Author Topic: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?  (Read 8787 times)

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Thipu1

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #60 on: September 27, 2013, 11:32:29 AM »
I thought of another one, a vast difference in sleeping habits.  I am a morning person, and due to having to get up at 5:45 every morning of the week, even when I can sleep in, I still wake up before 8am.   I'm the sort who will wake up for a sunrise when I'm at the beach.   

Now I'm not the irritating sort of morning person who expects everyone else to get up when I do, but I do feel awkward when in a home where the guests will sleep past 10, because IME, it means having to wait till they wake up to get breakfast and coffee.

This isn't a deal breaker but it is an annoyance.  SIL and her DH will be visiting us for a few days.  They'll be sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room.  Only the pass-through separates the living room from the kitchen.  It's a pretty open space. 

We are early risers.  I'm normally up between 5:30 and 6.  They are not.  They wake up about 8 but don't actually get up until 9.  They like to 'snooze'.  This means they spend the time phoning their children and playing games on their I-pad.  We all wear t-shirts and shorts to bed so there isn't an embarrassment factor.  Still, I don't feel comfortable making coffee while they're still in bed. 

LazyDaisy

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #61 on: September 27, 2013, 12:04:13 PM »
I went to another city for a few days specifically to visit my friend and stay with her and her DH. She had a cat, which was fine, and said she'd recently "gotten over" having fleas. Got there and, yup, started getting flea bites on my ankles, so I guess the cat wasn't totally over it. Oddly that wasn't even the most (bad) memorable part of the trip--at least the fleas didn't follow me home. The main thing I remember is that she had no food in the house so we always had to go out to eat, and she always ate later than I wanted to. And she would have been super-offended if I had gone out to eat by myself. It was after this trip that I always started bringing a box of granola bars with me on trips, so I could tide myself over at least. Also the bathroom towels had cat hair all over them. Just remembered that one.

ETA: The main thing I remember about that trip is being hungry, and also cold. She lived in a stereotypically "warm" place, but it was winter and it got cool at night, especially in my room with the wind blowing right at the windows all night. I asked for and received a couple of extra blankets, but then she said that was all they had, because they lived in Warm Place. Basically I was weird for getting cold, and weird for getting hungry and wishing there was food right there in the cabinet or fridge, instead of food only being available once everyone had showered, dressed, and was ready to leave the house. I would say those are two deal-breakers for me now.

Another friend I went to visit for the weekend in her new house. She and her DH have such fantastically busy lives that even on the weekend, I felt like I was dragged over half the county and I was exhausted by the time we got home. Then they wanted to play a board game. I begged off and went to get ready for bed. About ten minutes after I'd gone to bed, in their bonus room, the DH came in, flipped on the light, and spent several minutes perusing the shelves for a movie for them to watch. ::) They couldn't have done that while I was taking my shower before bed? The weirdest event we went to was a relative's birthday party/family reunion. My friend had promised we would just "drop by" and we ended up being there for over an hour because her DH wanted to stay. Everyone was really nice but had no idea who I was. And my friend and I didn't know if we should eat there or not, because she didn't know when her DH would be ready to leave, or if he'd want to go out to dinner after, or what. Awkward.

Oh the cold thing...When I was a teenager, I remember staying over at a house that had the air conditioner on all.the.time year round and I was given only a sheet for cover because they were hot all the time and they just didn't have any blankets. I ended up getting up in the middle of the night to put on as many clothes from my suitcase as I could -- jeans with sweatpants over the top, 2 t-shirts, 2 pairs of socks. I may have even pulled one of the towels out of the bathroom to wrap around me. I was still cold.
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cheyne

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #62 on: September 27, 2013, 12:11:28 PM »
I don't stay as a guest in anyone's home except for my parents.  My standards for guest/hosts are just too high.  When I was young and single I would stay with family or friends, but since getting married and having children we have always stayed in hotels.

I do entertain overnight (or several nights) guests in our home.  We have two guest bedrooms and 3 bathrooms so there is plenty of space.  Freshly washed sheets/comforters and several pillows are on each bed.  I keep a fully stocked kitchen/pantry along with favorite beverages for my guests.  Every guest gets 2 fluffy towels to use for their stay, along with several choices of personal care products.  I'm up before the sun, but my guests can sleep as late as they'd like or stay up all night if they want since their doors shut and lock and there is a TV in the guest bedrooms. 

I am a smoker, but I have never smoked inside my home.  We do have two indoor cats that sleep with DH & me and are a bit shy around guests.  My home is thoroughly cleaned before guests arrive.  I enjoy cooking and entertaining for others, but never seem to get the same treatment in their homes (except for my parents).  That is why I always stay in a hotel.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #63 on: September 27, 2013, 12:26:03 PM »
I thought of another one, a vast difference in sleeping habits.  I am a morning person, and due to having to get up at 5:45 every morning of the week, even when I can sleep in, I still wake up before 8am.   I'm the sort who will wake up for a sunrise when I'm at the beach.   

Now I'm not the irritating sort of morning person who expects everyone else to get up when I do, but I do feel awkward when in a home where the hosts will sleep past 10, because IME, it means having to wait till they wake up to get breakfast and coffee.

This isn't a deal breaker but it is an annoyance.  SIL and her DH will be visiting us for a few days.  They'll be sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room.  Only the pass-through separates the living room from the kitchen.  It's a pretty open space. 

We are early risers.  I'm normally up between 5:30 and 6.  They are not.  They wake up about 8 but don't actually get up until 9.  They like to 'snooze'.  This means they spend the time phoning their children and playing games on their I-pad.  We all wear t-shirts and shorts to bed so there isn't an embarrassment factor.  Still, I don't feel comfortable making coffee while they're still in bed.

I had to edit cause I realized I said guests instead of hosts, but since we don't have a guest room and just a fold out couch for our house, I'm reluctant to host much.  The only ones we've hosted so far are morning people and are usually up a few minutes or around the same time as I am. 

Funny thing is, first time I spent a week at my best friend's house, I was rather pleased that we ended up waking up at the same time.  She's in the midwest, I'm from the east coast, so with the time zones, even with me sleeping in we still got up at the same time. :)
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marcel

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #64 on: September 27, 2013, 03:42:52 PM »
As an active couchsurfer i stay at other peoples places all the time. I find that i do have some requirements while searching for a host, these have mostly to do with perceived characteristics of the host though. As a guest, so far I haven't found anything that made me walk away yet though, and doubt I ever will.
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TootsNYC

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #65 on: September 27, 2013, 05:02:46 PM »
The only things that have driven us out have been an INCREDIBLY uncomfortable sofa bed or futon, or the presence of a mildly chaotic household (lots of little kids--either ours or theirs).


Lynn2000

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #66 on: September 27, 2013, 05:46:59 PM »
My parents were talked into spending a few days at a lake cabin vacation home with some friends, and ended up leaving after one night. I don't remember all the details now, but the cabin was much more rustic than they had been led to believe, and tiny too. The bed was very uncomfortable, and the stairs leading up to the front door were very rickety. It did have electricity and running water, but just barely... something like, lukewarm water at best and not much of it, and very few light sources that were all dim. The prospect of spending a long weekend there just did not appeal to them at all once they saw it. They cited the reason of my dad's bad knee in combination with the stairs, I think, and fled the next day. I was proud of them for doing that, because normally they are "stick it out" people, so the place must have been really bad.
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guihong

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #67 on: September 27, 2013, 06:52:51 PM »
The only time I had to leave a house as a guest was when visiting an old boyfriend's parents in college.  Both of them smoked like fiends, inside in January.  There was a fine haze of tobacco particles over everything.  After the first dinner, I took mine and my bf's dishes into the kitchen, rinsed them, and left them stacked in the sink per his mother's wishes.  My bf and I were playing chess in the family room when his father came over to me, whipped a dishtowel at me and said "You dry".  I don't mind helping, but his mother had told me what she wanted done.  I dried.

The next morning, when I asked bf's mother when it would be convenient for me to shower, she pointed to a dog hose attached to the kitchen sink and said "Use that".  She meant wash my hair there, of course. 

That was the day I told the bf "Oh look, there's supposed to be a big storm coming; we have to get back to school!" so his father would take us back (about an hour's drive, thankfully).



TheWeirdOne

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #68 on: September 27, 2013, 07:09:41 PM »
Just an aside to TheWeirdOne - I wondered if you used to frequent "The Lounge" on the Aussie MSN forums some years ago?  The name is the same, but the person may not be.

Nope, there must be two of us. I am an Aussie though!

cicero

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #69 on: September 28, 2013, 01:18:42 AM »
Another friend I went to visit for the weekend in her new house. She and her DH have such fantastically busy lives that even on the weekend, I felt like I was dragged over half the county and I was exhausted by the time we got home. Then they wanted to play a board game. I begged off and went to get ready for bed. About ten minutes after I'd gone to bed, in their bonus room, the DH came in, flipped on the light, and spent several minutes perusing the shelves for a movie for them to watch. ::) They couldn't have done that while I was taking my shower before bed? The weirdest event we went to was a relative's birthday party/family reunion. My friend had promised we would just "drop by" and we ended up being there for over an hour because her DH wanted to stay. Everyone was really nice but had no idea who I was. And my friend and I didn't know if we should eat there or not, because she didn't know when her DH would be ready to leave, or if he'd want to go out to dinner after, or what. Awkward.

This is very creepy to me. You were already in bed and the husband came in? If it was that important to get a movie, at the very least the wife should have been the one to go in your room . I live in a teeny ~700sq ft two bedroom/one bathroom/no guest room. The few sleepover guests get my bedroom and I get the LR floor air mattress. I make sure to take whatever I might need out before bedtime. Once people retire for the night, I feel it's *their* private space and don't go in there

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Redsoil

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #70 on: September 28, 2013, 05:26:40 AM »
Looks like there are two of you, TheWeirdOne.  Good choice of name!
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veronaz

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #71 on: September 28, 2013, 09:18:35 AM »
I agree that husband coming into the room after a guest is in bed to look for a movie or anything else is really creepy, and rude.

Bijou

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #72 on: September 28, 2013, 11:59:04 AM »
I'm an insomniac and because of it, a ridiculously early riser (4 or 5 am).
I worry about imposing on people space and privacy and really need my own privacy.
I would find other accommodations.

I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

veronaz

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #73 on: September 28, 2013, 12:37:43 PM »
Friend told me about the time she spent the night with a couple who she knew to be very quiet and demure.  No alcohol or tobacco in the house, and they only listened to gospel music.  Under the bed was a stack of dirty magazines which from the description would make a stripper blush.  Of course, they were under the bed but still.......they could have moved them ...guess they forgot.

White Dragon

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Re: What are your deal breakers as a house guest?
« Reply #74 on: September 28, 2013, 01:53:01 PM »
I read the whole thread and didn't think I had anything to add, but I realized that I do.

Two deal breaker issues - dirt and bathroom access.

First example is my cousin.
She is a wonderful person, a generous host and great company.
But she is not a good housekeeper and just doesn't see the dirt.

The only only time we stayed there, we were given the rec room and sofa bed as our space.
The room was very messy, with clothes, papers and general clutter everywhere.
When we opened the sofa bed, there were old chicken bones and fast food wrappers fallen down in it.
We brushed it off as best we could, put down as much bedding as we could and made do.
But we never stayed there again.

Bathroom access

I've told before of MIL's bathroom control issues.
I've come to realize that I really don't want to put up with it any more.

Issues include:
- not letting guests use the master bath, even with 8 guests in the house
- looking in the bathroom trash and questioning female guests on the status of feminine articles/matters
- suggesting guests use a bucket in the garage, rather than use the bathroom at night
- not allowing flushing at night
- asking men to kneel to use the toilet
- locking teens out of the house and making them walk a block to use the bathroom

I realize I just don't want to put up with it anymore.