General Etiquette > Family and Children

No, really PLEASE don't give us anything

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mumma to KMC:
Dh and I decided a long time ago that we would have a tradition in our family of opening presents on the Feast of the Epiphany (Yesterday). We do celebrate Christmas with a nice dinner and what not we just wait until January 6th to open the gifts.

My in-laws had us over for dinner the day after Christmas (dh worked on Christmas) and gave us our presents then but told us to take them home and wait until we were ready to open them. We have asked them time and again not to give us presents. We don't want anything from them and frankly they give us junk we they do give us something. If you wanna buy something for our son, feel free (as long as it doesn't require batteries or make noise of any sort...those things tend to come alive in the middle of the night...) but don't feel obligated to buy us something.

So we opened the gifts...ds (just turned one) got two dollar store videos (one on manners oddly enough) and an old "hobby horse" that actually belongs to dh's younger brother. And everyone in the family knows this...just because he doesn't have kids (yet) doesn't mean it should be gifted to our son. Oh and ds was also given a box (huge) of diapers. We cloth diaper our son. We have since day 1. We like cloth diapers and they know this. We have learned how to travel with them (sounds gross but when done properly, it isn't). Ds doesn't have any problems with the cloth and he even helps fold them now (okay, he takes them out of the basket for me...) MIL knows we cloth diaper and for some reason still gave us these AFTER she has gone on and on about how disposables aren't good for the environment...(and the reason she got them for us, they were really cheap, she had a coupon AND got so much off of another gift if she bought them...)

We received (as a couple) a cross that holds a tealight candle and you hang on the wall. One would purchase this from a home party candle place. I am sure she means well, but I just unloaded the SAME one she gave me for my shower gift 3 years ago.

Finally, the only jewelry I wear are my wedding band and engagement ring. Mil got me a pair of earrings. Nice, long, dangley earrings. From another at home party company. MIL knows that I don't wear jewelry....but she feels the need to get me something, so got me those. I don't want them. I already have a necklace that she gave me sitting in my "jewelry" box. She gave me that at my BIL's wedding so I wouldn't feel left out of the wedding party. (Actually, I felt pressed to be there, I would have rather have been home in my jammies reading a good book.)

How do you tell people not to give things? Oh and the look on dh's face was enough to make me want to drive up to their house and deposit the gifts to us on their front porch. They give him crap each and every year (like the size too small sweatshirt with an iron on decal with reindeer and santa or something like that)...stuff that in June we finally get tired of and send to the Goodwill, Freecycle or just toss.

And I don't mean to sound ungrateful but it hurts to see that no thought is put in to gifts given to us.

MsEva:
Unfortunately, you know that according to etiquette, you are to smile and say thank you to whatever you receive. After the proper thanksgiving, you are free to do whatever you want with these gifts including donating them or tossing them. I personally would donate them to a nice charity and consider the tax write off as the gift  ;)

I know it's hard to get bad gifts from those that are supposed to know and love you. If they do it to everyone then at least you know it's not personal.

LadyDyani:
You could make bets with each other about what you got, open the gifts, laugh, and then drop them off at goodwill.  You're not going to change the in-laws.  The best you can do is not allow some else's lack of care and common sense bother you.

Adah:
Maybe you could ask them to use the money they would have spent on gifts to make a donation to a charity you choose. Let them know that this will be much more meaningful to them than gifts, given that it sounds like you are very aware of contributing to a sustainable planet and therefore not desiring a lot of "stuff."

Evil Duckie:
You are not going to change your ILs. Just accept that they like to give you presents even if they are not what you like.

After you have thanked your ILs for the presents donate them to charity. From the items you have stated a women's shelter or a Young Parent organization would love to have them.

Pass them on know that even though you don't want what your ILs have given you someone else will love them because you cared enough to donate them instead of just throwing them out.

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