Hosting friend with food issues

[Dragonflymom]

As a few people suggested, I tried asking her in private to stop making all the commentary on the food that I prepare, as well as telling her that going forward I'll let her know in advance what I'll be serving and she's free to either bring something, eat ahead of time, or skip that particular girls night whatever she decides.

I got a lot of excuses "I was just trying to explain why I couldn't eat it" though she did apologize.  I'm having trouble buying her excuses, given the sort of sneering tone she uses when pointing out "carbs" in the food I serve - she says it in about the same tone somebody would point out a fly or a hair in their food.  But hopefully going forward at least the commentary will stop and she's on notice that this is unacceptable.

Thanks for everyone's ideas and advice.

[HenrysMom]

As a few people suggested, I tried asking her in private to stop making all the commentary on the food that I prepare, as well as telling her that going forward I'll let her know in advance what I'll be serving and she's free to either bring something, eat ahead of time, or skip that particular girls night whatever she decides.

I got a lot of excuses "I was just trying to explain why I couldn't eat it" though she did apologize.  I'm having trouble buying her excuses, given the sort of sneering tone she uses when pointing out "carbs" in the food I serve - she says it in about the same tone somebody would point out a fly or a hair in their food.  But hopefully going forward at least the commentary will stop and she's on notice that this is unacceptable.

Thanks for everyone's ideas and advice.

Good for you!  I suggest that the next time you host, if she goes into her carb snarking routine, you give her a hairy eyeball and say, "We've discussed this.  If it bothers you so much, you can leave and we'll understand."

[Arila]

... I'm only going to be able to host once a month.  She said this was fine, so I'm clear for awhile.

This speaks volumes to me - How kind of her to give her permission for you to determine how often you'll be hosting in your own home!

I don't have a lot of patience for people who self-prescribe strict diets. I am willing to make sure that I have an offering available to them, or leave things separate so guests can add things or not (leave the nuts out for allergies, or make sure I've got ham AND roast beef on offer for make-your-own-sandwich if someone with religious restrictions is visiting).

When I'm on crazy fad weight loss diet I bring my own food, or select from what I can clearly see (without asking!) is allowed - usually from the raw veggie tray.

At first I looked through your friend's reactions with that "dieting is hard" lens, how awful it would be to be told "never again" for so many favorites when diagnosed with diabetes and how that could be emotional, but she totally lost me, as I said, with the above quote.

[TootsNYC]

As a few people suggested, I tried asking her in private to stop making all the commentary on the food that I prepare, as well as telling her that going forward I'll let her know in advance what I'll be serving and she's free to either bring something, eat ahead of time, or skip that particular girls night whatever she decides.

I got a lot of excuses "I was just trying to explain why I couldn't eat it" though she did apologize.  I'm having trouble buying her excuses, given the sort of sneering tone she uses when pointing out "carbs" in the food I serve - she says it in about the same tone somebody would point out a fly or a hair in their food.  But hopefully going forward at least the commentary will stop and she's on notice that this is unacceptable.

Thanks for everyone's ideas and advice.

Next time say, **mildly**, "There's no need to sneer. You needn't eat it."

Or, **llightly**, "Goodness, such a sneering tone!" and stop.

[Marbles]

I got a lot of excuses "I was just trying to explain why I couldn't eat it" though she did apologize.  I'm having trouble buying her excuses, given the sort of sneering tone she uses when pointing out "carbs" in the food I serve - she says it in about the same tone somebody would point out a fly or a hair in their food.  But hopefully going forward at least the commentary will stop and she's on notice that this is unacceptable.

Thanks for everyone's ideas and advice.

I have on very rare occasion and only when it was very obviously necessary to be blunt, replied to the "I was just..." excuse with "No, you weren't. You were [putting me down/insulting my food/whatever] and I don't appreciate it." I think your friend might have sent me there.

A softened version of this response is "whatever your intention, it came across as insulting because of your sneering tone, and, honestly your comments are [insulting/hurtful/completely confusing because you keep giving me grief about not preparing low carb meals and then following up with gorging on carbs] and I don't want to hear about it any more." Now that you have put her on notice, I hope you don't need to be this direct.

[iridaceae]

"Carbs are necessary."

I must say she'd bring out my PA tendencies and I'd bring out celery, berries and water and announce that to make CarbHater happy all meals with her will from now on be 100% carb free. (I'd warn my other friends  in advance and tell them to eat hearty beforehand.)  If she said anything I'd just say "hey you asked,  you got" ad nauseum and infinitum.