Author Topic: No kids allowed  (Read 9723 times)

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EmmaJ.

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #15 on: September 25, 2013, 12:39:10 PM »
In high school, I babysat for pocket money.  Two of my neighbors were great friends and always socialized together.  They would have me babysit both kids in one house.  I loved it because each couple paid me the going rate, so my pay was doubled, and the kids were no trouble because they played well together.

Would asking to her to share a babysitter work for everyone? It would be very clear this is a child-free evening and she couldn't use the excuse of having no one to watch her children.

Arila

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #16 on: September 25, 2013, 12:58:39 PM »
Lots of good advice, but I would also put in that I generally prefer "Adults only" or variations thereof as opposed to "no kids" One is defining an inclusive group and is a bit more positive, the other is defining an excluded group and therefore slightly negative.

I also agree with some of the PPs who are suggesting more of a phone invitation, and starting out with "can you get a sitter for xyz date?" or offering to share the sitter (if you're willing) is genius!


Anyway, if you're going forward with the email I think the etiquette-ly thing to do is not say either variation in the invitation. The message of no children is by specifically naming the invited parties and omitting the uninvited parties. I'd mention the following:

- Send a specific email to the couple (so it doesn't need to be general) - and you don't have to make it obvious that this is a forwarded/forgotten invite!!
- "Mr-never-leaves-kids-@-home, and Mrs-never-leaves-kids-@-home, we would be so glad for you join us on...: "
- "We're looking forward to seeing the two of you, and would like to know by XYZ date so we can make reservations"

If, when they call to let you know, you can just "clarify" that "both of you are coming? Great, I'll add two to the guest count!" If they try to correct you, THEN is the time to break out the whole chatty bit about sitters and leaving K at home because you hoped to have an adults-only event etc.

Knitterly

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #17 on: September 25, 2013, 01:38:17 PM »
For someone who can take a hint, your email might be fine. But if she always brings her kids, even if she gets the hint, she will probably choose to ignore it.

Consider saying something like "We're planning an adults only dinner, and I'm leaving Little Knit with a sitter. I hope you can find a sitter so you're able to join us."

That is basically exactly what I ended up saying.  I phrased it more specifically as "Mr K and I are leaving little K with a sitter to enjoy an adults-only evening.  I hope it's not too late for you to get a sitter and join us."
 Friend decided she would be unable to come, specifically lacking the availability of a sitter as her reason.  She recommended getting together another time with the kids.  That's a perfectly fair compromise for me. :)


I would have been upset for those who also took the time to get a sitter if they'd done so only to find the dynamic was different from expected.

On the upside, this is my first time using a non-family sitter and I'm actually kind of excited.  She was recommended by a friend as an excellent sitter, and I'm pretty happy with the idea.  As much as I love using family (it's certainly cheaper), it's really nice to have a teenage sitter that we can call.

cwm

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #18 on: September 25, 2013, 02:09:38 PM »
YAY for compromise! Boo for not having friends at adult dinner, but yay for not having kids there too.

And I'm hoping the new sitter works out for you too. My family all paid going rate, but it was mom's cousins and their kids, so it was far enough removed from immediate family that there was no discount. Plus they couldn't use me until they moved close enough for me to walk to and from, so they were used to the higher rate. Best job ever, really.

SCAJAfamily

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #19 on: September 25, 2013, 03:46:36 PM »
We received a handwritten invite to an Octoberfest party this Sat.  It simply said "adults only, please" at the bottom.  Pretty clear and I am curious to see if all the guests can read.
SCAJAfamily = dd S 22, ds C 15, ds A 12, dh J and myself dw A

LifeOnPluto

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #20 on: September 25, 2013, 10:54:05 PM »
I agree that even though the OP isn't paying for everyone's meals, she is still organising this event, and she is the Guest of Honour. Therefore, I think she has the right to set the guest list.

Anyway OP, I think your email sounded fine. It's a shame your friend can't make it, but at least that's better than her rocking up with the kids in tow!

Promise

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #21 on: September 25, 2013, 11:32:32 PM »
Others have said it - that you are leaving a loophole. You are being so passive she won't take the hint that it's about HER!. Just say, " This as an adults only occasion and so we leaving Little K with Gma. Hopefully you know a good babysitter too because we'd love for you and Mr. X to come and chat about old time. It will be fun to have a kid-free night with adult conversation. I hope you can join us and that the kiddows enjoy time away from the grown-ups too!" It's clear that they are expected to get a sitter and that no kids are to be there.

LeveeWoman

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #22 on: September 25, 2013, 11:51:35 PM »
We received a handwritten invite to an Octoberfest party this Sat.  It simply said "adults only, please" at the bottom.  Pretty clear and I am curious to see if all the guests can read.

Parents who bring their kids to a brew-fest?

Utter idiots.

Have 911 on speed-dial.

PastryGoddess

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #23 on: September 26, 2013, 03:17:44 AM »
We received a handwritten invite to an Octoberfest party this Sat.  It simply said "adults only, please" at the bottom.  Pretty clear and I am curious to see if all the guests can read.

They might be able to read, but can they comprehend :)

acicularis

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #24 on: September 26, 2013, 06:33:47 AM »

Parents who bring their kids to a brew-fest?

Utter idiots.


Not necessarily.  A friend (who doesn't drink at all) and her husband (who is a homebrewer) host an Oktoberfest every year and kids are welcome. Our family has gone many times. Of course, the invitation clearly states that the whole family is invited, and that there are activities for kids.

But someone who brings kids to an Oktoberfest explicitly billed as an adults only event is perhaps an idiot.

deadbody

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #25 on: September 26, 2013, 09:10:13 AM »
We received a handwritten invite to an Octoberfest party this Sat.  It simply said "adults only, please" at the bottom.  Pretty clear and I am curious to see if all the guests can read.

Parents who bring their kids to a brew-fest?

Utter idiots.

Have 911 on speed-dial.

Oddly enough some of us who love good beer also control our intake to stay in control of ourselves around others. An Oktoberfest party is not necessarily a drunken idiot fest

bopper

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #26 on: September 26, 2013, 09:18:04 AM »
We received a handwritten invite to an Octoberfest party this Sat.  It simply said "adults only, please" at the bottom.  Pretty clear and I am curious to see if all the guests can read.

Parents who bring their kids to a brew-fest?

Utter idiots.

Have 911 on speed-dial.

Actually in Germany, most Biergartens have areas for kids.  Its a family place to hang out.  But in the US, an Octoberfest party would indicate copious beer drinking.

WillyNilly

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #27 on: September 26, 2013, 11:45:01 AM »
We received a handwritten invite to an Octoberfest party this Sat.  It simply said "adults only, please" at the bottom.  Pretty clear and I am curious to see if all the guests can read.

Parents who bring their kids to a brew-fest?

Utter idiots.

Have 911 on speed-dial.

Oddly enough some of us who love good beer also control our intake to stay in control of ourselves around others. An Oktoberfest party is not necessarily a drunken idiot fest

^This!
Plenty of people take their kids to beer events, because plenty of people can enjoy several beers spread out over several hours and enjoyed with food without getting rip roaring drunk and can still easily manage their children while modeling healthy and safe drinking habits.
People should not bring children to events billed as "adult" but billing something as "Octoberfest" does not equal "adult".

SiotehCat

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #28 on: September 26, 2013, 11:48:40 AM »
We received a handwritten invite to an Octoberfest party this Sat.  It simply said "adults only, please" at the bottom.  Pretty clear and I am curious to see if all the guests can read.

Parents who bring their kids to a brew-fest?

Utter idiots.

Have 911 on speed-dial.

Oddly enough some of us who love good beer also control our intake to stay in control of ourselves around others. An Oktoberfest party is not necessarily a drunken idiot fest

^This!
Plenty of people take their kids to beer events, because plenty of people can enjoy several beers spread out over several hours and enjoyed with food without getting rip roaring drunk and can still easily manage their children while modeling healthy and safe drinking habits.
People should not bring children to events billed as "adult" but billing something as "Octoberfest" does not equal "adult".

Also, I don't think calling people "idiots" because you don't agree with ther parenting is very polite.

LeveeWoman

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Re: No kids allowed
« Reply #29 on: September 26, 2013, 12:01:36 PM »
The only beer fest I've attended had some parents there who got smashed, and the cops had to be called. I left when the cops showed up, but a friend who stayed who knew the family said that CPS had to come pick up the kids. It was a debacle.

ETA: Yes, my experience is limited.