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Author Topic: Need wording help  (Read 5151 times)

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Re: Need wording help UPDATE p15
« Reply #15 on: September 26, 2013, 04:54:38 PM »
I listened to every response here and had a very open conversation with my psychologist this morning.

1.  My daughter never told me not to contact her; not in any way.  If anything, it was the other way around, I walked out of bad situation with her rather than argue.  In fact, I know that she's keeping some tabs on me and she's also still in contact with other family members.

2.  My psychologist totally agrees with the "manipulative" nature of some of the statements I was considering.  I see that, and I agree with posters here; in fact, I think I have made a step in my own emotional maturity in that area.

3.  Giving the girls (there's three of them) pieces of jewelry is a norm for me.  I make a lot of it, and I'm constantly giving them pieces.  My psychologist feels that that fact makes giving a piece now (only going to send one), is fine.  I agree with him there.  I hear what other people are saying about gifts, but I don't thinks that the case here.

4.  I'm going to get a card, and say "thinking of you", only.

Thank you to everyone.


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Re: Need wording help
« Reply #16 on: September 26, 2013, 05:08:10 PM »
I'm glad you're taking the guilt part out!
And I think the idea of sending ONE of them is a nice move as well; I was going to suggest it, even.

But I think you might be able to do something more than "thinking of you."

Maybe say,  "When I see them, I remember [insert POSITIVE thing here that's sort of neutral; how much she loves kitties; that she had a shirt with gold threads in it that you were thinking of when you chose the colors for the heart]."

Or maybe something even MORE neutral, perhaps about the objects themselves, the sort of thing you'd say to an acquaintance you were showing them to, like, "The glaze on the heart was sort of tricky--I actually did it twice to get an even coating."

And for the last graph, then maybe something light and short: "Think about you often."

My mom once said to me, "I love you so hard, sweetie." It made me cry. of course, we weren't estranged and I was in need to comfort and reassurance. But it felt intensified and more meaningful than "I love you" but WITHOUT being clingy or gushy the way "I love you so much" could seem.


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Re: Need wording help
« Reply #17 on: September 26, 2013, 05:21:42 PM »
I'm so sad to read about so many mothers and daughters estranged from one another. My mother and I aren’t quite that far gone, but we are going through some rocky patches, and she was also the one to first say “I’m not speaking to you”. This, of course, hurt and angered me, so the jump right back to overcompensatory sappy love-y expressions might make my mother feel better, but it gives me a bit of emotional whiplash and a lot of discomfort…The forced hugs and "I love you"s are still really hard because I feel like they are meaningless and just going through the motions - So I’m glad that you’ve changed it to “thinking of you” it’s nice, toned down, and opens the door, and would caution you to let her respond in her own way/time.

I wonder if including an apology would be appropriate? Do you feel there’s an apology which needs to be made and if so can you make one sincerely, or are you not there yet? Maybe in the next note - or consider it if she contacts you in response.
« Last Edit: September 26, 2013, 05:23:27 PM by arila »


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Re: Need wording help
« Reply #18 on: September 26, 2013, 05:23:37 PM »
OP, I think the best avenue to take is to follow the advice of your psychologist rather than a bunch of strangers on an etiquette forum.

There is no pie in Nighthawks, which is why it's such a desolate image. ~ Happy Stomach

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. ~ Mark Twain

Adopting a pet won't change the world, but it will change the world for that pet.

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