Author Topic: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding  (Read 8180 times)

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thedudeabides

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #30 on: September 25, 2013, 02:03:12 PM »
I would rather stick my hand in a blender than go to something like that. "Did you hear what the grandparents are saying the almost-groom did? I mean, what kind of jer- His sister, you say? Oh, well, I've heard such great things about your brother!"

If there's ever a time when something is not about you, I think when someone else's life just fell apart is it.

zinzin

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #31 on: September 25, 2013, 02:06:30 PM »
I would see ot as tjem treating the people who had already gone out of theirway to dinner. Badically, if you want to do sometjing nice foreople tje homeless are great and I encourage it but if people you know have already been cost time and money by the whole thing, start with tjem?

The happy couple wouldn't have to be there, wouldn't have to be a "reception" but a nice nice meal.

I would like to think that anyone I would invite to my wedding would be more understanding than to be miffed because they missed out on a meal.

I would rather stick my hand in a blender than go to something like that. "Did you hear what the grandparents are saying the almost-groom did? I mean, what kind of jer- His sister, you say? Oh, well, I've heard such great things about your brother!"

If there's ever a time when something is not about you, I think when someone else's life just fell apart is it.

Yes. Exactly this.

lowspark

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #32 on: September 25, 2013, 02:17:05 PM »
Did I miss it or is everyone forgetting the third, and probably most common option. That is, to simply cancel the reception totally and forfeit the money. In other words, instead of party without wedding or party for homeless, the most likely choice for couples in this situation is no party at all. Which, for the guests, comes out the exact same way as party for the homeless. No party, plane tickets that can't be canceled, gifts that have to be returned, etc.

It's definitely a case of lemonade from lemons.

Sharnita

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #33 on: September 25, 2013, 02:19:21 PM »
My conversation skills are more evolved than that. Even at the wedding I wouldn't be talking solely about the HC or even mostly about them.

QueenfaninCA

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #34 on: September 25, 2013, 02:19:39 PM »
I think it's nice if you can afford it.  I, personally, don't know many people who could.  They'd WANT to, but practically speaking, there's no way a lot of people could afford to forfeit that money.  That said, I think it's wonderful that these particular people could afford to do something so nice.  I don't know that it makes them "classy."  Generous, yes.

It was non-refundable. So either you could afford it or you shouldn't have planned a more lavish wedding than you could afford.

Goosey

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #35 on: September 25, 2013, 02:24:37 PM »
My conversation skills are more evolved than that. Even at the wedding I wouldn't be talking solely about the HC or even mostly about them.

I just don't understand what makes someone entitled to a party at all?

This was just a party. A large scale party, yes - but just a party. Are hosts not allowed to cancel their own parties because their guest made plans? That would be awful.

Guests should file this under a "crap happens" life lesson and do something else with their time in town if they can't cancel or refund flights. 40 day notice should be enough for hotels.

Sharnita

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #36 on: September 25, 2013, 02:27:36 PM »
When some people have imvested literally hundteds taking the party and more or less throwing it for other people (and then getting lauded in the press) is what is a bit iffy for me. It certainly isn't "better" than other options.

cabbageweevil

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #37 on: September 25, 2013, 02:30:51 PM »
The more time I spend on eHell, the more strongly I feel that wedding celebrations should be abolished / forbidden. So much potential for disaster / contention / bad feeling / bitter quarrelling.  Let it just be a brief, totally dull official function with the couple, the officiant / registrar, and the one or two necessary witnesses.  A separate -- very simple, "bare-bones" -- religious ceremony, for those who wish for one.  Let any celebrating "over-and-above", be totally ad hoc and informal. If I were a country's dictator, that's what I'd decree and enforce -- I do feel that it would significantly reduce life's overall misery-content.

esposita

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #38 on: September 25, 2013, 02:31:38 PM »
Did I miss it or is everyone forgetting the third, and probably most common option. That is, to simply cancel the reception totally and forfeit the money. In other words, instead of party without wedding or party for homeless, the most likely choice for couples in this situation is no party at all. Which, for the guests, comes out the exact same way as party for the homeless. No party, plane tickets that can't be canceled, gifts that have to be returned, etc.

It's definitely a case of lemonade from lemons.

This. The wedding was cancelled. Full stop.

Later that evening, people who would have gone hungry were fed. That just cannot be a bad thing in my head.

Twik

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #39 on: September 25, 2013, 02:45:09 PM »
I would see ot as tjem treating the people who had already gone out of theirway to dinner. Badically, if you want to do sometjing nice foreople tje homeless are great and I encourage it but if people you know have already been cost time and money by the whole thing, start with tjem?

The happy couple wouldn't have to be there, wouldn't have to be a "reception" but a nice nice meal.

No, it would have likely been a lousy meal, with two sides staring daggers at each other, and the neutral parties trying to make awkward conversation by pretending that there had never been a planned wedding to begin with.
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Two Ravens

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #40 on: September 25, 2013, 02:53:28 PM »
I would see ot as tjem treating the people who had already gone out of theirway to dinner. Badically, if you want to do sometjing nice foreople tje homeless are great and I encourage it but if people you know have already been cost time and money by the whole thing, start with tjem?

The happy couple wouldn't have to be there, wouldn't have to be a "reception" but a nice nice meal.

No, it would have likely been a lousy meal, with two sides staring daggers at each other, and the neutral parties trying to make awkward conversation by pretending that there had never been a planned wedding to begin with.

Though, if there was an open bar, there would possibly be a fistfight or two for entertainment...
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lmyrs

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #41 on: September 25, 2013, 02:55:37 PM »
I have booked plane tickets, 6 nights in a hotel room and a car rental for a wedding in California in November. The plane tickets are non-refundable but I think I may be able to make a change for a cost. If the wedding is cancelled in the next month, I will have a decision to make: (1) go anyway, it's a touristy place that I've never been and maybe DH and I will enjoy it or (2) cancel the (very, very expensive) hotel rooms and car rental and use the tickets for something else (at a cost). Option 2 is likely what we would do since we could use the tickets to go see family or other friends and the touristy place (while lovely I'm sure) is not really our cup of tea anyway. And, I avoid the large costs associated with the room and the meals and the car and everything else. So, I would be out some money on changing the plane tickets, but it would be way, way less expensive than actually going on the trip.

What I absolutely cannot imagine is if I were to go anyway and then expect the bride and groom to throw me some kind of an event while I'm there. I mean, really? If I am spending a pile of money on travelling to a wedding, it is because one of the HC is very close to me. I'm not going for the meal and the DJ/band, I'm going for the wedding. And if the wedding doesn't happen, I'm not going to ask these close friends/family of mine to pony up a supper anyway.

Winterlight

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #42 on: September 25, 2013, 03:01:20 PM »
There's no way I would still want to attend the reception of a wedding that had been called off. That would be incredibly awkward. I might be annoyed over the money I lost on reservations or plane tickets, but it would be annoyance at the situation. There is no way I would still show up at the reception, just because I wanted to get my money's worth. Would people really do this? I'm kind of struggling to understand.

Agreed. This was 40 days out, not the day before. And what an awkward event that would be for both sides.

I would rather stick my hand in a blender than go to something like that. "Did you hear what the grandparents are saying the almost-groom did? I mean, what kind of jer- His sister, you say? Oh, well, I've heard such great things about your brother!"

If there's ever a time when something is not about you, I think when someone else's life just fell apart is it.

Exactly. Polite social chat under those circumstances is just not going to go well.
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audrey1962

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #43 on: September 25, 2013, 03:04:37 PM »
I would see ot as tjem treating the people who had already gone out of theirway to dinner. Badically, if you want to do sometjing nice foreople tje homeless are great and I encourage it but if people you know have already been cost time and money by the whole thing, start with tjem?

The happy couple wouldn't have to be there, wouldn't have to be a "reception" but a nice nice meal.

For all we know, family members that had non-refundable tickets were hosted - just not at the reception venue. They could have gone out to a restaurant or eaten a home cooked meal.

WillyNilly

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #44 on: September 25, 2013, 03:06:58 PM »
By turning the reception into specifically a charity event, where they worked with an established charitable organization, they did recoup some of their costs, because the whole thing became a charitable (read: tax deductible) donation. While I'm sure they aren't going to make back in a tax refund anywhere near what they spent, they'd get something, whereas cancelling totally would have been a total loss.

So yes it was a generous and classy thing to do, but it also perhaps served the purpose of being their best option to not totally lose out on funds spent.