Author Topic: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding  (Read 9684 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #90 on: September 27, 2013, 09:53:38 PM »

Not to mention, it wouldn't surprise me if the food was nonrefundable and that's part of the reason they repurposed it instead of canceling it in the first place.

It was 40 days out--they don't usually buy the food then.

But yes, presumably some portion was nonrefundable. If anything, it would be the use of the venue itself.

Millionaire Maria

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #91 on: September 28, 2013, 09:36:44 AM »
The more time I spend on eHell, the more strongly I feel that wedding celebrations should be abolished / forbidden. So much potential for disaster / contention / bad feeling / bitter quarrelling.  Let it just be a brief, totally dull official function with the couple, the officiant / registrar, and the one or two necessary witnesses.  A separate -- very simple, "bare-bones" -- religious ceremony, for those who wish for one.  Let any celebrating "over-and-above", be totally ad hoc and informal. If I were a country's dictator, that's what I'd decree and enforce -- I do feel that it would significantly reduce life's overall misery-content.

I don't think they should be abolished, but I really wish people would stop insisting on going to a wedding if they hate weddings and don't really like the bride or the groom.    I see so many people say "Ug, I really don't want to go, but social obligations...." and it's like no - don't go!  Stay home!   If the only attendees are genuinely fond of the B&G and willing to ascribe the best motives to their behavior, we'd see a lot less angst.

Thank you! I agree.
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Corvid

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #92 on: September 28, 2013, 01:03:25 PM »
The more time I spend on eHell, the more strongly I feel that wedding celebrations should be abolished / forbidden. So much potential for disaster / contention / bad feeling / bitter quarrelling.  Let it just be a brief, totally dull official function with the couple, the officiant / registrar, and the one or two necessary witnesses.  A separate -- very simple, "bare-bones" -- religious ceremony, for those who wish for one.  Let any celebrating "over-and-above", be totally ad hoc and informal. If I were a country's dictator, that's what I'd decree and enforce -- I do feel that it would significantly reduce life's overall misery-content.

I don't think they should be abolished, but I really wish people would stop insisting on going to a wedding if they hate weddings and don't really like the bride or the groom.    I see so many people say "Ug, I really don't want to go, but social obligations...." and it's like no - don't go!  Stay home!   If the only attendees are genuinely fond of the B&G and willing to ascribe the best motives to their behavior, we'd see a lot less angst.

I completely agree, and will add that other people, including the bride and groom, need to quit insisting people go to weddings and guilt-tripping them if they don't want to.  One can be genuinely fond of the bride and/or groom without wanting to buy into the whole wedding shebang.
« Last Edit: September 28, 2013, 01:35:00 PM by Corvid »

miranova

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #93 on: September 29, 2013, 02:54:37 PM »
If I were one of the guests and got 40 days notice of the cancelled wedding, the only money I would be out was the cancellation fee on plane tickets, IF THAT.  If I was a local, I wouldn't even have that expense.  If I am close enough to someone to be willing to buy plane tickets to their out of town wedding, then I'm close enough to them to take the financial hit of a cancellation fee and never mention it to them, EVER.  I would file it under "crap happens" and would feel terrible for them.  After all, the bride and groom must know that some people are out some money.  Unless they are immensely self involved people, they probably ALREADY feel bad enough about people being out some money.  They certainly don't need me to make them feel worse about it, at the hardest, most stressful time of their lives.  I'd never mention it, and I'd certainly not act like I have any say in what they do with items already purchased for the wedding. 

Let's face it, there is no PERFECT solution to make everyone whole in the case of a cancelled wedding.  It's not an ideal situation.  People are going to be inconvenienced, and people are going to lose some money.  I don't see much way around that.  I have heard of cases where the couple sells or returns the rings and uses the money to pay back bridesmaids and such, which I think is very classy and a good way to "own" the expense of the cancellation yourself instead of expecting guests to own it, but this may not always be an option and I do not think etiquette requires it.  There may be no way to reimburse people for money already spent, and I honestly don't think most people would expect it.  If this happened to a good friend of mine, I wouldn't concern myself with what I spent and would be surprised to receive any reimbursement of any kind.

Yes, some of the guests are "out" some money.  But they did get enough notice to cancel other expenses and I'm betting they got a sincere apology for the inconvenience.  Sometimes in life, that is all we get.  We don't always get our money's worth out of every single transaction.  I'd rather risk losing out on a cancellation fee than never go to any weddings.

turnip

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #94 on: September 29, 2013, 08:05:30 PM »
The more time I spend on eHell, the more strongly I feel that wedding celebrations should be abolished / forbidden. So much potential for disaster / contention / bad feeling / bitter quarrelling.  Let it just be a brief, totally dull official function with the couple, the officiant / registrar, and the one or two necessary witnesses.  A separate -- very simple, "bare-bones" -- religious ceremony, for those who wish for one.  Let any celebrating "over-and-above", be totally ad hoc and informal. If I were a country's dictator, that's what I'd decree and enforce -- I do feel that it would significantly reduce life's overall misery-content.

I don't think they should be abolished, but I really wish people would stop insisting on going to a wedding if they hate weddings and don't really like the bride or the groom.    I see so many people say "Ug, I really don't want to go, but social obligations...." and it's like no - don't go!  Stay home!   If the only attendees are genuinely fond of the B&G and willing to ascribe the best motives to their behavior, we'd see a lot less angst.

I completely agree, and will add that other people, including the bride and groom, need to quit insisting people go to weddings and guilt-tripping them if they don't want to.  One can be genuinely fond of the bride and/or groom without wanting to buy into the whole wedding shebang.

I think this is a good point and it does exist on both sides.  We've all been convinced that a wedding is a 'major life milestone' and that not attending one for someone you are close to is a personal slight.   If _I_ were dictator, I'd say you can throw whatever kind of wedding you want and invite all the people you like, but if even your twin sister who lives next door to you says she can't attend, then that is perfectly OK, and you have no reason or desire to even throw back a question like "Why not?"

PastryGoddess

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #95 on: September 29, 2013, 09:51:47 PM »
I second this.  I am an event planner and have worked in the food industry since I was 15. I have probably been to 5 million* weddings.  I love my family and friends...but I cannot STAND going to weddings. When I'm invited, I attend all of the events I'm invited to except the wedding and any after wedding festivities.  I will gladly attend showers and parties and bachelor(ette) events, etc.  I send a gift, ask questions, offer advice, go shopping. but I don't go to the wedding.




If I get married, I'm eloping/going to the courthouse and having a huge BBQ afterwards.




*5 million might be a slight minor extreme exaggeration but I've been to a lot of weddings.  A LOT

MariaE

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Re: fabulous etiquette solution for a cancelled wedding
« Reply #96 on: September 30, 2013, 01:01:18 AM »
I've actually been in this situation. My best friend lives in NZ - I live in Denmark. 2 years ago she was going to get married, and of course I had to be there for her - BFF and everything ;). Tickets to NZ are expensive, so I'd gotten heaps of advance notice in order to get cheap tickets. Even so, I had to get ones that were unrefundable and ey still cost around US$3000.

You see where this is going, right? 3 months before the wedding she called it off. I ended up going anyway, and just enjoyed a pleasant vacation rather than a wedding. The last thing on my mind would have been to expect her to reimburse me for anything or still hold the reception for my sake.
 
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