle of the night, Lana awoke in terror to hear a man urgently calling her name.  About 10 feet away, Delilah was doing the deed with some guy calling her Lana!  :o :o

Deal breaker.
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veronaz

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #50 on: September 25, 2013, 11:12:26 PM »
^ eeewwww.  ::)

Emmy

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #51 on: September 25, 2013, 11:42:45 PM »
I've had to stay in a hotel due to pet allergies.  I was planning on staying with a friend for a visit, but I was very allergic to their cat.  My eyes began swelling, my throat closing, and I sneezed uncontrollably.  I wound up getting a hotel.  Fortunately most cats don't cause that extreme reaction.

Like others have said, if at all possible, I would avoid a smoker's house, one with heavy pet odor, or a very dirty house.

Ideally, we would get a hotel if the person to bathroom ratio was too high.  Unfortunately my inlaws don't live close to a hotel.  They live in a house with 2 bathrooms, but one of those is in a bedroom and not accessible through the hallway.  When the whole family visits, if the inlaws are in the bedroom, that leaves one bathroom for 9 adults/teens.

Petticoats

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #52 on: September 25, 2013, 11:44:49 PM »
This was told to me by my friend Lana.  I assume it’s true.

Lana went to visit an old friend, Delilah, in another state.  Delilah lived in a 1-room apartment, so they were sleeping in the same room.  Somehow Lana learned that Delilah had been doing online dating using Lana’s name :o.  In the middle of the night, Lana awoke in terror to hear a man urgently calling her name.  About 10 feet away, Delilah was doing the deed with some guy calling her Lana!  :o :o

Deal breaker.

Oof. No matter whose name is being called, I don't want to be in the same room as a couple coupling. On a group trip I found myself almost in this unenviable position, but they halted at making out so I didn't have to take my pillow to the bathroom to sleep in the tub.

Twik

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #53 on: September 25, 2013, 11:55:32 PM »
^ eeewwww.  ::)

That may be why some people become anti-sex.  :o
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Tia2

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #54 on: September 26, 2013, 04:10:07 PM »


Ideally, we would get a hotel if the person to bathroom ratio was too high.  Unfortunately my inlaws don't live close to a hotel.  They live in a house with 2 bathrooms, but one of those is in a bedroom and not accessible through the hallway.  When the whole family visits, if the inlaws are in the bedroom, that leaves one bathroom for 9 adults/teens.

My parents house is like this, but they have no objection to their children using their en suite bathroom so more remote guests can have the bathroom accessible via the hall.  I prefer this since the room I use is next to the master, while access to the family bathroom is right by the door to the living room and you have to walk past the entrance hall to get there.

StarDrifter

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #55 on: September 27, 2013, 08:01:52 AM »
I stayed overnight with an ex-friend exactly one time, and in the space of 24 hours we went from being quite close to my being ready to give her the cut direct.

She lived in a two-bedroom unit with her small, yappy dog, but had enough furniture for a 4-bedroom house, all crammed in there. I'd only been inside the unit one time before, which was before she got the oversized couch, second queen-sized bed and 8-seater dining setting. This time I was staying with her because I was going to a concert with her in her city that night and it was cheaper (and easier, I thought at the time) to stay at her house.

I arrived two hours before we'd need to leave for the concert and was immediately accosted at the door by her dog which barked at me incessantly the whole time I was in the lounge room. We could barely talk over the thing, until she put it in the backyard at which point it would run the perimeter, come back to the glass door, see me, bark again, then run the yard again. So instead of constant barking it was once every 90 seconds or so. She spent the last hour before we had to leave fussing around with hair and makeup, talking on her phone to other people we were meeting at the venue and got snippy with me when she came into the lounge and I was on my phone playing a game - she'd been ignoring me for almost an hour, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, though resisting the urge to tidy up her cluttered and *dirty* kitchen was very, very difficult.

We went to the concert and it was great! I've been to see the band three times since.

Back at her house she explained that I wouldn't be able to sleep in the guest room on the new bed like she'd said initially when we'd organised the sleepover a few weeks earlier (when she'd bought the bed for the purpose of having guests) because her dog had decided it was his bed, so I'd have to sleep on the sofa.

Of course this meant that the dog decided this night that it had to sleep on the sofa and *literally* walked all over me every hour or so during the night. In the end I went to the bathroom and 'accidentally' shut it in there with it's crate and water dish (which lived in the bathroom - she left him in there when she was out).

In the morning she got up at six AM - we'd got back from the concert at 2, so I'd had maybe 2 hours sleep, between getting home so late and the dog jumping on me. She turned on every light in the lounge/kitchen and started to run her coffee grinder, so even if I had been properly asleep I definitely would have woken up.

She made herself a coffee and, without actually looking at or acknowledging me, went back into her room to drink it, closing the door behind her.

Three minutes later the door opened again and the dog came sprinting out and began to bite at my legs and she demanded to know why he'd been in the bathroom in the first place (there were two doors into the bathroom - one from the lounge and one from her bedroom, she'd clearly gone to the 'loo and found him). I told her that I hadn't noticed him follow me in there and she told me that it was 'cruel' of me to have left him in there 'all night'. (It would have been maybe an hour and a half, and like I said, his crate and water dish were in there and she regularly left him in there for whole days while she was at work).

I asked if I could have a coffee and she told me that she had none left - she was drinking the last of it so I'd have to go buy myself one from the coffee shop on the corner.

At that point I just pulled my jeans back on, picked up my purse and said 'thanks for the couch'. I folded the blanket I'd slept under - placed it on the end of the couch and put the pillow I'd bought with me under my arm.

She asked if I could bring her back a pastry and that was the last straw.

"Actually, I'm going home to get some sleep, I'll see you later."

I decided at that point to try an experiment and didn't initiate any contact with her - the friendship had been feeling a bit one sided for a while. Funnily enough the next time I heard from her was when a band she liked was playing in my city and she wanted to stay at my house with her dog.

I declined.
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weeblewobble

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #56 on: September 27, 2013, 09:49:04 AM »
I've never asked a guest to leave, but the reasons I might include:

-stealing from me/my DH/my kids

-intentionally breaking my/DH's/my kids' property

-injuring my kids

-drug use/drinking to excess


Reasons I have left a house where I was supposed to spend the night/weekend:

-Allergens.  I'm allergic to cats, like the moment I walk into a home with cats, I can tell.  My nose and throat start to itch and in a few minutes, I cannot breathe comfortably because of nasal drainage.  Knowing this, my friends with cats tell me ahead of time so I can take an antihistamine.  If I don't find out until I arrive, I'll take the antihistamine to try to cope, but if that doesn't help, I will leave.  It may sound rude, but I will not spend the night in a place that makes me hack and cough and wheeze. 

In high school, I was supposed to spend the night with a friend, Kate, who had several dogs and a cat living indoors.  She told me about the dogs, which I am not allergic to, but knowing how I react to cats, didn't tell me about the cat. This was compounded by the fact that her family didn't seem to dust or vacuum often.  When I walked in the door, I could see the dust and animal dander swirling around in a sunbeam.  I immediately asked for a Benadryll, but it was too late, my eyes and nose were running, my throat was itching and swelling, and I could.not.breathe.  I told Kate I wasn't going to be able to stay. Kate told me I was horrible friend and really rude to cancel out on an invitation over something as silly as allergies.  She and her mom were offended that I was implying their house was "dirty."

Embarrassed that I had hurt Kate's feelings, I tried to stick it out a few hours, but eventually, I called my mom to pick me up.  Kate and I weren't very friendly after that.

ETA: I don't know whether she neglected to tell me about the cats because she thought the allergies were all in my head or if she thought that I would be too embarrassed to try to leave once I got there, or that she could bully me into staying. Either way, it revealed a really manipulative unpleasant aspect of Kate's personality I wasn't aware of before.

-hoarding/filthy conditions

I have left a friend's house, where I was supposed to stay for the weekend in college, because the house was in the sort of condition you would see in a really bad episode of Hoarders.  Also the parents asked intrusive questions implying that I didn't have good moral character. For the sake of my friend, I was going to stick it out, but then I noticed the tiny flea bites forming on my ankles and called a friend who lived nearby and he let me crash on his couch.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2013, 09:53:40 AM by weeblewobble »

oogyda

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #57 on: September 27, 2013, 10:18:02 AM »

Ideally, we would get a hotel if the person to bathroom ratio was too high.  Unfortunately my inlaws don't live close to a hotel.  They live in a house with 2 bathrooms, but one of those is in a bedroom and not accessible through the hallway.  When the whole family visits, if the inlaws are in the bedroom, that leaves one bathroom for 9 adults/teens.

When my family (children, grandchildren) gathers at my house for Thanksgiving, we definitely allow access to the master bath which is only accessible through our bedroom.  Last year, my mom was here as well and due to some odd circumstances, YDD and SIL were given our bedroom (the master) and they allowed access as well.  It's kind of a given that no one is going to hog a bathroom. 
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

Lynn2000

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #58 on: September 27, 2013, 10:58:10 AM »
I went to another city for a few days specifically to visit my friend and stay with her and her DH. She had a cat, which was fine, and said she'd recently "gotten over" having fleas. Got there and, yup, started getting flea bites on my ankles, so I guess the cat wasn't totally over it. Oddly that wasn't even the most (bad) memorable part of the trip--at least the fleas didn't follow me home. The main thing I remember is that she had no food in the house so we always had to go out to eat, and she always ate later than I wanted to. And she would have been super-offended if I had gone out to eat by myself. It was after this trip that I always started bringing a box of granola bars with me on trips, so I could tide myself over at least. Also the bathroom towels had cat hair all over them. Just remembered that one.

ETA: The main thing I remember about that trip is being hungry, and also cold. She lived in a stereotypically "warm" place, but it was winter and it got cool at night, especially in my room with the wind blowing right at the windows all night. I asked for and received a couple of extra blankets, but then she said that was all they had, because they lived in Warm Place. Basically I was weird for getting cold, and weird for getting hungry and wishing there was food right there in the cabinet or fridge, instead of food only being available once everyone had showered, dressed, and was ready to leave the house. I would say those are two deal-breakers for me now.

Another friend I went to visit for the weekend in her new house. She and her DH have such fantastically busy lives that even on the weekend, I felt like I was dragged over half the county and I was exhausted by the time we got home. Then they wanted to play a board game. I begged off and went to get ready for bed. About ten minutes after I'd gone to bed, in their bonus room, the DH came in, flipped on the light, and spent several minutes perusing the shelves for a movie for them to watch. ::) They couldn't have done that while I was taking my shower before bed? The weirdest event we went to was a relative's birthday party/family reunion. My friend had promised we would just "drop by" and we ended up being there for over an hour because her DH wanted to stay. Everyone was really nice but had no idea who I was. And my friend and I didn't know if we should eat there or not, because she didn't know when her DH would be ready to leave, or if he'd want to go out to dinner after, or what. Awkward.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2013, 11:12:28 AM by Lynn2000 »
~Lynn2000

BeagleMommy

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #59 on: September 27, 2013, 11:17:57 AM »
I don't mind clutter, but downright uncleanliness is a deal breaker.  As are drug use, violence, uncontrollable animals or children, and loud romance.

The worst I encountered was when I was visiting a childhood friend and she insisted that my insulin and syringes needed to be kept outside in my car (in August, in 98 degree humidity).  Her reason?  She didn't want her six year old to think I was "using drugs".

Now, when I'm visiting people I always inject my insulin in the bathroom just for my own privacy.  I suggested she explain "medically necessary" drugs vs. "recreational drugs" to her child.